A Great Day in Two Years.

This weekend the hubster and I went to a wedding in West Chester. Since, the hubster and I have not been on a formal date in over two years we decided to get very fancy. I had my nails done, and then went to get my hair professionally styled. I felt like Audrey Hepburn. I had my hair done in a classic french twist, and with my large sunglasses and cocktail dress I felt like I walked right out of the 60's.

We had a great time. I was able to hold a conversation with adults, I drank beer before 7 pm, and mingled with new people. I sat down at a table with a table cloth and was able to eat my food slowly with a knife and fork. I even danced.

It was a 12 hour vacation, and it was amazing. I am so burnt out... that something that normal young people do every weekend feels as romantic as my honeymoon.

My mom took care of my boys while we enjoyed a little sanity. We slept over her house, and when I woke up in the morning I found my mother on the sofa with Watts my two year... he was lounging on the sofa watching the TV with a bottle hanging out of his mouth, my mom could barely move and managed to croak out that my son had woke up at 3 am with enough energy to last the whole day.

She was absolutely drained.

There was an article in the New York Times about childless couples. It's becoming all the rage. Kids... are exhausting. They are like puppies that never grow up into that perfect dog. It never ends. I suppose it's different for those parents that dump their kids off at day care, or have a nanny. That would be nice... but then what was the point of having kids? The article was about couples not having children...  are happier without kids.

Looking like a lady that just walked out of a movie from the 60's I strolled hand in hand with my husband down some beautiful streets in West Chester, the weather was perfect... a little old lady came hobbling towards us, stopped, and said "You look beautiful, you both look beautiful" My first thought was, Oh good I don't look like a slut.

If only she knew that just a few hours earlier, I was covered in chewed banana, changing two diapers at the same time, running around trying to feed my chickens, horses and cat, and loading up my truck with a stock pile of juice, milk, crackers, clothes, cribs, and electronics.... getting out of the driveway was a challenge that would dwindle the energy out of a 20 year old athlete.

The old lady didn't know that... and at that moment I had forgotten it all... was swept up in the romance of looking beautiful, feeling fresh, and strolling casually with not a care in the world with my partner in life. It was the best vacation I have ever taken, even if it was only for a few short hours. Times Magazine... some days I agree, somedays I don't.

Inching closer to my dreams

I finally have it, after all these years... my amazing hubster went out and traded in our Acura for a brand new double cab Toyota Tacoma. The first thing I did was drive it directly to the feed store and stock up the bed with hay and straw. Next on the list is lumber, gravel, sand, and then.... drum roll.... a horse trailer.

We have lots to do on the homestead. First on my list of chores is to take the run in shed with terrible muddy footing, and fill the ground with a good foot of gravel and place some rubber mats on top. This will help keep my horses feet dry, and they will have a nice dry place to lay down and take a nap.

This truck has opened so many doors. It will also help my mom out with the big move.

Anyway, I'm thrilled with the truck, even if it's not a 3/4 ton, V8 engine. This would give me more confidence to pull a horse trailer, but seeing as we won't be towing the trailer over mountains or huge hills, it will be fine for short journeys.

Happy First Birthday James

James with his Granny, she is the only one that can really make him laugh hard. 

One year ago today.... was ummm..... interesting. It was hot, I was very pregnant, and I had one more week to go before being due. I was swollen, and would cry from the heat. My hands and wrists were too big to even hold my watch or rings. I was done, and wanted this monster out.

It was around 6pm. I made pork chops, rice and creamed spinach for dinner. I was feeling fine. I started to get cramps and asked to go take Watts for a walk around the neighborhood as we did every night to help me get my exercise. I remember thinking... I think this is it... I think I'm starting labor, I have time... I want to wait as long as possible to go to the hospital.

We started down the driveway, and we were half way around the block, I had to keep stopping every 5 minutes to breath... it was starting to get intense. I waddled through it. By the time we were rounding the corner to come down the hill I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes. I remember gimping up the steps to the porch and my mom was outside... "I'm in labor, it's bad" My mom being a midwife told me to lay down. She felt my belly, and nodded... "yeah your in labor"

I went to the bathroom and then took a shower... I had trouble getting dressed and had to get on all fours and breath. I laid on the bed and mom checked me again. She looked at the hubster and told him I had to go to the hospital. I didn't want to go, I thought I had time. They were every two minutes and coming strong. I didn't even have my bag packed. The hubster frantically went around grabbing things and shoving them in a bag as I hummed and whined through the pain.

I waddled into the car at 8:30pm , my mom looked nervous. In the car I could barely sit, I would hit the roof every minute or so and whine out loud. Luke drove through a red light... and then I barely got into the hospital ward. The woman looked annoyed at me as we signed in, she just told me to go in... I had to stop every thirty feet... tears welling up in my eyes. The nurses sat looking at me as if I were nuts as I stopped and braced the wall.... four more steps, stop brace... four more steps. The hubster came dashing up to help me walk.

The nurses had me follow them to the room but then there were screams and cops and nurses yelling for a family member to leave... a fight had broken out in one of the rooms that I was waddling past. "Wha-wha-what is going on in there?" The young nurse just told me that a family member became unruly. Well, that's nice... welcome to the world little baby, this was not a friendly environment to give birth.

I changed into my gown as the nurses tried to take my stats... "get up on the bed" "no... I can't I don't want to, too much pain" They insisted... and a young nurse came over to check to see how much I was dilated and just as she did my water broke, and then the earth moved....

I was 8 cm... and was in a terrible amount of pain. The screams came every minute... so loud, that I was apologizing every break to the nurses that looked worried. It sounded as if someone had cut my fingers off and the pain was equal to that. I found some pillows and muted my screams... sweating, crying, screaming, scared.... There was no time for drugs... this baby was coming fast. A random man came in and coldly told at me to flip over... as I flipped I could feel the head hanging out. He told me to push, and then I was holding James. I felt much better. I could have ran a marathon and felt like doing so. The endorphine rush was amazing. I felt amazing. It was worth it to do it natural.

I delivered at 8:56pm.

For the next two days I sat with my healthy new baby boy... bonding with him... He slept for the next two weeks straight. Slept so hard that we had to wake him up just to eat. Such a little munchkin.

Now a year later my baby is a toddler going on a man. He often walks over to me for me to pick him up, tiny little arms held up in the air. He wraps his legs around me tight and rests him head on my shoulder quietly saying... "daddad da, nam nam nam" He is such a little cuddle. He then gives out a sigh throws his head back grabs my ears as hard as he can and covers most of my nose and mouth with his mouth.... slobber, teeth, tongue.... that's his way of giving a kiss, and then the head goes back to the hug position.

He loves to play with Watts, and watches everything he does. He loves to climb up on the sofa and look out the window. He loves the horses and cat. Raven my pony is very curious by James and will often come up and let him stick his hands in her nose and give her slobber kisses to her face. It's as if Raven knows that this is my baby. James has no fear... and often if the vacuum is going will try to surf on it.

He loves food, but will not let you feed him. Everything needs to be placed in his hand so he can feed himself. He is such a messy eater that I take his clothes off, and when finished I unlatch his diaper and place him directly into the sink and hose him down. He is the messiest baby I have ever known. He loves to eat paper, and will often try to eat toilet paper. He loves the toilet, especially if the water is yellow, like flash lightning he plunges his fists into the bowl and splashes it around. It infuriates me. Especially since I'm trying to get Watts toilet trained.

When I go shopping I often have James in the shopping cart. With out fail there will always be some stranger talking to him, or commenting on how "that is one happy baby!" he always smiles at strangers, and will always raise his arms up to them to allow them to hold him. He loves people.

Every morning at 9am he starts to become very cranky. He starts to rub his eyes and follows me around crying until I give him a bottle of milk and put him down for his nap. He normally sleeps till 11am, and then has his snack. When he does cry it is bad. He has a deafening shrill high pitched annoying cry that makes me want to kill kittens. Yet, the only thing I have to do is pick him up and he will stop. Yet, good luck putting him down, the scream will get worse. I normally have to distract him with food, which in most cases he looks at me as if I'm nuts, screams in my face and violently throws the food on the ground hard looking at me with hate till I find what he wants.

He loves water, he just started to go to his granddads pool. He naturally paddles his arms and legs and blows bubbles in the water. He has no fear of the water, and needs to be watched at all times. He dive bombs into the water, with no fear. He can be dunked under the water, and with a few small coughs he comes up with a big smile.

I wish he could get a job destroying things and making a mess so he could pay his way. He is a walking wrecking ball... but he's my wrecking ball and he is such a little love. He's my little cherub. He refuses to say mama, even though I know he can. We often have arguments. He screams at me "DADA!" and I scream back "MAMA" he chuckles and says it again. He knows, my name isn't dada. Yet today... he looked at me and said it... "mama". He wasn't feeling so good this morning, a small fever, and sore bottom.... he has been growing some more bottom teeth. As I carried him to his crib he rested his hot little head against my shoulder and quietly murmured...."mama mama" and gave me a squeeze. That made my dad and was the best present I could have on a day that dam near almost killed me a year ago.
My little James... happy birthday! It's been a whirlwind of a year. You were worth every tear, every scream, and all the pain during my ten months of carrying you.

Love,
Mommy

Adapting to Change

A strange boy, my older brother, Lisa the dog, me as a baby with mom and dad sitting on the back steps of the house I grew up in. 

Change.... I have learned to embrace it, instead of fighting or fearing it. Through my 32 years of life I have met a lot of people that freak out when it comes to a big change in their life. It's not easy to go from something comfortable to something unknown.

I always give the advice that change can be EXCITING, it will most likely be better, and in the end the choice was a good decision.

My mom has sold her house.

 I loved this house, I grew up in it and have seen it change throughout the years. I never thought we would ever sell it. I thought for a while that I would eventually end up with it, raising my kids in it.... yet, it turned out to be too expensive, too big, and needed too many repairs which we couldn't afford.

A family looked at this house, contacted a real estate agent that sold our neighbors house, and she got in touch with my mother. They wanted to look at it, even though it wasn't on the market. My mom said sure why not, and soon things took off, and now the house will belong to a beautiful young family with four children. It is for the best.

Currently, my mom is living there all by herself. The lawn needs to be mowed, hedges need to be trimmed, the basement floods every time it rains, and there are bugs called cave crickets the size of large cock roaches that terrify my mother.

This happened very fast, and I think my mom was in denial for a while... saying "I don't have to sell it, what if I just say 'no'".

Soon "no" was no longer an option. She has to be completely moved out by August 30th. Forty years of furniture and memories are sitting in this house, with no place to go except either my house or storage or the trash. It's a lot for my 74 year old mother to handle all by herself. She has trouble sleeping, and has lost a lot of weight.

The plan is for her to move into our third floor bedroom till she can find a house to rent. In the meantime she plans on going to the islands to visit her brother, and England to see her family. It gives her absolute freedom to go wherever she wants without having to worry about a house, or bills, or animals...I envy her. Talk about retirement. The sky is the limit for her now, she can do whatever she wants with a purse full of money, and not a care in the world. I just want her to be happy, and to have a really fulfilling life from now on.

The house as much as I love it was a huge burden. Houses suck to take care and cause nothing but grief and stress. Especially old, large homes located in nice neighborhoods that put pressure on you to have a brand new driveway and professionally manicured lawn.

So this is the change. I am sad, happy, excited, stressed, and anxious about the move.

In the years that I lived in that house it went through a huge amount of change. We added a back porch, a deck, a pond, put up a 50' ham radio tower, took down a 50' ham radio tower (thank god), added a garage door, painted the exterior, and painted every wall inside the house. I learned to ride my first bike in the driveway, I built the pond in the back yard when I was 13. I even took sharpie marker and drew up and down the hallway walls when I was around 4. I have participated in lots of parties, and even passed out on the front lawn. I watched a kid try to drown himself in my pond because I wouldn't be his girlfriend. Meanwhile there were other kids peeing in the same pond. There are at least 20 animals buried in the backyard, everything from a budgie to a dog.

We even have a wall that shows my nephew growing up, and right next to it is my son's measurements. If these walls could talk they would have a lot to say. My mom can tell the stories best. It has been a wonderful home to me, and my family. Yet... its time. It's time for a change, and I will always have the memories, and the stories...

Embrace Change, I know that my mom won't regret selling the house. I know she will be much happier in the following years. The house did it's job and now it will get to restart history with a new family.

Kids these days....

I was at the park yesterday with Watts my 2 1/2 yr old... we were the only ones there for a while, and I was forced to play with him on the slides... I started to wish for him to have a playmate... and my wish came true.

J.T the three year old showed up with his grandmother, and of course Watts looked at this boy as if he were a cat, and went off to play by himself... his social skills towards other children is weird... yet the hubster stated that if Watts made best friends with every kid he met, that would make him weird. I guess....

So I talked to the grandmother who was awesome. I immediately liked her. She told me that she had four kids... all within three years of each other. I immediately respected this lady and was like, "how in hell did you do it?" I wanted to know her secret to still being alive, and looking so great. She laughed and was like, "it was different back then, much easier to raise children" she had her first son in 1967. She told me the pressures today are much greater, and for some reason the stress of raising children is way harder then it was back then.

This really got me to thinking about why that might be... my first answer was.... cars, transportation...these stupid car seats are nightmares. They take up the whole back seat, they come with a harness that is capable of strapping a ferrett in, without it being able to move an inch.... AND, they take up so much space that you have to drive with your seat in the front so close to the dashboard that your knees touch the steering wheel. Taking a road trip equals big time nightmare.

Nothing like the sound of a frustrated, hungry, squirmy baby and toddler in the backseat screaming bloody murder.... because they want to move an inch, or sleep laying down... back in the day my mom would throw the kids in the back on a makeshift mattress and off she went for an 8 hour easy drive... stress free with happy slumbering children sleeping in the back. Sounds like a dream.

The grandma at the park spoke fondly of how she had a VW Bug and she would drive with her baby in the front seat on her lap. Can you imagine?

I wish I could just open the door throw the brats in the back seat and take off to do some grocery shopping. Instead its an ordeal.... and a stress, and by the time I sit in the drivers seat I am a cranky bitch of a mess that wants to die.

I liked this lady.... for some reason just her saying that raising kids today ain't easy made me feel like I wasn't totally insane for hating my life. Kids used to play outside on the street till it got dark.... now they are inside in airconditioning playing with my phone for hours, watching TV.... they WONT LEAVE!, and if they did... they would be kidnapped, or hit by a reckless driver on their phone, or wouldn't find another kid to play with....

My ex-boss told a story once that she was left in the car by her mother... her mom went into a store for a brief second and a strange man hopped in the car and moved it with Susan in the backseat. Susan was scared shitless.... the man got out, and told her that he needed to move the car because her mom parked in the way of his car. Can you imagine? First off.... I could never leave my kids in the car.... it would be child abuse. Next, I would never leave the keys in my car, it would automatically lock itself with the kids in the car... (happened, true story) or someone would steal my car.... AND nobody in their right mind would ever just hop into a car with some kids and move the car.... instead they would sit there and beep or aggressively start screaming...

Its a much different time...

My mom and dad signed my brothers up to go on a camping trip with a man named "Grandma Joe" This man.... would take several boys in the neighborhood camping. Turns out years later the guy was ousted for being a child molester. Thankfully my brothers stank too much to be molested, so they said. When I heard this, I thought my parents were retarded. They assured me that the whole neighborhood did it... it was fine, the man was nice and had a great references from the other parents. THE MAN WAS NICE? A man could never take several children on a camping trip now a days... it would be creepy. Especially if his name was grandma Joe.

It's a MUCH DIFFERENT TIME....

Anyway, life sucks now. That lady got me thinking is all... I really enjoy stories of the 50's-80's.... Something happened to America... people became untrustworthy, paranoid, and pussies.... so many safety regulations, so many creepy people that can't be trusted.... people are nuts.

I think TV, Internet, has helped the world realize what humans are capable of. It was better when we were in the dark. Communication was slower, and people were not in the know. Now the fun and freedom is gone, and it makes it very hard for our kids to be kids, or for us adults to enjoy them. Too many rules and guidelines have ruined parenting.  I mean look at the AIDS virus... people used to have sex... with many people unprotected...and not think twice... even sex has been ruined. Life sucks.

Nuff said.

Water- is taken for granted.

 I saw on the news this morning that there is a whole town without water. A 50' water main broke, and the only way to fix it was to shut off the main supply to thousands of people. They went around interviewing the people that will be affected. They will be without water for a few days up to a week.

People that work in restaurants will have no work, and go a week without pay... businesses are losing a ton of money. People were filling up their bathtubs and pots.... bottles of water are sold out.

Now how does this all work? How will people use toilets? How will babies get water for their formula. If they had livestock, what will the animals drink? A Civil Engineer came on to say that people should think about the pipes underground, they wont last forever and will all need to be replaced, and soon we should all be ready for this to happen at one point or another. It is considered to be as bad as a natural disaster.

I think it's really pathetic that we have set ourselves up to rely so heavily on water supply presented to us in this way. I thought about what we would do if this happened to us here on the homestead. I think we would be fine, seeing as we live with a large creek the size of a lake in our backyard. I would just need to figure out how to filter it for drinking and transporting it without the use of electricity.

My brother owns a cabin up in the Adirondacks that has no running water or electricity. It takes some time to get used to not turning the taps for the sink, or flicking the light switch. It takes about two days to acclimate to the loss of luxuries. We have a large plastic 10 gallon tank that we fill up with water, and then we get a few gallons of drinking water bottles that we put over the sink. When it rains we put pots of water outside to collect water and use it to wash dishes. There is also a natural stream that forms at the bottom of the hill after it rains that I personally go and bath in, with all natural soap. It soon becomes second nature. We use too much water, and once it's taken from you it's amazing how you can make one gallon last a whole day for bathing, cooking, drinking, and washing.

Anyway, when it comes to this stuff, it almost brings me some sort of sick solace that I will be just fine when this happens. I have done it with ease.... I can live without water supply and electricity. I can even build a fire with wet wood, I can climb a mountain with a good 50 pounds on my back, I can build a waterproof and windproof hut out of sticks and rocks, I can even rock climb, even though I hate it with a passion. These skills were all learned in the Adirondacks over the summers. I think it's important to live like this for a week so it isn't a shock to the system, when say all of a sudden a water main breaks.

I really hope my boys grow up to be rugged mountain men that can tough it out and fight a bull if they need to. I love camping, I'm sure it's not fun when it becomes permanent, but I'm ready for the challenge.

House warming party/ Garden Party.

That was dress number two that was hanging up, so hot and sticky.

This weekend we had our House warming party. We have lived here for a year.... time flies. It rained on and off for most of the day and was really sticky and humid. I was happy to see so many came. I wasn't surprised to see that most of my "friends" that said they were coming didn't show up.

 It was a nice day anyway, and I ended up really noticing which people in my life matter. All of the hubsters family came, and then all of my family came except my brother who never answered his phone when the rest of the family went to pick him up. What a disappointment that was. It's pretty typical of him... he likes to stay away from large gatherings with humans. But still... what a douche bag.  I should probrobly call him to make sure he's not dead in his apartment before going off on a rant. So, he's off the hook for now....

My other brother played the guitar that my dad brought, and that was nice. The food was a huge hit, almost all of it went. All of the wine and beer went. I thought for sure I had gone overboard when planning for his party, but it turned out to be the perfect amount.

We let Watts stay up to watch the fireworks that were going to happen over the lake. I didn't know what to expect. We had front row seats. It was incredible. They were huge, it didn't rain, and Watts cried through the whole thing, refused to look at the fireworks, and kept asking me to take him inside. Which was annoying because I wanted to watch the fireworks. Thankfully Brad who is a God sent with children offered to take him inside for me. When I asked Watts if he had fun playing with his friends, he spoke of Brad being the best as well as Granny. Brad is in his mid 20's, and was really patient with Watts. Luke and I often become frustrated with people because they watch Watts or James for 5 minutes and then come back without our kids... and dump them onto other people. Brad played with watts for almost the whole party. I tried to hire him as my manny, but he said he already had a job.

I even gave out a few bareback pony rides in extreme mud, and let everyone pet my chicken. How many parties have that going on?

Anyway, it helped distract me from my problems and rebooted my system. I was surrounded by people that loved us as a family, and made feel truly blessed to have good people in my life. On Sunday I cancelled my facebook account and am already feeling the benefits of it. I feel protected, less exposed, and safe from people. The only downside of leaving facebook is it was the only window I had to my family members in England. It was a fast way of letting my mom know what her nieces and nephews were up to, or a good heads ups that a birthday was coming, or a new person was born... etc.

I have chosen a few new people in the area to really focus my attention to... I'm not great at having a lot of friends, and I like to have just a few close friends, and I think I found two girls that I really get along with well, and seem to be good people. So... family, friends, health will bring happiness.

As for health, I'm trying to stay away from alcohol, and cigarettes. I don't even care about the health risks of cigarettes, I'm more concerned that they cost almost $6-$9 a pack now. Which is insane. It's a complete rip off, and I rather put that money towards my horses. So I'm feeling a little better, and that is saying a lot seeing as it is Monday... and Mondays are always the worst. Also, I'm happy to say that I can eat ehatever I want right now... due to the stress of losing work, I have dropped down to 108 lbs.... the stress is eating away at me... so I'm eating hotdogs, ice cream, and burgers till I get back up to 110.

And so that was my weekend.

Pet my chicken!

Regina should be a petting zoo chicken. She loves people.

Watts gets a wagon ride

The fireworks in our backyard

My friends little girl loved the chicken too

Hot as balls, but people were staying outside!

Granny and James

Watts drew this of the chicken

showing off the girls