I don't celebrate it. I laughed the one year my husband actually got me something for the holiday. He knows better not to bother. You know I love you... if I don't treat you like crap. So for one day of the year I will be a little nicer then usual. Happy Valentines Day. Or you might get some vegan brownies that taste nothing like real brownies. They suck, but your fat... so.... here. nom nom nom..
I tried to get my facebook peeps to tell me "what was the worst gift you ever got?" and no one wrote back anything because they all suck or are scared of what I might write. AND so you should be.
My Aunt wrote something though...and mentioned that she had never gotten a Valentine.... This made me feel kinda bad, and after much thought I tried desperately to surprise her with a gift... but she lives in the middle of no-where and it has been told that burro's (donkey like animal) once brought her the mail. So this deemed almost impossible.
She has a P.O Box. I have no idea how big it is... and can you send flowers to a box? I asked my dad and he told me to just send her some vapo-rub... because he said that he saw her eat it once. This did make me laugh out loud... I think it may even be true. You never know with my family. They are all on the weird side. To be fair to her... my dad put silly putty in his ear and it melted...
So Anyway.... I did the next best thing. My Aunt loves Cats... (weirdo alert) she has a lot of cats. She may even speak cat ... and have I mentioned that I have never met her? She wont travel... she likes to keep to herself... with her cats. and a dog. (Not that there is anything wrong with that). I have gotten to know her through the internet. She used to send me care packages when Iw as a kid with tons of stickers and cool stuff like fossils... and I always liked them. Everything was so colorful and fun. I told her that I was going to come and visit her... and she wouldn't tell me her address... because she doesn't like humans. I think she's funny. When I have a bad day I look at her blog... yup she has one... and it is way cooler than mine.
Anyway, Aunt Julia... here is your Valentine's Day Gift. It is a picture of your favorite cat Rexie... (Rexie just recently had all of his teeth pulled, and my aunt has been nursing him back to health). I can't imagine how horrible this is for the both of them. She has had Rexie since he was a kitten, and I think she mentioned that he is now 15. I looked for kitty dentures and couldn't find any. I did however find some really gross pictures of cat teeth. ( don't google "cat dentures")... so I did this drawing instead. I hope you both like it. AND I will harass my dad to find a cute picture (if any).. of you as a small child, scan it and send to you. "Happy Valentines Day". Ugh... I think I just threw up in my mouth a little... did I really just write that? I'm getting sappy in my old age.
 |
| "Look out bitches, I'm coming to eat your faces with my kick ass new teeth!" Rexie says to the vermin that are fleeing from his enormous human sized chompers (complete with a gap tooth since this is all the rage at the moment). |
 |
| show this to your cats so they know it's normal to brush their teeth. |
Well, Rexie and I are very touched by this, Liz, although we are both a little scared of the new teeth you have given him. You're a good egg, Liz!
ReplyDeleteYou and I have so met. You were little. I was big. And Tibbles the cat was living in the basement. At least I think I met you when you were a baby. I know I met your brothers anyway. I even knit a baby blanket for the oldest of them! Heck, maybe you slept under that blanket too, when you came along. Surely it was passed down as a treasured family heirloom. In fact, someone should dig up the ratty thing so your youngest can sleep under it...
And yes, I did eat some Vicks-Vapo-Rub, and it's very interesting to learn that your father stood there watching me do it, instead of taking it away from me to KEEP ME FROM DYING. I would have been about 6 months old. I had a cold, and they left the Vicks-Vapo-Rub within reach, so naturally I ate it. Later, maybe your father mentioned that the baby had POISONED herself, or else someone else noticed I was DYING, and they rushed me to the hospital and pumped my stomach. This was, I think, on Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas, and Happy Valentine's Day, too.
you can't remember for sure if it was me that you met... but you remember the name of the cat living in the basement? ... and... I'm not sure if he watched you eat it... he just said you ate it. And he made it sound like you were much older... I envisioned maybe you at 10 years old... not 6 months, in which case... that would have been way funnier. So You were 10 when you ate the rub and you liked the taste of it so you ate it all the time... yay! new memory for you. Your welcome! . And I love that blanket. It still looks new. wink wink.
ReplyDeleteI think Tibbles was grey and white. You and your brothers would all have been pinkish colored. Actually all I remember about you chldren was once when one of your brothers defiantly threw a bag of flour on the kitchen floor when I was there. It made a huge mess.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was around 10 years old I used to go to the school nurse and ask to sniff the Vicks-Vapo-Rub. I had stopped actually eating it, though.
you 2 are hilarious, best giggle I have had in a bit!!!
ReplyDelete