Big Brother

Enough is Enough.

My almost 6 year old boy is in Kindergarten. This will be my first time dealing with the government run public educational system. I have two more children that will eventually go through "the system".

It has only been two months and I am already exhausted from having to conform to new ways of parenting my child.

Here are the problems I have already run into:

1. One to Three emails a day from the school stating rules, regulations, and ways to parent my kid better.

2. The teachers! More emails from the teachers on top of from the Principle of the school telling us how to be parents.

3. Rules, on top of Rules! A.) No kids shall bring in sugary treats for their birthdays. Instead they are to bring a gift wrapped book for the teacher to read to them. B.) For the Halloween Parade, children are not allowed to dress up as clowns or have toy weapons.

4. Kindergarten children must sit down and read books with their parent every night and then the parent must sign a form showing which book has been read. A packet of homework also must be done with the parent and signed by each Friday. 

5. Kindergarten children must be able to unlock themselves from their car seat and open the passenger door of the car at drop off. Due to the Union Labor laws the adult standing next to the car is not allowed to assist the children out of the enormous SUV's and Mini vans with a two foot drop. 

6. When bringing in a snack for the class, the snack can not contain any nut products. 

7. Parents must be waiting at the bus stop when their Kindergartener gets off the bus, or else the bus will take your child back to school where you will be called to come pick the child up.

These aren't really a big deal I suppose. To me they are....

Let's rewind back to when I was a child to a typical day in Kindergarten. I still remember it.

I went to the end of my driveway, waited with other kids for the bus to come, got on it and went to school. I did show and tell... with any weapon that I wanted or I could dress up as a clown if that is what I wanted to do. I ate nuts, fruits covered in pesticides, and non GMO food, because it didn't exist yet. I had a cup of fruit punch that was riddled with sugar. I looked forward to kids that had birthdays because this meant a special treat of rice crispy treats, or cupcakes. My favorite! We then went outside and played on very high dangerous monkey barns, and steal and wooden structures where when you were done, you were covered in sweat, snot, and dirt. Blood was an added bonus of bravery and valor. I drew with markers that made you feel high as a kite, and I made giant rubber snot balls by dipping my hands in poisoning rubber cement. That smell also made me feel great. I then waited for the bus with my friends.  I came home, watched some cartoons that were mostly violent and then waited for my neighbors to gather around to play a nice game of street hockey in the road. Cars would stop as we would scream, "Game on! Game off! Car!!!" I played outside till it got dark and then I came in and ate dinner with my family. My mom and dad would drink heavily, and my mom smoked cigarettes while cleaning the dishes. My life was awesome!

Now fast forward.

My kids aren't allowed to do anything in public, nor can I let them play with other kids because those parents look at me like I'm a monster. My kids, are dirty, strong, and smart. The other kids have speech impediments, carry an inhaler, and are on mental drugs along with a supplement of some sort. The parents are worse. They watch their kids every movement and say things like, "Johnny no! thats dirt don't touch" and then run over with a special soap and clean their hands. The other kids also look miserable, they rarely smile, have a vacant look in their eye, don't make eye contact, and when you speak to them they look down and run away.

THE OTHER PARENTS:
The other parents, don't drink, or smoke. They have a bubbly personality and when you ask them about their life, it is perfect. They always have the right things to say, as if they rehearsed it several times to their therapist. They are also on some sort of anti- pill for their anxiety or depression.

They also wear makeup, have perfect hair, and their clothes always smell of fresh laundry.

ME:
People ask me how I'm doing. I never say "fine" I jump at the chance to tell them how awful or great my day is. I do it sarcastically, and usually throw in a few jokes... and sometimes I am completely serious and like to get a bad day off my chest. I have been told by several assholes that I should go see their therapist, and I need a break. I don't get offended by this, because I am not a giant pussy. I just give them the finger in my mind and go about getting the day over with... so I can avoid ever telling that person about my life again. My closest friends laugh, and enjoy hearing about how crazy life gets- and they will often share a similar story, or offer to take some of the load off. These people are great. They get it, and I love them.

We live in a generation of people trying to be perfect- covering up their problems and hiding their true lives behind facebook curtains. They are afraid of being judged, or making a mistake, especially when it comes to parenting.

Parents make mistakes, and their should not be any rules to how you raise your kid... but there are.
This is the problem.

If parents took down the baby gates, and stopped wiping dirt off their kids hands, they would notice that their kid didnt die.
We live in fear. We live in a world of judgmental ass-hats.

My best advice....
Just be yourself.
Live damnit!
Make mistakes.
Your kids will thank you for it, and in return you will have a kid that smiles without having to say. "smile!"

Welcome to the Cult of Parenting

I recently had the honor of babysitting my neighbors four month old baby Boy. She is a first time mom and I offered to look after him while she rode her horse. We are also friends on facebook and I like to read her new momma drama rants about all the new firsts for her baby. I always comment on her stuff if she is having a problem, thinking I know it all. She has trouble getting him to stick to a schedule and especially has a hard time getting the kid to sleep.

After spending two hours babysitting I understood what the problem was. It was me, and everyone else trying to help this first time mom out.

For the first time I realized, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't speak this babies language. He spoke Meghan. My kids speak Liz. I had no idea what his body language meant. I had no idea what he was fussing about. I had no idea what his likes or dislikes were. I tried to comfort him the way I comfort my kids, and it didn't work.

 I didn't want him to cry, but I could tell he was about to. I picked him up, and he started to cry. I put him down and he stopped. Complete opposite to my children. I put him on his belly, and he immediately threw his arms behind him and his legs came off the ground almost arching his back in a U shape. I have never seen a baby do that. When I put him on his back, his arms would shake and he would go stiff as a board... and would just stare at me. I didn't know if he had gas or what. I tried to feed him his bottle and he just took a mouth full and spit it all out. Not hungry.... I got that memo. There was nothing wrong with her baby, it was just that I had never seen my own children doing any of these sort of things. I thought most babies were the same. Wrong. The only person that would know was his mom. She came in and said "he does that when he's excited" See... she knew. Another thing I noticed was that the minute her baby looked at her, he gave her the biggest smile. I didn't get a smile like that. He recognized his mother, and knew immediately that everything was going to be OK.

I had problems with my first two kids as babies. Every time a stranger would hold them, they would scream. I would wait for them to try to soothe my kids... knowing exactly what the problem was. Eventually, the stranger would give up and say, "you better take this back" and the minute my babies were back in my arms, they would stop crying. I hadn't done anything different. I was just their mom.

So now, I'm careful to suggest things to other people about things that worked for my kids. The worst part was listening to Meghan talk about feeling like a failure, or wondering if there was something wrong with her baby, and not knowing what to do. All I could offer was the best advise I know. "You are the mom you know best!" 

Moms should know the sound of their babies cry, and instantly know whether it is Pain, Hunger, Frustration, or just Tired. Mom's should know when their baby is suddenly acting different. Mom's know the sounds, and movements of their babies and kids. The best thing about being a mom is you have the manual to your baby. No one else does. The hard part is learning that code... once you start to understand what your baby wants, it's like a dance. My 9 month old makes a certain sound when she is hungry. I don't feed her till she makes that sound. Sometimes sticking to a schedule of what you are supposed to do, isn't ideal for every child. I like to stick to a schedule, but I'm also ready for my baby to change it up on me all of a sudden.

So for all those first time mom's.... stop listening to what other people say. Don't read articles about what is normal on the internet. Don't freak out just because your baby isn't hitting all the same milestones as everyone else's kid. Every child is different. The pity of it all is that we are forced to take our children to check-ups every month and are judged by statistical data, and doctors. As long as your baby is healthy and happy I wouldn't worry too much about what the rest of the world is doing.

Development is just that: It's growth. Who cares how fast that happens. It will happen. And one day you will look back and think it happened too fast. So enjoy it.