Tis the Season and I'm bored to death

2014 has been a very interesting year. I keep having positive spurts where I am very thankful to be old (33) Yes old. When I was young, I was bored... and I hated myself. Now I'm old and I'm listening to christmas music willingly. It is playing all day long, and I can't seem to get enough of it. I have sunshine spurting out of my butt, I have a skip to my step, and I am totally psyched that it has been raining and dreary for the last month. Even the weather has no affect on me. 

This is not me..... that I know of. 

Could be the pregnancy. The hormones are working in my favor. I feel great. I'm a having a girl. I think we are going to call her Ava, and I just want her now. I don't really feel like getting really fat and uncomfortable, I just want my baby. I'm so excited... and like I said, I could tell it was a girl, because I don't feel like there is an alien in my body destroying my soul.... boys... that's what they do to me- when I'm pregnant. 

My mom, aunt and uncle came over from England for a three week visit. I thought at first that it was going to blow chunks... I was ready to book a hotel room just in case.... I thought I was going to hate hosting them.... but surprise I didn't want them to go. 

Weird.... it must be the hormones. 

I cry a lot now... that they are gone. I really liked having adults around all the time. After they all left I realized that I talk to myself... and think mostly of my next meal, and bedtime. My life is boring at the moment. I can't ride horses, I can't drink alcohol, I can't do a lot of fun things. So I sit around eating.... and waiting for my baby to cook. 

Lots of waiting.....

I should be doing other things... like laundry, artwork for clients, vacuuming, baking, shopping, crafting, mucking out the run in shed, walking the dog.... lots of things I could be doing.... but my brain and body are in this happy little bubble of "nope not today" syndrome. 

Christmas is in a week. That seems crazy to me. Maybe it's because it's been 50 degrees and raining here for the past month. I need snow! 

I also really don't feel like christmas shopping for gifts... unless it's something great. I have no great gift ideas.... and I only like to give gifts to people I really like. 

Giving gifts sucks when your forced to do it on a certain day. I like to give gifts for no reason. That is the bestest! 

Like for example, I will come home and surprise my husband with a sandwich! "Surprise it's a sando!" and then he is happy. and I am happy too. Giving food is nice. Yup that's the pregnancy talking. I'm usually a food hater.... but not right now... nope. Food is my new favorite. 

I especially love pink grapefruit and salmon. 

hmmm.. both of those are pink.... maybe I'm just craving pink because I'm having a girl. 

When I was having the boys I craved cheese steaks.... brown... boys... poop.... yup. The color has something to do with it I'm sure. Boys are dirty.

Anyway, for christmas this year, I have painted a few wine glasses....some with flowers and horses and personalized names.... that was a great gift idea for some people. It was fun too! 

I plan on making my home made granola and putting it into jars with cute labels. 

And giving out soap in tins. 

Who knows... maybe I will do some cookies too. 

My husband likes prank gifts... I got over that in my twenties. Now I'm old... so I bake and make stuff. Woooo living on the edge! 

I have never been a good present giver.... I'm just going to keep that up so people don't expect too much out of me. I learned this in high school. I just failed my tests... and then the teachers weren't disappointed in me because they thought I was dumb.

In other news.... 

We got a puppy about a month or so ago. He is a chocolate labrador, his name is Henry, and he was the worst mistake of 2014. He is a good dog... but something about him makes me angry. It's his stupid face. He is really smart but does the same stuff over and over again... like he ate the shoelaces off of all of my shoes and boots. Just the shoelaces. He didn't eat anyone elses shoes. He did this on purpose. STUPID DOG.... ugh .... I can't even write about him he makes me so angry.... and I love being in my happy lazy warm bubble, and that dog is ruining it all!!!

Whatever, Watts needs to go poop. I have to go. I have to wipe his butt. My life is thrilling. 

Vegetable Lasagna

I love Vegetable Lasagna.... and tried to make it from scratch tonight. It turned out better then I could have ever imagined. Here is my recipe for it.
Serves about 4.
Prep time: about 25 minutes.

You will need:
A large Carrot
A handful of Broccoli florets
Peas
1 yellow onion
Whole leaf fresh spinach
Flour
Milk
Butter, or margarine
salt
Pepper
All in one all purpose seasoning
Garlic Powder or fresh garlic
Low Fat Mozzarella Cheese
Parmesan Cheese
Whole Wheat Pasta of your choosing (rotini, elbow, or lasagna noddles) I used about a cup and a half.

Step one:
1. Boil water for your noodles.
2.Cut up carrots and broccoli into little pieces. Add peas, ripped up spinach and any other vegetable you want. I filled a large cereal bowl with my cuttings.

3. Cut up onion, mince it

Step two:
Turn on the oven to 350 degrees
Start cooking your noodles.

In another pan....
Make your white sauce: I use this for lots of things. Like Chicken pot pie mixture, Creamed Spinach, and now my vegetable lasagna- it's great.
1. Heat up a spoonful of butter, and add in onion. Stir the onion around till it browns a little.
2. Add a handful of flour it will get all globby like thick glue.
3. Add about 1-2 cups of milk and stir around.

You will notice it start to bubble- you want it to be the consistency of salad dressing. Add milk or flour till you get the desired consistency.

Throw in the cereal bowl of veggies.
Put it on low heat and stir till it makes a yogurt like stew.
Add in salt, pepper, garlic and seasoning till it tastes really good.

Step Three:
Drain your noodles
Get a casserole dish or something to bake in.
Add a light layer of noodles
Spread your vegetable white sauce evenly over the noodles.
* Some people would add Rocotta cheese here- but I opted out because I didn't have it)
Sprinkle a little mozzarella cheese
Add a light layer of noodles
Add a light layer of mozzarella and sprinkle with parm cheese and garlic.

Cook for about 15- 20 minutes till cheese is firm and crusty.


I added a Spinach salad as a side dish with Avocado, tomatoes, and a squirt of lime juice... you can add a teaspoon of fat free dressing, or stir the avocado till it makes a nice dressing all over.

I didn't think to take a picture before we ate this.... but at least you can see what the inside looks like. Sorry for the ugly picture. 

My 5 Year Anniversary. A Story of a Saint.

Have you ever met someone that everyone likes? Looked into their eyes and see something wise, trustworthy, and loving? You know that when you are next to this person the world is small, easy and life has meaning?

I took him to my brothers summer cabin up in the Adirondack Mountains. This was a test. Most people can't hack it. I wanted to know if he could chop wood, relax, and go with the flow of no running water, no electricity, mosquito invasions and scary large wildlife at the back door.
He loved it, and with a single blow of an axe he was able to split large logs right down the middle. He looked relaxed for the first time in a long time, and his eyes went from stressed to peaceful. I knew right there and then that this was the man I wanted to spend my life with.

It was the perfect place for him to ask me…. and yet… nothing. So we drove home.

As I was driving on the New Jersey Turnpike, he was looking at the real estate paper dreaming of buying a house there… (one of his favorite hobbies) and with one leg up on the dashboard he said….
"Will you marry me?"
"Ok"
"I'm serious"
"I know"

Silence…..
"Really? You asked me while I'm driving on the ugliest high way in the world?!"
"Well, I mean it…"

So he isn't one for romance….
but neither am I.
So with no money we got married on August 15 2009 at his fathers lake house in East Berlin.

He surprised me with a  honeymoon in Sodona Arizona…. in August. I never felt arid heat, witnessed red rock, purple skies, or walked through a ghost town. We had a fabulous time.

It wasn't long before I was expecting my first boy.
By this time after hard work, amazing grades, and an impressive resume of internships he landed the perfect job as a Financial Analyst. The corporate ladder was long and I knew that he would fly… he never makes a wrong step.

Not only does he provide for us, but he is an amazing father. The smartest thing he ever said was.
 "I refuse to wake up in the middle of the night to help, so don't rely on me"
Yet…. when I was sound asleep, out cold with exhaustion, he would get up and take care of my duties without waking me up.
He is the best partner I could ask for. When I'm lacking in something, he picks up the pieces, he is always there to support me in whatever crazy thing I'm doing, and he guides me through thickets of thorns painlessly. I'm eccentric, he's practical. I'm flamboyant, he's shy. I'm mouthy, he's sensible and quiet. He is calculating, I'm a dreamer.

Twenty one months later, I had another baby boy. We had little money, but with his savvy ways he bought us a house with enough land in New Jersey to have horses. He took a week off of work and spent hours of hard work fixing the interior for us to move in while I stayed with the babies.

You will never see this man sitting around. He is strong as an ox and has a work ethic of the Amish. At least once a month he will do something that takes me off guard.
For instance, he turned a crappy old shed into a livable room and office. The craftsmanship is well done and it took him less then a week to finish it. He also built me a round ring out of found wood for my horse and spent all night in freezing temperatures finishing it on time for my birthdays so I would see it in the morning. How many bankers do that on their days off?

When I was a little girl I wanted to run a riding academy or petting zoo…. I knew that I wanted horses and lots of animals. I also wanted to be an artist, painting in my studio on my time off from teaching. I envisioned blonde hair, blue eyed children in my life, and pictured myself living off the land away from cities, and hoards of people.

How many people have all their wants and needs come true? Well sure…. by the time most people are 50 they have their stuff figured out….
But I'm going to brag for a second.
A 26 year old man gave me all of my dreams in less then 5 years.
It's only up from here. He continues to outdo himself and trump people three times his age. Proud is an understatement. I'm in awe of his brilliance.

Sure, he may not be very romantic, he can't sing, or dance, or draw, he's allergic to poison ivy, apples, and cats, and has an addiction to sunglasses and hats which he never wears…
Both of us have strengths and weaknesses.
Put us together and you have an unstoppable force. He is the left side of my brain, my heart, my soul…. I lived life before him with two left shoes on… the minute I met him my life started to work right. I haven't taken a wrong move since.

Last night he came running into the house from work, grabbed the keys to the truck and yelled "I'll be back in half an hour"

What is he up to? Sure enough almost exactly a half hour later he had returned. "Get away don't look!" My mom is standing next to him, smiling and nodding, lifting something big out of the truck. I waited patiently…. hearing a bunch of commotion.

He appears from around the garage holding a bag.
"Here you go Scooter"
I look into the bag…. splinters of mulch and twigs are inside.
Wood is the theme for five years of marriage.

"Thanks!" He has a funny sense of humor too….there is always a gag attached to something surreal.
"Well do you want to see your real present?"
"Sure!"

He walks me into his new office. There…. stood a beautiful tack trunk. Shiny grains of wood, with brass latches and galloping horses engraved along the bottom.

"It looks new!"
"It is…. "
My jaw dropped.
I have always wanted a nice tack trunk… it's something that equestrians cherish to hold all their horsey needs.

Ok…. so this man can be romantic. He trumped me. I have nothing to give that could be this nice or thoughtful.

This is my gift… I can speak volumes about the things this man has done for me and my family. I admire him for his hard work, his devoted love to me and our children. There aren't many men out there that are this loyal to the simple things in life. Family and Love.

I know that if you threw us in the middle of the woods with nothing to live on, we would survive and still love each other as if we were millionaires.

I dropped my three year old off at Daycare this morning. I jumped into the truck and backed out of the parking lot, looked over and saw a Dove sitting on the stoop of the parking lot. Doves are love birds, you never just see one without the other. I looked closer for the other, and sure enough I saw the male sitting on the ground. I thought it was odd… is he sick? I made a noise to startle him… he ruffled his feathers… oh no he's sick… my heart dropped how horrible.
I pulled back into the space, and watched… he stood up, and underneath his body was a baby. The mother jumped down and fed her baby and the male walked around the parking lot guarding his family.  What a treat to see this family on our wedding anniversary.

Like love birds, I will never be far from my mans side, and will care for his offspring and for him till his dying days. I'm bound to him forever. I found my mate in life, and I can't see my world without him in it. Not many people can say that… I spent a lot of my life battling trivial things, countless hours struggling to find happiness, dealing with my lost world and letting it pull me down into a pit of depression. His strong hand grabbed mine and pulled me from my misery and handed me a life that I would hope most people find in heaven. His name is that of a Saint, and I truly feel he was put on this earth to save me. It's been the best five years of my life so far, and I can't wait to see what happens next.

The love birds…. Male on the bottom Female at the top. Just two birds. 

The male is moving on the bottom… something is under his butt! 

There you are! Mom jumps down and feeds baby, while the father walks around guarding his family. 

Old Art and Sketches.

I have been working on a webpage for my artwork, and realized that I don't have old work to show. I found all of my old sketchbooks, and some paintings hanging around and took photo's of them. Some of these are really old… from 1998 on up to 2005.  I was all over the place…I had no idea what to draw, or what a theme was. Everyone else had something… I don't know why it took me this long to just stick with animals and horses. It's all over my sketchbooks, but were awful! It took me a really long time to learn how to draw a horse. 

A picture taken of me at Tyler School of Art. Oh to be young and free with no idea what school debt was. This was my ignorant phase of life. 

A landscape sketch of the countryside in Burwash, England where I lived for a whole summer in high school. 1998.  

A homework assignment for Grad School. "Draw your room in perspective"  2006-2007.

A homework assignment for an Illustration class I took, first attempts of using a real fountain pen… what a mess that was. Ink on Paper. 2004.

An attempt to draw a baby. Pencil drawing in my sketchbook for high school. 1999. 

Another pen and charcoal attempt at drawing sheep. 2004

a pen and pencil drawing study I did in High School.  1998. 

A sketch I did of my Physics teacher in High School. Most boring man I have ever met.  1998.

First attempt at using illustration markers. I wanted to see if I could illustrate something scary. 2006.

A study of a model I did in High School. Pencil in a sketchbook. 1998.

A study of a dried up rose. Pencil in a sketch book. 1998.

A pen and ink drawing for an illustration class. 2006.

A pen and ink drawing I did of my dads dog Chelsea in high school when I was in my R.Crumb phase. 1998.

Tyler School of Art Painting. "The Asylum" Oil on Canvas. 2006.

Oil on Canvas painting I did in Art School. 2007.

Oil Paint on Canvas done in Art School when I was going through my Thomas Kincade phase. "The Day Dream" 2006.

Oil on Canvas painting of my Childhood summer home. "Toad Hall". 2007.

Horse Portraits and Equine Art

The cartoons are, and were all, well and good…but I was disappointed in my drawing style. I thought I would take some time out and get back to the basics of drawing by doing some studies of animals. I forgot that I could draw…. and was surprised that with age comes patiences. I never had that before… but now I have the time and my drawing style has greatly improved.

I have started to do animal and horse portraits. I am starting to receive some commissions. Each of these drawings take me about five hours, but I'm pleased with the way they have turned out.

"Loafie" was done using Watercolor, Marker, Pencil, and Pen. It is 8.5 x11. 

This is Loafie or "The Best Life" racing before he retired. The owner loves her champion horse and wanted a portrait done of him in his glory days.

Drawing from a photograph is very easy… so if you have a picture of a pet that you would like a drawing or painting of contact me.

 e.aaron.designs@gmail.com

Here is another commission I did for  Stephanie at SLM Dressage. She sent me a photo of her and her horse "Obilix". This was done using Watercolor, marker, pen and pencil. 8.5x11.

This is the photo I used to do the portrait above.

Here is a commission I did for a lady that wanted a sketch of her paint pony "Prince", she asked me to add his nameplate into the photo. It was done using Watercolor, Pencil and Pen. It is 8.5 x11 on card stock paper.

Here is the photo of Prince that was sent to me. 

A study of a pig wearing boots.

Study of a "Dales Pony"  face and hair.

Study of line, shading, and horse hair, foreshortening etc….


Pricing:
Option A: Drawing or light watercolor on archival paper
$50 for an 8 x10 drawing or water color like the ones above.
- send me a photo of what you want done
   -or-
- I will come to you and photograph your vision

Photography:
Local: free of charge
Long Distance: Gas charge only will be added to artwork.

Option B: Painting on Canvas or Board
$10 an hour for anything bigger requiring special mediums such as oils, watercolor, acrylic, pastels or pencil.

Option C: Prints and Framing
$25 for a print size 8x10 of any of the above.
Pricing varies:
Professional prints on archival paper going up to 24" x36" and framing also available.

"I hate you!"

My three year old son has decided that his favorite word is "hate". He uses it all the time, and each time it makes me cringe. The worst of all is when he tells me at least thirty times a day "I hate you mommy!" pointing his tiny finger at me and scowling like an evil gnome.

It takes every bit of my energy not to take it so personally. When he says these things to me I immediately envision myself picking him up by the back of his shirt and punt kicking his ass out the door for someone else to deal with. But instead, I calmly tell him not to use that word because it is hurtful to my feelings, and is not a nice thing to say.

This tactic has not worked, and it's been about two weeks of consistent hate words flying out of his nasty little toddler mouth every half hour. Enough is enough, I can't take it anymore.

So I resorted to a story, that got a wee bit weird and out of hand…. (even for me).

I had just finished taking the boys to the park, mcdonalds, and shopping, and they were good… until Watts saw the plane ride at the store was actually working with a child in it… "Mommy! look it works! You said it was broken! I want to go on it"

"nope- sorry. no time now, look at that kid, he is having no fun, it's still broken, the ride barely moves, you are having a better ride in this shopping cart- which is free, and doesn't make an irritating noise that makes mommies ears hurt"

So I put him in his car seat, with the little legs kicking…. the whining starts up…. and out comes the pointed finger… "I HATE YOU MOMMY!"

Right…. well… that was it.

So I calmly climbed into the drivers seat, and began my story, that went a little like this…..

"Wattsy…. I have told you not to say the word "hate". He cuts me off…. "Well I DO HATE YOU!"
Well…. that's fine. You can hate me… but there is a place for children that hate their mommies. It's called the Troll House.

"The Troll House?" "What is the troll house?"

"Well since you hate me, I suppose it would be best for you to go somewhere else to live…. somewhere that has no mommies… since you hate me and all. This is a place where children that hate their parents go. The troll house is right down that road there"…. and I point out the window at a street that I know Watts has never been on.

"I want to go to the troll house!"

"Oh..I chuckle... I don't think you will like it there…. you see- the trolls aren't like me or daddy who take you nice places, feed you your favorite foods, give you hugs and kisses, give you warm baths, and love you.... no no…. the trolls are different"

"Different?"

Watts is now very interested in my story, and I am trying desperately not to take this down a dark road, but I do make it as scary as possible without scaring him for life. I start thinking of all the things I know he hates….

"Well…. the trolls put children in cages, and leave them in the cages all day. They don't get to play, or watch cartoons… in fact they are forced to watch the NEWS. and…. they don't get snacks… they get the same meal every single day. Broccoli and Water. And…. it gets worse. They don't have diapers… so you will be forced to poop on the potty."

Watts looks thoughtful for a moment.

"I hate trolls! I will kill them with my sword!"

"but you won't have a sword, because you won't have anything… no toys, nothing to play with… nothing to kill the trolls with... Just a plate of broccoli and a cup of water… and a potty. which will sit in your cage"

He is still thinking about all of this…..
"I don't want to go to the troll house"

"Well that will be easy… you just have to stop saying the word "hate"… and be nice to me, daddy and James, we love you very much and wan't you to live with us forever, but only if you love us too"

"Ok, I will be nice to you mommy, I don't want to live at the troll house"

So since then…. we have gone all day without the word hate….and he has been much better to me.
Till about an hour ago… he told James (his little brother) that he hated him, and threw his favorite toy in the trash can.
So to remind Watts…. I drew him a picture of what the troll house looked like.
He watched me draw it… and as he asked questions like "Is there a phone to call home?" I would draw a phone…. "Is there a door to escape?" I would draw a door… but would put a lock on it… It was fun, and he was really into it.
He asked all sorts of questions, but was more interested in killing them…. with a sword.
He really hates the trolls. Which in my mind is ok.
The Troll House should be something to hate.
I drew all the things he actually hates in the world… and put them into one picture.
Now he knows what the word means.

Children's Book.

A few people have urged me to write a children's book. "You have all the stories in your blog, the book is there"

The thought makes me cringe. After several attempts to try new things, I have failed 99% of the time. I have learned not to invest money into my talents, and to climb the ladder one step at a time, very very slowly. Three steps is about as high as I have gone so far. I'm scared of heights, and success.

Ugh… this is useless… one of the boys has locked himself in his room. I can't even think STRAIGHT! How am I going to write a book if I can't even type this sentence!

Be right back….. kid needs rescuing from his room.

Thank you "Minions", Snacks  and Juice Cups… I can now get back to what I was saying. I even had time to switch over the laundry which included one wooden block, my husbands fishing license, and my mothers slipper. My brain might be in there too, but it's too small to find.

Anyway,
Children's books….
Another problem I have with writing a children's book is that there are MILLIONS of them… mostly ripped and colored on in my house. Every topic has been exhausted. Not to mention that I'm pretty sure people have stopped buying books. All the books we have were handed over from other grubby kids. I have never bought a book for my children.
That sounds terrible. I'm a horrible person.

Yet…. it didn't hurt me to look into the process. Which quickly became overwhelming, and daunting. Guess how much one book costs to print on average? $12-$25. On top of this, most authors invest a few grand into their books. With maybe a $500 payment back if they are good. So what is the point?

My kids have no interest in me, why should others? The whole idea is nonsense. It's a lot of work, and it costs way too much money. Plus the time, and effort to illustrate, and write, and edit, and… yuck.

Yet…. I suppose I could publish one on my blogger…. and then you…. the reader could let me know if it sucked. Who am I kidding. No one reads this blog.

Ok well that was my thought pattern. I'm done thinking about it. All the odds are entirely not in my favor.

Oh Mr Art, and Miss Creativity, how you kill me so. I wish I had been born with math skills, and an attention span to cure cancer instead of this nonsense and useless, money pit of a hobby.

"Oh…. I wish I could draw!"
That comment always pisses me off.

In my mind I scream…  "AND THATS WHY YOUR RICH!"

I'll stick to making greeting cards. It's easy, the cost is not exorbitant, and it is a great way to see if people like me… if they... really really like me, and my sick twisted humor.

And then maybe I will try taking a few steps up that ladder. But right now, I'm wearing a parachute… with holes in it.
Which coincidentally matches the holes in my pockets.

In the meantime, enjoy my mood with me… here is a quick sketch of a cartoon I did. My dad didn't like it…. (we can't always be happy daddy. We just can't).

This is a dead dear on the side of the road with a "Get Well" balloon tied to it's leg because the little girl thought it was just sick. How bout that for a children's story?  Bambie never woke up because it jumped in front of a car and that's why you should look both ways before crossing the road. It's a start, I can really feel the millions rolling in now. 

Cartooning

I was at Michaels the other day looking for some art supplies for my kids. As I browsed the art section, goosebumps sprung up on my arms… the smell of paper, crayons, and paints quickly gave me flashbacks to a younger me shopping for new paints for art school. I couldn't help myself. I bought a new notebook and some water color pencils. The cheapest I could find… thinking…that maybe I would do some quick doodles while the kids play.

My dad is always begging me to sketch out the stories I tell him on the phone at night. "Do me a favor and draw that…. it would make for a lovely illustration"

So I did… I drew something… and was done in 20 minutes. Pleased with the results I posted it to my Facebook page. The photograph came out much better then the drawing, popping the colors, and giving it a nice professional look. After that I was on a roll.

My dad would call and tell me to keep going. He was my ultimate cheerleader, telling me that what I had was such a talent, and that there is something that I did to those drawings that was unique. My dad was just being my dad…. everything I do is great. I know this.

Alas, it was fun, and it was keeping me sane. I decided to start a series of cartoons of animals doing people things. It was easy to come up with ideas with the help of my husband who finds animals doing people things hysterical.

I went a step further and asked my local tack shop if they would post my work on their Facebook page. They wrote back asking if they were for sale.

Soon I was there showing off my sketches, and made a deal to make some greeting cards to sell at the store. It's a start.

My work will be for sale at the Tollbooth Saddle Shop in about two weeks.
I have chosen a few sketches to be printed on greeting cards with funny sayings with the inside saying "Get Well" "Happy Birthday" "Congratulations" etc. Plus a few mugs…

I've invested about $40 so far… if my work sells… I think I will take it a step further and submit to magazines, and go to horse shows to open a booth. I could sell T-shirts, mugs, tote bags, you name it, I can have it made.

Here are a few items that will be printed up.
Enjoy.

Doc, I can't take it anymore. They put me in a coffin with wheels, put corn rows in my hair, made me dance in front of strangers. Don't even get me started on the chair they tie to my back. I look stupid. I quit. I just can't! 

Resume for Dog
 Objective: Looking for messy kids, willing to clean floors, counters, and tiny hands of all crumbs and scraps. 

"Snickers, I really enjoyed that stunt you pulled today where you stood in the middle of the ring and refused to go. Trainer was sure mad at you and yet you still got sugar cubes at the end of the lesson!" 

Accidents Happen. Get Well Soon! 

Sitting on the Dock of the Bay

"Bubbles was tired of giving pony rides"
Happy Birthday! 

A true love story

Love… such a complicated emotion, it is a necessity in life to love something, or someone to truly be happy.

This story is true,  I will change only the names of the people I will be telling the story about.

In the late 50's an english nurse in her 20's by the name of Rose lived in England and  was called to the United States to work in a hospital. She packed her bags and sailed across the Atlantic on The Queen Elizabeth II to start her life in America. She left everything behind; her family, friends, and familiarity.

Once she had settled into her new home she was given an assignment to work as a private nurse for an ALS patient who was a mother of six. She got to know the family very well, and they welcomed her with open arms and pretty soon; she was part of the family.

She left on vacation to go back to England and while there, she drove all around Europe with her boyfriend Ken. She loved him, they had a wonderful time together, he was the kindest man she had ever met… but her life was in America.

She came home to chaos. The ALS patient had some complications while Rose was away and passed away two days later, leaving the husband and children of six in ruins.

Shortly after, more family members passed away, the husband of the ALS patient being one of them. For Rose and the family it was a nightmare. It was a month of mourning. The oldest son had taken a liking to Rose, and began courting her.  She ended her relationship with her boyfriend in England and married the oldest son with a deal that after one year, if it doesn't work out, Rose would leave and go back to England. True love, not really…the trauma of that family is what brought them together.

Twenty five years of marriage, with three children, through good time's and bad…. Rose found herself with a husband that lied and cheated on her. He left her for another woman. She was never the same. She was an innocent woman that had never been hurt or lied to by anyone ever. She was heart broken. The blow was catastrophic to Rose. She spent the next 18 years alone, hating herself, with a low self esteem and mild case of depression. Finding a new man to keep her company was the last thing she wanted. She was hurt, and scared to move on and trust someone new. Rose would sit outside at night by herself looking out at the night sky…

One night she received a phone call from her brother. Ken was there, on vacation, and wanted to speak to her. After an hour of speaking to Ken, she hung up the phone with a head full of questions. Ken's wife had just passed away of cancer six months ago. He was going to travel, and was looking for a traveling companion and asked Rose if she would like to join him. She immediately thought that she was too old to go and do things like that… her life was still in America raising her grand children and helping her daughter around the house. She thought that he would soon be after the younger women, after all that's what men do when they lose a wife…they wait, and find something newer and younger to play with. Her mind was tainted by what her ex husband had done to her.

Rose's daughter saw something different in her. A woman that still had life in her, and was wasting it on her back porch watching the night sky alone. Rose was like an abused horse afraid to be touched by a human hand again. So, with much persistence, the daughter slowly started to work her magic and guided her mother to find love once again.

First step was email exchange. Rose and Ken quickly got to their iPads and would write tiny notes to each other. The title of the email: Romance. Rose would check her email every morning and walk away with her coffee in hand, some color in her cheeks, and a school girl smile. The "romance" was working.

After a few weeks of emails Rose was getting nervous. "I'm too old for this!" she would say. Rose couldn't sleep, and the daughter would be persistent in urging her mother to just let it happen…and quickly gave her a makeover. The new hairdo, wardrobe, and manicure helped, with lots of pep talk and positive ways to look at the situation.

The daughter quickly reminded rose that she was wasting her life watching her raise the kids. The 30's are a slow time in life…how the daughter envied Rose for her new found freedom to get up and go anywhere in the world with not a care in the world. She had no bills to pay, no mortgage, no kids to feed, no animals to look after. There was nothing holding Rose back... except herself. Rose would nod, and agree but her eyes were still filled with worry, and skepticism. She was afraid of being hurt again.

Next step was to get Rose across the pond to see Ken. Both were excited but nervous to see each other again after 40 years. They both complained of looking much older, and feeling nervous. Days flew by and after a month of communication with Ken, the plane ticket was booked. The daughter dropped Rose off at the airport with a final word of "CALL ME!"

Once in England, Rose stayed at her sisters house. The daughter emailed her Aunt and Nieces to find out how her mom was doing. They all confirmed the same thing, she was magically happy, and had never seen her like this.  Everyday, Ken would come to the house to pick Rose up and take her for a spin around the country side, have some lunch, dinner and then would drop her off in the evenings. The two were enchanted with each other.

Finally, the daughter got the magic phone call from Rose. "I am so happy!, I love him!" Rose exclaimed. For the first time ever the daughter could hear a smile in her mothers voice. She sounded younger, with energy…and wanted to stay longer.

At the age of 75, Rose had found love, (although it was there the whole time). She had always loved Ken, and he had always loved Rose. They picked right up where they left off in the early 60's. Age didn't matter, looks didn't matter. They were together again driving through the country side together, laughing and loving once again.

True love will always stay in the heart. Time doesn't affect it, nor do appearances. It's all about heart and soul. It's unstoppable. Life is short. Follow your heart, (and listen to your daughters.)

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies" -Aristotle.

Sacrifice and Dreams.

Yesterday my family and I were sitting at the patio table outside eating dinner. Watt's my three old was done eating his dinner, had gotten up from the table and was standing in his tractor that he drives around. He pointed directly at my husband and said " I'm going to poop in your food!"

My husband turns bright red, almost chocking on his dinner and starts to cry with laughter. What a ridiculous thing to say to someone… After we were done wiping tears from our eyes, my son flips around and drives off in his tractor. Three year olds are strange little beings.

Meanwhile, my one year old still refuses to use English as his first language and when he does manage to muster a word out, he speaks as if he's deaf. I'm not too worried about it because somehow he conveys what he wants through grunts and a shake of the head. He is a loving little pig that destroys everything in his path, but is smart as a button and loves like an angel

So those are my kids… that I spend most of my day with, while also juggling a stay at home job as an Interior Designer and Business Developer for an Architecture Firm, and an animal care giver.

The animal care giving may be the hardest tasks for me to juggle at the moment. Finding two hours a day to sneak out to ride, or groom my horse may be one of the most selfish things I can do. I feel guilty for enjoying myself with my horse Raven… I could spend all day out there with her…. honestly, all day. I will always find myself just standing at the gate looking at her beauty watching her walk…. I want to sit in the field with her and watch her take a nap. I'm completely smitten by her.

Meanwhile, my two sons are with my mother destroying the house and driving her blinking insane.

Today the ultimate test came my way. A random email showed up….asking me… no offering me a training job to start a riding school. The email was from the owner… she has an eight stall barn, owns two horses, has a riding ring, a round pen… 16 acres…. and all she wants is for me to take it over and run a summer camp and a riding academy. I re-read the email about forty times, looked up to see where it was… an hour and a half one way…. of course. I forwarded the email to my husband. He wrote back. "Seems a little too far" that was it. Hopes and dreams done- can't take the job because it would take up too much time and money to drive back and forth while raising a family and taking care of my own animals.

I couldn't help myself…. I checked out other horse related jobs…. a ton of jobs all over the place…. offering dream after dream of hard work and dedication worth of valuable lessons and skill sets. All of them… too far away or would take up too much time away from the boys… one after the other was a dream come true…. only to hear in the background my reality… granny yelling at the boys "Stop it! I'm tired, owwww that hurts, stop hitting me, no biting, ugh where is your MOTHER?!"

And so I snapped shut my lap top…. rushed to get some juice and a banana while shoving my hopes and dreams under the bed in my brain.

I just have to think about poop in my food….. to make it all worth while.
"I will poop in your food!" Wattsy said while pointing at my husband.

That…. is worth my time in gold.
A true bout of hysterical laughter…
A great dinner with my family.
And happy kids.

My dreams can wait. Right now I'm sure I am living a dream that will only last a second.

Rabies in New Jersey

It all started about six months ago. A black creature was seen skittering across our backyard always lingering in the shadows at night. Slowly over time the black creature came closer and closer till finally it showed itself to us.

A very cute black kitten with fur that glistened in the moonlight. It had befriended our two other cats and would come to eat with them. After a month I decided it was time for the wild kitty to have a name. Tuxedo Cat it came to be, always dressed for the occasion with a bow tie and white shirt it would attend dinners and dine with it's feline friends. How I wanted to pet this kitty, it looked so soft, and fluffy... I would pine as I watched this very skittish kitty lick her friends, play in the moonlight, and dart the minute I stepped up to the plate. I would give that all back now just to see her play again.

The day finally came where I stood next to the table as my friendly kitty friends dined, and suddenly out of thin air there was Tuxedo two inches from my finger, I froze, lifted my finger and was able to touch her for a brief moment. Her eyes went wild, and she was gone.

Over the next few weeks of finger touches, she became less afraid of me, and came closer every day. Soon she was seen in the mornings, in the afternoon, and always at night, she came running to my song of "Tuxedo Cat, where are you? Come to me my little Tuxedo Cat" and out she would come from a bush or a tree to eat, but never to be touched. Watching her toss sticks into the air, and play with balls, and chase her tail was enough joy for me. I loved to watch this ball of life be a crazy little cat.

One day I thought I was seeing double. There on my outdoor patio table stood two Tuxedo Cats. Identical except for a tiny white patch difference around the mouth. Tuxedo had a twin sister. This must be who she hangs out with, and she has brought her to the party. I was thrilled to see the two of them bonding over a meal. The hubster on the other hand, sighed, and was like, "Oh great another cat to feed, when is this going to end?"

Winter came slowly, till it finally broke and the temperature went below zero. A storm hit and we were hit with a good amount of snow. I had all the cat houses outfitted, the horses blanketed, and heat lamps on, all my animals were bundled and protected from the storm. Two days went by, no Tuxedo cat… I started to worry. I called for her, went looking for her in her hiding spots, looked for paw prints. I couldn't find her.

It was around 8:30pm on a Saturday night when the hubster came in from outside yelling at me to come quick. I went outside and there was Tuxedo, yet she wasn't acting right. She was meowing non stop, loud meows… not her normal kitten mew. She also was around our feet, never leaving us alone. She would grab onto our legs, while yelling frantically at us. We didn't know what to do. "She's nuts! She's acting totally nuts!, what's wrong with her?" is all the hubster and I could muster to say. I finally just scooped her up, and held her in my lap. She quieted down, and would stay still while I stroked her silky fluffy fur. She started to purr. I was in heaven, finally I get to touch this cat, and she is enjoying my company. I finally had to put her down, I was freezing and she went walking away, meowing loudly, acting strange. I went to bed.

In the morning there she was… meowing… still. I got a call from the hubster saying that she had molested his legs as he went to work that morning. She tried to jump in the car with him, and then ran under the car and wouldn't come out… while meowing all the while. I watched her all day…

By Sunday night I was worried… Ron (our friendly cat/dog) was feeling under the weather, he had just had his tail bitten by an animal and had been in the house the past few days. I thought maybe she missed him. I took him outside to see her. He did something very strange.
He hissed
He growled
He swatted at her
His fur stood up on edge, and then he darted back into the house.

And then… she followed him into the house.
She was now in our kitchen. Yet… she stopped meowing, and desperately wanted to be with him.
We blocked him in the kitchen… both the hubster and I sat in the kitchen watching the two interact. Ron growled, and tried desperately to leave the kitchen. Tuxedo ran up to him with wide eyes pleading for his help. He hissed at her, and walked away… she turned her back to him… yet… she stopped meowing.
The hubster and I had a sit down with Ron… "What is wrong with you?" "Why don't you like her anymore?" "Was she the one that bit you?"

Ron looked at us… with pleading eyes… feeling ashamed, but staring at us intently.

"It's not me" "It's her" He was saying to us.

When she was in the kitchen, I noticed she was walking funny. 

Perhaps she has broken something.

In the morning I decided to take her to the vet.
She was examined on Tuesday morning, and they found no broken bones or problems. Her back leg would buckle out, and she was walking like a duck. Her temperature was low and the vet advised me to bring her into the house and keep her warm. 

The vet casually mentioned that if she dies within the week, it could be Rabies… But he mentioned this very quickly and casually, seeing as it wasn't the top on his list for things wrong with her.

I brought her home and made her a warm nest in the corner of my kitchen.
For the next two days, she didn't eat, pee or poop. She barely moved unless to go and lay in her liter box. She preferred to sleep there. She quickly went paralyzed in her back legs. I was certain it was neurological, and as her symptoms started to come forth, I started to Google like mad.

All signs pointed to Rabies.
The hairs stood up on the back of my neck each time.
I now had a cat in my kitchen that had scratched and licked my hands… that may have Rabies.

I called Animal Control and told them to come pick up this cat that may have Rabies. They never answered the phone, or called me back.
I called the Police. They did nothing.
I called The animal Shelters. They were more worried about me being exposed and told me to call all the same people I already called.
Nobody could help me.

I was able to call each new symptom before it happened.
She went to the Vet on Tuesday walking like a duck.
By Wednesday she was paralyzed up to the arm pits.
By Thursday night at exactly 6:00 pm she started to have seizures, and tried to bite her own paw off. She would growl and howl, and became extremely violent, her tongue would hang from her mouth.  I decided it was time to end her suffering. I had spent the last four days holding this cat in my lap and bonding with her… she was now my friend. Yet, this creature… this monster, was no longer Tuxedo. It was a Zombie… I quickly ended the suffering, and then broke down….

My father was freaking out since Wednesday, calling me non stop to ask if Animal Control came yet.… he wanted this animal tested now. There was nothing I could do though… nobody would come get the cat.

My dad finally got ahold of Animal Control. He threatened to call the newspaper and tell them all about a cat with Rabies that they didn't come and get.

Tuxedo was picked up a week later, tested a day later, and then I knew for sure that this poor cat… did indeed have Rabies. Bad news… for me, and my animals.

The Health Department showed up with a letter explaining the situation. The letter went out to the school across the street, and to all the neighbors…. after all… according to this letter... Rabies is an epidemic in our area.

I promptly took every cat I could get my hands on to the vet to get their Rabies shots.

and then….

I had to go get my Rabies shots.
One Tetanus shot in my left arm
A preventative Rabies shot in my right arm, left hip and right hip.
The actual Rabies shot in my left arm.
And then 20 injections of preventative rabies shots around my wrist where I had been scratched and licked.

Not to mention that the only place to get these shots is the Emergency Room.
And…
I had to go back 3 days later, for another shot in my right arm
I then went back 4 days later for another shot in my right arm
and then on Sunday I go for my last shot, and I will be free of this.

In total this has cost a ton of money in medical care.
A ton of emotional stress.
and…
now I'm known as the "Girl getting her Rabies Shots" at the ER.

So please…
Get your pets vaccinated.
Wash your hands with soap and water after getting a scratch or bite from ANY animal.
I am thankful that I am a neurotic hand washer.

Tuxedo Cat and Ron in love. 

Tuxedo Cat Purring in her box a day before she died. Paralyzed in the back legs.