James Emmett

I'm pregnant again. It's going to be a boy and we are going to name him James. I am now 28 weeks into my pregnancy and feeling very full of baby. I think I may be a bit larger this time around then the first time. Taking care of Watts is very hard at the moment. I can't really bend down to pick things up, and I have trouble carrying him. He only weighs 23 lbs but I can really feel it when he is dead weight. Being pregnant with an 18 month old is also difficult because I have trouble controlling my temper and emotions. For instance Watts wont always eat his breakfast and will spit his food out.... this irritates every nerve in my body. I have to walk out of the kitchen and sit down and do breathing exercises. He also is going through a money phase which he calls "meena" and insists on playing with Grannies coins in her purse. He puts the money in his mouth... god only knows how many of these he's swallowed. I have no more energy to stop him... I just have given up caring. On top of this we are still living with my mother. Watts doesnt leave her alone...ever. He throws mini tantrums when she wont do things for him, and is constantly harassing her. Just getting my swollen self off the sofa is a challenge. I can barely get up the stairs without wanting to take a nap by the top step. Watts beats the living crap out of me daily- always going after my huge belly and wanting to sit on it and bounce as if its a ball. He also pinches my bellybutton and grabs at my boobs. I'm afraid of him and spend most of my time defending my unborn child, hoping that his brother doesnt make him come out early.

Pregnancy should be a blessing but I am totally miserable and depressed. I just want to get all of this over with. I want to have my kids go to school already so that I can do what I like on my own time. People say that kids grow up too fast. Thank god. Mine arent growing up fast enough.Dont get me wrong I love Watts more then I love myself.... but I just dont have what it takes to really do this right. I have no patience, and I feel angry all the time.

. I should be thankful that I am healthy and that my kids are healthy and I still have a husband. A husband who is also quite miserable with me at the moment. Oh well....I only have another 3 months.