I don't celebrate it. I laughed the one year my husband actually got me something for the holiday. He knows better not to bother. You know I love you... if I don't treat you like crap. So for one day of the year I will be a little nicer then usual. Happy Valentines Day. Or you might get some vegan brownies that taste nothing like real brownies. They suck, but your fat... so.... here. nom nom nom..
I tried to get my facebook peeps to tell me "what was the worst gift you ever got?" and no one wrote back anything because they all suck or are scared of what I might write. AND so you should be.
My Aunt wrote something though...and mentioned that she had never gotten a Valentine.... This made me feel kinda bad, and after much thought I tried desperately to surprise her with a gift... but she lives in the middle of no-where and it has been told that burro's (donkey like animal) once brought her the mail. So this deemed almost impossible.
She has a P.O Box. I have no idea how big it is... and can you send flowers to a box? I asked my dad and he told me to just send her some vapo-rub... because he said that he saw her eat it once. This did make me laugh out loud... I think it may even be true. You never know with my family. They are all on the weird side. To be fair to her... my dad put silly putty in his ear and it melted...
So Anyway.... I did the next best thing. My Aunt loves Cats... (weirdo alert) she has a lot of cats. She may even speak cat ... and have I mentioned that I have never met her? She wont travel... she likes to keep to herself... with her cats. and a dog. (Not that there is anything wrong with that). I have gotten to know her through the internet. She used to send me care packages when Iw as a kid with tons of stickers and cool stuff like fossils... and I always liked them. Everything was so colorful and fun. I told her that I was going to come and visit her... and she wouldn't tell me her address... because she doesn't like humans. I think she's funny. When I have a bad day I look at her blog... yup she has one... and it is way cooler than mine.
Anyway, Aunt Julia... here is your Valentine's Day Gift. It is a picture of your favorite cat Rexie... (Rexie just recently had all of his teeth pulled, and my aunt has been nursing him back to health). I can't imagine how horrible this is for the both of them. She has had Rexie since he was a kitten, and I think she mentioned that he is now 15. I looked for kitty dentures and couldn't find any. I did however find some really gross pictures of cat teeth. ( don't google "cat dentures")... so I did this drawing instead. I hope you both like it. AND I will harass my dad to find a cute picture (if any).. of you as a small child, scan it and send to you. "Happy Valentines Day". Ugh... I think I just threw up in my mouth a little... did I really just write that? I'm getting sappy in my old age.
 |
| "Look out bitches, I'm coming to eat your faces with my kick ass new teeth!" Rexie says to the vermin that are fleeing from his enormous human sized chompers (complete with a gap tooth since this is all the rage at the moment). |
 |
| show this to your cats so they know it's normal to brush their teeth. |
