The world is coming to an end.

This world is so negative.... so many things are going wrong in the world. For instance we had an earthquake the other day in Philadelphia... wtf? On top of this it has been raining nonstop with thunder storms for the past 3 weeks... All of August has been nothing but rain on and off. Then the stock market is fucked- I know nothing about stock markets except I know when it isn't working too well. Now there is a hurricane coming that is hitting all of the east coast... none of these states are used to this type of weather. There are wars going on and raging people all over the world. In Philadelphia there were a band of retarded teenager kids going around beating random strangers up on the street. So now there is a curfew. London, there are riots of the sort. People are angry and freaked out and feel that they deserve more. Next will be a horrible outbreak of some virus or chemical weapon and people are going to get scared and freak out. I'm not the type to panic, but I am one to notice when other people are freaking out. What is this world coming to? nobody has a job STILL, our government has no money and is in debt, things are just getting worse. It's a sign. That we as a nation, we as humans, we as a planet SUCK, and are fucking up our values, countries, environment, and co-inhabitants. I have been feeling a little dead in the brain lately. I can't help it. I have nothing to be excited about.... except for my son learning to walk and when he laughs. He is my only joy in this world. I love him more then anything in the world... and I'm afraid that I have brought him to a place that will soon be hell. I have an instinct to protect my family, but I doubt there is anything I can do to stop the world from sucking.

Even the small things suck. Like for instance our ceiling is caving in from all the rain that we are having. We called the roofing guys to come and they did... (5 hours late) and did an assessment. They told us that they would be back at 8:30 am the next morning to start the job. Not only did they not show up, but they wont even return our phone calls. Meanwhile it is pouring again and instead of being worry free about the ceiling, we just have to watch it cave in more. This is what I mean by people SUCKING. Nobody does a good job anymore. Another example is today I thought I would look on Pets finder for a dog that might be nice to adopt for our son. I was really just looking... I don't think I'm ready for a dog just yet. Anyway, I find these urgent listings of dogs that are going to be gassed in the next 24 hours if they don't find someone to foster them. There isn't anything wrong with these dogs.... well that's a lie, actually there was one dog with tumors all over it, and the other dog had something wrong with its eyelids. The owners just dump them in front of the gassing house to die. People are so un responsible I can't stand it! People are so unloving. I hate it all... it makes me so angry, how people SUCK. I have noticed that people have become ruder at work too.... people that are supposed to be helping you... don't. Or I have noticed that people are almost shocked when I say a simple please or thank you and make eye contact. Simple life skills.... I have noticed to be gone from the American people. Instead I see fat, sweaty pigs walking around soaking up the atmosphere doing nothing to contribute to society, or humanity. They are just giant lumps of nothing- they take take take.... never give, or add, or help.. I think these types of people should be dumped off at a shelter to sit in cages seeing if someone might want to adopt them... most likely no. Oh well... they were useless to this earth anyway.

Maybe this is why teenagers riot. I mean look at all the angry things I am saying... look at the hate I have. I don't know if teenagers are that contrived however... I think they just do it because they are bored and their parents suck.

That's another good topic.... What is the deal with the kids today? Why are they so rude?! They have no manners towards their elders or their parents. Most of the kids that I have met are spoiled brats. They have been given everything they desire to shut them up, or to give them something to do. "Here Violet, I got you this game boy, ok now go play" Meanwhile Violet would have been just as happy to go to a theme park with her parents for the day. In fact I bet the memory would have lasted longer. I rarely meet a kid now-a days that is normal. If they are nice, then they are weird.... they are sexually weird... like boy's that act like girls, Girls that act like boys.... you know the emo sensitive types. Meanwhile, I am raising my son in all of this, and I'm scared.

I just want a farm!!! That's all.... some land. I want to grow a vegetable garden. I want a painting studio, or artist studio. I want large open pastures for my goats, horses, chickens, and cow to roam. I want a little bit of forest for my boy to run and play in. I want there to be a stream nearby for tubing, or canoeing. I don't want to be able to see my neighbor. Speaking of neighbors... that's another thing that sucks. Our neighbors are so Politically Correct. Harry and Eileen are their names. They had 3 boys. Tommy, Billy, and Mikey. Notice how all three names have a "Y" on the end. So gay. Anyway, the boys have left the next and now it's just the two love birds alone in their perfect house, with their perfect yard, and their perfect stainless steal gas grill. Harry grills some amazing smelling steaks and the two love birds sit outside drinking wine and eating their well cooked means while chatting feverishly to each other. Did you hear that? What in hell are they talking about?? That's what I want to know. They have been married for like 20 something years, they work together, they have no other friends that I have ever seen. What in hell are they talking about?? I have been married for 2 years and have nothing to say to my husband, except "can you do this?" blah blah blah. Harry is weird. He is 6' something. Tall enough to see over the fence diving our yards. I am up early with the boy like 6:30ish... and by 7:30 I am outside smoking a cigarette and contemplating how the world is going to end when I see Harry walking up the back of his back yard... what is he doing?? Why is he up so early? Why does he always walk to his back yard? I know that they just got this composed pit.... oh it just dawned on me, maybe he is going to dump his breakfast in the compost bin.... duh.... either that or he wants to make sure that the dead bodies of his former friends aren't reeking havoc through the ground. So anyway, Harry is a strange bow- legged tall man that I am scared to death of. When I was a child I was pushing his retarded son Tommy (who is now the CEO of something fabulous) on the swing, I did an under dog, you know like when you run under the swing? and your supposed to hold onto the chains of the swing. Anyway, retarded Tommy let go and fell off the swing and got the wind knocked out of him... You have never seen Harry run so fast. He yelled at me to go home, picked up his wimpy son and carried indoors as if I had chopped his hand off! I have hated that man ever since. I am never going to forget that Harry you mean man.... think you can bully me around... well I think not, because now I'm writing about how weird you are on my blog. HA. and if you are reading this, thank you for the tomatoes from your garden the other day. They were nice.

Anyway, onto my other neighbor. Big Anne (Nana) Little Anne (The daughter) and Elizabeth Anne (the granddaughter) all living together in the same house... on and Betty the nurses Aid that cares for Nanna. Nana is like 100 something... but back when she was 80 or 90 she would wait for my mother to come home, go upstairs and turn on the light.... yeah that's right... Nana would wait... like a vulture. for my mom. My brother is scared shitless of Nana... that buzzard looking out her window the way she does... you don't have a chance. He stopped mowing the front lawn, because she would yell out her window to chop down a branch off that bush... or say hello to your mother type of thing... it was creepy. You can almost always see her silhouette in the window. The nest part is that she can see into our bathroom...So she no doubt has seen us all naked at some point. Ugh I don't even want to think of that. Her daughter little anne is a piece of work too. She once was my idle... but over the years I lost my love for her. She was a New Yorker that met this sceevy guy, married him, and had their daughter (with missing fingers and toes) . Steve was his name- he was a real piece of work. He beet Anne up when she was pregnant and never told her about this horrible birth defect that he carries.... the missing fingers and toes. Anyway, Anne had to leave him and rushed back to PA to live her mom. Nana. She has been her for almost 18 years now. My mother was very close to them at one point. They once came over for dinner parties and such... but then my rabbit got out and their dog killed it, and they just left a cold message on our machine to come get our rabbit... which was dead on their doorstep. fucked up I know. Ever since then my mom hasn't really talked to them that much. I even invited them to our wedding and they never came.

Neighbors are weird... and that's why I don't want them around. It could be worse... we could have neighbors from hell... with our you just have to watch what you say... watch what you do, I mean you cant go outside naked. Isn't that what life's about? You should be able to walk around naked on your own property.

Anyway, I'm totally rambling now.... I just get angry about everything. I even just got mad looking through the main line magazine... looking at these rich people sitting in their mansions, riding their horses, driving their nice cars, having dinner parties, and catered events.... must be nice.... or maybe no matter how much money you have, life isn't that great. Would love to live in the shoes of millionaire for a week.... just to see if I was in fact happier being poor or rich.

January 2011

Wow, what a year. I had my baby boy on November 4rth. I am now a mother and wife and about to turn 30 years old. Why did I think that this day would never come? I feel some what complete. Watts, my baby boy is a handful, He is sleeping sort of right now and so I have to type fast because he insists on being held non-stop. He only sleeps for 10-15 minutes at a time unless its bed time and then he sleeps for about 3 hours at time. Thank god for that. I feel guilty that I have some how started smoking again, like an asshole... and drinking. two things that I wanted to stop forever, but I feel that these two things make me feel sane in the head. I dont smoke a lot maybe one or two a day. but still I want one all the time. So bad... I feel so guilty. Another thing that sucks right now is that I am running out of money and need to pay school loans. What a hassle. I doubt I will be able to pay my bills next month and will have to ask my husband to help me with the bills... speakingof husband. he just left for nyc for 3 months. how much does that blow? It will be interesting to see how I get on with out him. Another big thing that has happened is that we have moved into my mothers house, and so now I have an amazing babysitter all the time. I'm so spoiled. It worries me that if I want to have another baby she wont be there to help and I wont be able to hand two children. She is going to Turks and Caicos in February to visit family for two weeks, and I will be on my own. I have a few options but in the end I will be in charge of the little one and will have to take care of him on my own... which is a daunting task to say the least. Im so used to handing him off to my mom in the morning so I can get cleaned up and clean up the house. I also am working about two days a week and so she takes care of him during that time. I cant work during those two weeks that she is gone and will lose a lot of money meant to pay back my loans... stressing non?

I'm feeling a wee bit french tonight. Sorry.

Anyway, I'm on my own no matter what for the next three weeks, and I hate nyc, so what do I do. My husband already misses me and wants me to come visit him in his nice apartment, but we both know that this is a bad idea seeing as he needs to study and concentrate on his work.

Oh I dont know. Things are great, I am the luckiest person in the world. My baby watts is so handsome and I love him death, and hes healthy and will be a brilliant little soldier one day... yet I have so many responsibilities that are constantly comromised. I knew this was going to happen, but I thought I could overlook the normal woman and get my cake and eat it too!

I still want a horse, I want to paint, I want to get a full time job that pays salary, and I want to have a large family. Which is these will be compromised? Oh and dont forget I want to look fabulous while doing all of these things effortlessly? I think I actually do look pretty nice recently... not to brag, but I do! My skin looks clear and glowing, and my body is shrinking up nicely, I have hips for the first time in my life and even though I dont fit into a single pair of old jeans I like the challange of loosing the weight healthily to do so. Women make child care soun dlike a full time job, to me its a part time job with a dash of work... but thats because I have a full time mid wife on stand-by. I love my mom... what would I do with out her... She does love to put on a great guilt trip.. but if you ignore that, I am living the life. But I suppose no matter what you give to me, nothing will be perfect. I am always looking for perfect. and nothing will ever be perfect. non?

Corny I know. Alright, the kid is asleep still!!! I'm going to go out for a few drags and few sips of wine and contemplate how my life can be even more perfect...

Ugly shit

Today is Ugly Old lady day here at the store. One woman just came in wearing these hideous glasses from the 80's. I wanted to pull them off her face and step on them. This is what Im talking about. What a terrible look! I remember when my mom used to wear old bag glasses and it just made her face look fat and flabby. Also, what is the deal with old women and their hair? Why does it never look shiny and healthy? It's always dried out and looks like pubescent hair. Its like straw and frizzes... and then its always hacked off and short. What is the deal with old women looking doughey. They have no muscle they have big round butts and a stomach pooch and bad teeth. I mean is this what happens after having children? I hope to god that I dont look like these train wrecks when I get old.What ever happened to old women having long grey hair in a nice braid down their back? I love the look of a sweet grey haired old lady that looks almost fragile with clear blue eyes that are almost glass like. I'm such a bitch I know- but I hate the women that are walking into this store today- they have no taste they are stupid and mindless and they are all getting on my last nerve. It's rare that I would find a woman that comes into this store that I do like right off the bat. I'm actually ashamed to be a woman- a once proud strong race... we are now these sped up drugged up mindless idiots driving gigantic SUV's at 80 miles an hour in a school zones and raising horrid selfish little booger eaters that turn out to be assholes when they get older because mommy and daddy got divorced at that critical age. Isnt life grand?

Horse Dreams

The weather is starting to shape up and the sun has an addictive warmth to it that wont let you stay indoors. Meanwhile I'm about 7 weeks pregnant and feel as though I have constant sea-sickness and bloat. I just want to have a horse right now. Almost every night for the past month I have been dreaming of Ashford Farm and riding beautiful horses over 6' fences and galloping up hills over fences and over rivers. I wake up with nothing but cramps, nausea, and hunger pains. I thought pregnancy would be a lot of fun but now that the weather is gorgeous all I want to do is trade the cost of a baby for a horse. Isnt that just awful? When I was at Tyler I was living the life. I painted all day and went riding in the afternoons in between classes. I bartended and took care of the horses at night, it was the perfect deal. I feel like crying... I'm so out of shape I'm longing to just get outside and bask in the sun.

Most of my friends ride horses... and it pisses me off to see that they are all riding their horses and hanging out at the barn. Mean while I'm at this dead end job feeling like shit and worrying about how this might be the biggest mistake of my life. Once this kid comes I wont be able to go riding for years. I'm mad that all of the money that I could be spending on my horse will be eaten up in diapers and food and clothes for this kid instead. Is it terrible that I would prefer a horse over a kid?

I do complain a lot.... I just hope that if I have a miscarriage it happens early enough that I can get to riding this summer... The only benefit right now of being pregnant is that I'm not showing yet, but my boobs have gone up a whole size... and I'm loving them. I think that if I lose this kid I will also get breast implants and a historectomy. What a perfect life... big boobs, no periods, and a farm/horse. That really is my dream.

I'm so disapointed with everything lately. I want to travel, and live someplace warm. Now I'm stuck in Pennsylvania for the next couple years... It makes me want to rip my hair out how this situation has changed everything I desire. I wish I wasnt so fucking old- this is what I get, I should have done all of this stuff years ago when I was 23 or 24. I should have gone to school in Italy, and traveled, I should have gotten a good job in another state and stayed there for a few years... I should have saved up my money to buy a horse someplace warm like Florida.... instead I sat here in stupid Philadelphia rotting my life away at a piece of shit school earning a piece of shit certificate that doesnt mean shit. I would totally go back in time and never go to Moore, I would work abroad with horses- who knows I could be in New Zealand right now galloping on the beach or something.

At least I'm married to a nice man that treats me well... I could have ended up getting knocked up by some bad ass boyfriend that treated me like shit, or even worse, I could have been raped while walking home one night and beaten to a pulp... at least that didnt happen. I guess I should feel lucky that I am surrounded by good friends and family... my life could suck so much more.... this weather is driving my crazy.

February 2010

One day about a month ago I woke up and decided that I never wanted to buy cigarettes again. This happened on January 25, 2010. It was quite easy to quit, I didnt really have cravings, and if I did I would just use my E-cigarette to get rid of anger or frustration.

I then decided that I was going to start excercising and getting healthy again since I was feeling like crap all the time. I thought maybe it's because I look terrible and feel terrible. I was having major issues with drinking... I was blacking out and throwing child like tantrums after the black out took affect. I have never forgotten events while drinking, so I figured this might have been caused by the nicotine withdraw... and I felt as though it was best to just quit drinking too while I was in agony. Then on top of that I quit drinking coffee- well actually that's not entirely true. I drink a cup every other morning to help me go number two...

Anyway to make a long story short. It turns out I'm pregnant. I have no idea how far along I am, but it's pretty exciting. It explains why I have been so bloated, and feeling like crap. I think I'm 6 or 7 weeks along. My last period was on December 28th 2009. I took a test on February 9th but it turned out negative... I was 45 days late. Then I took another test two weeks later on Feb 22nd and both tests said positive. It's all very strange. Why would the first test say negative if I was a week late? I figured it might have been due to drinking a ton the night before... (sorry baby). So according to a pregnancy calculator I would be 7 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

At the moment I weigh 117 lbs and my boobs hurt more and more every day. I have a doctors appointment on Monday at 1:00 to confirm the pregnancy.. and then I guess I need to find a real ObGyn. I guess the only concern I have at this time is that for the last week I have been having cramps, very small cramps but they feel as though I will be gettin gmy period anytime... which would be bad. Apparently this is normal... but I'm not sure if it is at this time. It's all pretty exciting, even though we don't have any money and I can barely take care of my school loans as it is... but, I'm sure we will figure out a way to handle all of that. I mean I only have 119,974.85 more to pay in loans. I owe citibank 29,796.78 dollars, Sallie mae is 61,036.78 and AES is is 29, 141. 29.

I'm wondering if Citibank and AEs are the same? Whatever... the payments are huge. my paycheck just barely covers the loans every month... so once the kid is born we will either have to move in with my mom or the hubster will have to take over the rent and pay for allthe baby supplies while I use all of my income to pay off just my loan. That is my ultimate dream. I'm losing so much of my money by paying half the rent. Ugh. I guess I'm better off then most of my friends, I just found out the other day that my one friend doesnt pay any of her bills, she collects collection notices as if they are trophies... incredible that is to me... Iwouldnt be able to sleep at night over that. I mean I want really great credit, because I want to be able to buy my dream car and house one day. Imagine seeing your dream and not able to get it because you didnt pay some stupid bills when you were a kid?

I dont know. I think everything will be fine. I already have three kids named Citi, SAllie, and AES what's the difference if I just add another one to the litter.

February 2010So

Finally I am starting to feel a little bit like myself again. Why is it that you need to hit rock bottom before you start to climb out? It took only one week to make me feel slightly better. On January 26 luke and I decided that we were not going to buy a pack a cigarettes. It worked, pretty much we have gone a whole week quitting cold turkey with the help of an e-cigg which helps get over the cravings. It has been a week and I feel a little better, I have more energy, I find that I'm getting more chores done and not sitting on the sofa as much. To add to this I have decided that I will stop drinking alcohol. I mean it's fine in a social setting but I was pretty much pounding a bottle of wine by myself. Not cool.

I decided I was going to go to New York City to visit my friend Claire, and then go meet up with my boss the following day to do some buying for the store. I had the best time of my life. My anxiety was half of what it once was taking the train and the subways. I had a ton more confidence, which means maybe I will be ready to drive into New York City soon, or perhaps I could live near it and commute and get a job there. Claire took me to a silk acrobatics class. Iw as the only one there so I got a private lesson. I really enjoyed doing something different, and it was a good stretch and didnt kill my body. I liked having girl time with real friends. Tomorrow is my day off and I made plans to go skiing with an old friend- however, I feel bad because the hubby has most of the day off and he really wants to go skiing with me. I'm thinking that I would just go on Wednesday and get some fast good skiing in and then maybe on Saturday I will go with the hubs. He is actually more fun to go skiing with, but he tries to do these tricks and falls a lot, and it just wastes time, I spend most of the time waiting for him to trek half way up the mountain to get his ski. Which is fine if it's sunny and nice out, but not so much fun if its windy and freezing cold the minute you stop.

I actually dont really feel like going skiing, but just like going to NEw York I had a blast once Im on my way. It is also a good bonding thing, and it gets me out and about.

Another thing I want to try out and get into is this hot yoga. I'm not very good at getting into new things, but I have heard that this type of yoga is really invigorating. I need to find someone to go with me for the first class. It's super cheap too! I was thinking of having my friend Lala go with me, however she goes to another yoga studio, and when I looked it up I thought it was a giant rip off and it sucked. The best person to go with me would be my hubs but he is hesitant to try it- and I have just given up on trying to get him to go with me, it's always an excuse with him. I really dont need that in my life at the moment. I want someone that drags me to these types of classes like what claire did with me. I wish Claire lived here, she would totally go with me to a class like that. She is always open minded and will try just about anything and isnt shy in the slightest. That is the sort of person I strive to be- however when your around a bunch of people that say they will do it later, or will go with you one time, or say they will "think about it" it's a huge turn off to the person.

I feel that once I get back into my healthy routine, find a class that I like, and get back to pampering myself I will start finding success all around me. I need to be more selfish, and stop waiting for people to help me with things, or to hold my hand. I need to just Do it. I need a yoga mat.... I definitely do not want to rent a mat from this place.

Tonight the hubs doesnt get home till 8 ish which will give me time to try out my new billy blass tae bo videos. I'm going to go food shopping first, and then eat, wait about a half hour then do the work out video, and then do some yoga... sounds like fun.

I felt a lot better mentally when I was single because I was always doing something, I never sat on a sofa, I never sat and watched a movie, I barely slept, I always out and doing something- where did that energy go? I turned into a sofa turd over night. Enough of that shit, I dont give a shit about anything but me for now on. If the hubs wants to follow me to victory then he can... if he wants to get dragged throught he mudd then let him, if he wants to get left in the dust then so be it. I'm not waiting around any longer, I'm going to grow some fucking wings and fly out of this shit hole. I am DONE with feeling like a P.O.S all the time. It's time for me to stop blaming people, and blame myself for not doing this sooner.

This will be my february... I'm, going to have a new job by March, I'm going to be 5 pounds heavier with muscle, my back and neck will no longer hurt, I will have found a new friend to hang out with once a week, and I will go traveling to another city once every 3 months to visit someone new. I will also have a better attitude and wont have time for negative people in my life, I will take hikes and go running for fun, I wont get discouraged when no-one comes with me, I will just go myself and have a better time for it.

Yup.

The World is quite large

Last night I was invited to watch some little documentary show with my husband on the computer. It's basically these young kids going around the world and documenting things like drugs in other countries, wars, pollution, government stuff... etc. etc... all to bring awareness...

I'm at that age where everything sucks, I feel that I know everything, and I don't really care about that of which I dont know... It's really hard to explain how I feel, but I seem to have just stumbled onto a library for the first time, I feel as though I can see for the first time, I feel as though my mind has opened a crack... just a small crack and now my interest level has been blown out of the water, just by watching a few hours of documentaries.

I have been doing research all day on "the worst places to live in the world".... and to no surprise I have never heard of most of these places...

This also stems off of the Haiti Earthquake. The only reason I was aware of Haiti before the earthquake was because my childhood friend Claire lived there for a few months trying to find a way to get clean water in... which of course never happened. Now with this earthquake the world knows about how shitty the conditions are in Haiti..and are pouring money into it, as if it were a church....the best part about this "global aide" is that they have never dealt with this much handout before, and arent handling the finances well...nothing like giving millions of dollars to a corrupt government, that was destroyed in the quake.... but at least they arent at war... AND... they arent living in a radiation dump zone. Apparently, there are many worse places to live...

What is wrong with the world? I think the answer is "the human" humans are greedy little mongral waste dumpers that shit on anything that is good in life... they try to trump nature by taking something that is un- natural and making it into something more powerful or useful then what nature can give... then wonder why it kills off nature in the end...

Im a forgiving person... but what goes around comes around. If you make a nuclear plant and it explodes, your fucked. You have now endangered millions of people and have ruined the environment, and a giant plot of land that could be used for living, but is now isolated because of this.

Why build this then? Can we survive without it? Well I think the answer is "yes" to almost anything that has created harm in the world, because obviously we got this far before it existed.

Why are humans so crazy on evolving technology? We never needed computers, or cell phones in the past.. and in fact I think we were better off without them. Back when TV, phones, radio, computers, and so on existed our children would play outside, parents worked as a team, and people weren't lazy fat rude and ignorant assholes.

Then you have countries that dont have any of these things.. poor countries... and why are they poor? Because some asshole was trusted to run the people and shit on them. Greed is also a huge problem in the world. I think 9 out of 10 people in the world should be classified as incredibly BAD people.

There is so much going through my head.... I'm not surprised that the biggest movie doing well in the box office is avatar... even then I'm sure people will keep on destroying nature, destroy whole towns, communities, and countries with pollution, radiation, and corrupt government systems...

The worst part is that on some of these lists of "the best places to live" the top three are Canada and the United States... and I have seen both, and wasnt very impressed.

It's like climbing to the top of the mountain and all you get is fog, no view, no sense of accomplishment, but you know your at the top. Where is the satisfaction in that?

Then I can only help but think as I watch these documentaries of kids playing in garbage, kids smoking heroin, women making a living being whores, beggers cutting themselves on purpose for sympathy, etc.... WHY would they rather live? I know if you placed me in any of those situations I would kill myself, how does one person keep living a life of hell? It blows my mind... I know that if you beat a dog badly enough it will eventually run away... if a dog can do it, why is the human factor to just put up with it? I realize they dont have the income or the brains to move, so then... I think I would rather be dead.

Most people are dumb. Way too many humans are evil creatures...

and I still believe that the innocent beauty of nature, the love and respect of another human, and love for animals are all that are worth living for. If I didnt have these three things, I would be in hell...( or some of these places) ....

Pollution: Urumqi, China

Once a Silk Road hub, the western Chinese city of Urumqi has the bad luck to be downstream of sulphurous soil dust from nearby agricultural areas, as well as deadly industrial pollutants. China's environmental scientists say it now outranks Linfen, previously named as the world's most polluted city.

Corruption: Somalia

Declared a failed state, Somalia is so violent that millions have fled their homes. But it is also at the bottom of an annual global corruption index by Transparency International, which points out that in desperately poor countries, bribery and extortion can be life and death issues if people are forced to pay extra for basic necessities.

Dictatorship: North Korea

Kim Jong-il, North Korea's ailing ruler, was named the world's worst dictator of 2008 on Parademagazine's annual list.

It says he runs the most isolated, repressive regime in the world, where three generations of a family can be punished for one member's alleged crime. About 200,000 citizens have been jailed, many tortured.

Personal security: Iraq

In spite of the much-praised "surge" of American troops, and a diminished death rate in the past year, Iraq ranks lowest on the Global Peace Index's scale as a country with easy access to weapons, a high murder rate, poorly functioning government, low respect for human rights and political instability.

Homicide rate: El Salvador

Latin America has the highest murder rate in the world for young adults, 15-24. But El Salvador tops the list of the world's most dangerous countries for the young – and has one of the highest murder rates for people of all ages, according to the Latin American Technological Information Network.

Inflation: Zimbabwe

When inflation in the southern African nation shot above 1 million per cent in the past year, worldwide cries went up for President Robert Mugabe's resignation. Now Zimbabweans carry sacks of newly printed cash to pay for a loaf of bread, and those with jobs choose between lunch and a bus ride to work. Mugabe is still in power.

Gender gap: Yemen

Greater equality between the sexes means better health, living standard and lifespan for women. The reverse is true in Yemen, where, the World Economic Forum says, lack of education, poor health care, lack of job opportunity and inability to press for change through the political process put women at risk.

Life expectancy: Swaziland

Afflicted with dire poverty and the world's highest HIV infection rate, the tiny southern African kingdom of 1 million has a shockingly low life expectancy of 32 – less than half the world's average. The royal family has a monopoly on the economy, and the majority of Swaziland's people live on about $1 a day.

Literacy: Mali

The large, landlocked West African country was, ironically, one of the world's centres of Islamic scholarship, and is believed to have founded the first university. Now, fewer than 23 per cent of men and women can read and write, according to the UN Development Program, which rates it at the bottom of the global literacy scale.

Freedom of speech: Eritrea

Since the government banned all privately owned media in 2001, things have grown steadily worse for journalists, with crackdowns on media, arrests, reports of torture, disappearances and deaths in custody. "President Issaias Afeworki and his small clan of paranoid nationalists continue to run the country like a vast open prison," says Reporters Without Borders.