Fear

Little Ravers, the prettiest pony in all the land. 


We all have something that we fear. I'm not sure if fear is the same as being "afraid" though. Some things I'm just too afraid to do... like sky diving, hang gliding, para sailing, or bungee jumping. I will never do this in my lifetime.

Fear however.... I can get over. I can hold a snake for one minute, even though I loath them and think they are Satan in a legless body.

I can go on a roller coaster even though I feel as though I'm pushing myself to have a heart attack and have taken about 5 years off of my life. But who wants to live to 80? I don't.

I'm about to conquer another fear....
Horse Shows.

Yup... I get really really nervous, my chest gets tight, I have trouble breathing, my brain turns off, I'm just a pair of eyeballs trapped in a body sitting on a horse... my eyes frantically look around listening to my heartbeat thump fast and hard in my throat. My ears sometimes will start to ring so I can't hear what the judges want from us.....Just thinking about it has caused my stomach to fill with acid.

I don't know why this happens... I rode on the equestrian team in college and always came out with a ribbon. My coach Dee Jones always put me as point rider, meaning that she put all her faith in me to place so that my points won, would go towards the team package points. This never helped my nervousness.

It might have begun when I started to show as a child. Around 11 or 12 there I was galloping around a show ring jumping things backwards or in the wrong direction. I was hopeless. A real dummy.

I'm extremely competitive. I have always done sports where it comes solely down to me to win. I played basketball once. I couldn't believe how easy it was. The game was over, we lost, and I didn't care, because it wasn't my fault.

I ran track, if I lost a race, it was my fault. I did diving, if I didn't score well, it was because of me.. my toes weren't pointed or, that belly flop did not look so hot. And then Riding.... where my brain was always left at the barn.

This time though I will be riding Raven. My little 5 year old welsh pony project that has only just learned to canter around the ring. If we don't do well it's because my pony can barely trot a circle. This is just practice for her.... and well... I suppose for me too. It takes a lot of the pressure off. She's a baby, she doesn't know how to bend or extend yet. This is just for fun.

Last night Christina came and asked me to show with her. Christina also did the Intercollegiate Shows, and well.... she actually looks like something on a horse. She is a very pretty rider, with a nice seat, a pretty smile, and she even smells good. This girl was made for the show series. She is also my student...

Then there is me.... I feel like a waif of a poop log on a wild animal. I ride like an old man galloping around with some hounds. So before I said yes to making a fool of myself I asked Ginger to pretend that she was a judge at a horse show. "How bout I just be Ginger" Oh that's right.... we aren't five?

Around we went, Christina and I... She was on her perfect green Thoroughbred Bacio, and I was on my tiny baby green wild pony Raven. "Trot, please Trot" Raven picks up her trot and we are swerving around the ring. I can't for the life of me get her to stick to the rail, her head is bent to the outside and her body is gliding sideways towards some jumps, we are about to knock them over. "Halt, everyone halt!" We can do this one. Raven comes to a skidding halt like a roping horse. "Take three steps back" Yup can do this too!, Raven glides effortlessly back.... I can see Christina having trouble.... My confidence builds.

"Canter, please canter" from a halt? You have to be nuts, Ok, Ravers... we got this.... I ask her to do something we havent' gotten to practice yet, and sure enough she goes right into the canter like a pro. She knows! She knows that we are going to win this one. She canters around fully tilting to the inside ears perked up, little legs racing around.... I am working with 50% steering the other half if gone into the wind. "walk, please walk" She transitions down smoothly.

"Reverse" "Canter"
I ask her to canter once more. She picks up the canter... the wrong lead. Shoot.... I normally wouldn't worry too much about this since she is just learning to balance herself. I ask her to come back to the trot and push my weight to the outside and snap her onto her inside leg. Presto, she has the right lead and she did it so quickly I don' think they noticed.... Christina is fighting Bacio for her correct right lead. He is 50/50 on that side. He either gives it or  doesn't.

Raven and I swoosh past the pretty duo and wobble around the ring. This is fun! This is really fun, and both Raven and I have our competition hats on. "And Walk"

Game over....

Ginger is impressed with us! We get the winning vote!
Off to the show we go.
This time I was not nervous... I immediately became clear headed and super aware of what Raven was doing. I felt like I had taken a magic pill that made my brain super fast and my body meld into one with Raven. I think Raven liked it too.

I was so proud of little Ravers. She showed everyone how special she was. Not more then a month ago she was bucking, rearing, avoiding and stubbornly standing still refusing to go forward. Now she flicks her little flashy hooves out and tucks her tiny nose in and her little eyes sparkle like they are made of diamonds. I love this pony- she is stubborn as a mule, pretty as a prom queen, and as friendly as a golden retriever.

Now to get Raven on the trailer....

This could be as hard as asking her to levitate for me.

I can levitate!