I recently had the honor of babysitting my neighbors four month old baby Boy. She is a first time mom and I offered to look after him while she rode her horse. We are also friends on facebook and I like to read her new momma drama rants about all the new firsts for her baby. I always comment on her stuff if she is having a problem, thinking I know it all. She has trouble getting him to stick to a schedule and especially has a hard time getting the kid to sleep.
After spending two hours babysitting I understood what the problem was. It was me, and everyone else trying to help this first time mom out.
For the first time I realized, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't speak this babies language. He spoke Meghan. My kids speak Liz. I had no idea what his body language meant. I had no idea what he was fussing about. I had no idea what his likes or dislikes were. I tried to comfort him the way I comfort my kids, and it didn't work.
I didn't want him to cry, but I could tell he was about to. I picked him up, and he started to cry. I put him down and he stopped. Complete opposite to my children. I put him on his belly, and he immediately threw his arms behind him and his legs came off the ground almost arching his back in a U shape. I have never seen a baby do that. When I put him on his back, his arms would shake and he would go stiff as a board... and would just stare at me. I didn't know if he had gas or what. I tried to feed him his bottle and he just took a mouth full and spit it all out. Not hungry.... I got that memo. There was nothing wrong with her baby, it was just that I had never seen my own children doing any of these sort of things. I thought most babies were the same. Wrong. The only person that would know was his mom. She came in and said "he does that when he's excited" See... she knew. Another thing I noticed was that the minute her baby looked at her, he gave her the biggest smile. I didn't get a smile like that. He recognized his mother, and knew immediately that everything was going to be OK.
I had problems with my first two kids as babies. Every time a stranger would hold them, they would scream. I would wait for them to try to soothe my kids... knowing exactly what the problem was. Eventually, the stranger would give up and say, "you better take this back" and the minute my babies were back in my arms, they would stop crying. I hadn't done anything different. I was just their mom.
So now, I'm careful to suggest things to other people about things that worked for my kids. The worst part was listening to Meghan talk about feeling like a failure, or wondering if there was something wrong with her baby, and not knowing what to do. All I could offer was the best advise I know. "You are the mom you know best!"
Moms should know the sound of their babies cry, and instantly know whether it is Pain, Hunger, Frustration, or just Tired. Mom's should know when their baby is suddenly acting different. Mom's know the sounds, and movements of their babies and kids. The best thing about being a mom is you have the manual to your baby. No one else does. The hard part is learning that code... once you start to understand what your baby wants, it's like a dance. My 9 month old makes a certain sound when she is hungry. I don't feed her till she makes that sound. Sometimes sticking to a schedule of what you are supposed to do, isn't ideal for every child. I like to stick to a schedule, but I'm also ready for my baby to change it up on me all of a sudden.
So for all those first time mom's.... stop listening to what other people say. Don't read articles about what is normal on the internet. Don't freak out just because your baby isn't hitting all the same milestones as everyone else's kid. Every child is different. The pity of it all is that we are forced to take our children to check-ups every month and are judged by statistical data, and doctors. As long as your baby is healthy and happy I wouldn't worry too much about what the rest of the world is doing.
Development is just that: It's growth. Who cares how fast that happens. It will happen. And one day you will look back and think it happened too fast. So enjoy it.
