My three year old son has decided that his favorite word is "hate". He uses it all the time, and each time it makes me cringe. The worst of all is when he tells me at least thirty times a day "I hate you mommy!" pointing his tiny finger at me and scowling like an evil gnome.
It takes every bit of my energy not to take it so personally. When he says these things to me I immediately envision myself picking him up by the back of his shirt and punt kicking his ass out the door for someone else to deal with. But instead, I calmly tell him not to use that word because it is hurtful to my feelings, and is not a nice thing to say.
This tactic has not worked, and it's been about two weeks of consistent hate words flying out of his nasty little toddler mouth every half hour. Enough is enough, I can't take it anymore.
So I resorted to a story, that got a wee bit weird and out of hand…. (even for me).
I had just finished taking the boys to the park, mcdonalds, and shopping, and they were good… until Watts saw the plane ride at the store was actually working with a child in it… "Mommy! look it works! You said it was broken! I want to go on it"
"nope- sorry. no time now, look at that kid, he is having no fun, it's still broken, the ride barely moves, you are having a better ride in this shopping cart- which is free, and doesn't make an irritating noise that makes mommies ears hurt"
So I put him in his car seat, with the little legs kicking…. the whining starts up…. and out comes the pointed finger… "I HATE YOU MOMMY!"
Right…. well… that was it.
So I calmly climbed into the drivers seat, and began my story, that went a little like this…..
"Wattsy…. I have told you not to say the word "hate". He cuts me off…. "Well I DO HATE YOU!"
Well…. that's fine. You can hate me… but there is a place for children that hate their mommies. It's called the Troll House.
"The Troll House?" "What is the troll house?"
"Well since you hate me, I suppose it would be best for you to go somewhere else to live…. somewhere that has no mommies… since you hate me and all. This is a place where children that hate their parents go. The troll house is right down that road there"…. and I point out the window at a street that I know Watts has never been on.
"I want to go to the troll house!"
"Oh..I chuckle... I don't think you will like it there…. you see- the trolls aren't like me or daddy who take you nice places, feed you your favorite foods, give you hugs and kisses, give you warm baths, and love you.... no no…. the trolls are different"
"Different?"
Watts is now very interested in my story, and I am trying desperately not to take this down a dark road, but I do make it as scary as possible without scaring him for life. I start thinking of all the things I know he hates….
"Well…. the trolls put children in cages, and leave them in the cages all day. They don't get to play, or watch cartoons… in fact they are forced to watch the NEWS. and…. they don't get snacks… they get the same meal every single day. Broccoli and Water. And…. it gets worse. They don't have diapers… so you will be forced to poop on the potty."
Watts looks thoughtful for a moment.
"I hate trolls! I will kill them with my sword!"
"but you won't have a sword, because you won't have anything… no toys, nothing to play with… nothing to kill the trolls with... Just a plate of broccoli and a cup of water… and a potty. which will sit in your cage"
He is still thinking about all of this…..
"I don't want to go to the troll house"
"Well that will be easy… you just have to stop saying the word "hate"… and be nice to me, daddy and James, we love you very much and wan't you to live with us forever, but only if you love us too"
"Ok, I will be nice to you mommy, I don't want to live at the troll house"
So since then…. we have gone all day without the word hate….and he has been much better to me.
Till about an hour ago… he told James (his little brother) that he hated him, and threw his favorite toy in the trash can.
So to remind Watts…. I drew him a picture of what the troll house looked like.
He watched me draw it… and as he asked questions like "Is there a phone to call home?" I would draw a phone…. "Is there a door to escape?" I would draw a door… but would put a lock on it… It was fun, and he was really into it.
He asked all sorts of questions, but was more interested in killing them…. with a sword.
He really hates the trolls. Which in my mind is ok.
The Troll House should be something to hate.
I drew all the things he actually hates in the world… and put them into one picture.
Now he knows what the word means.