Off the Grid

I have had enough... of the horse world and industry. It seems the only thing that has ever hurt me worse then boys are women that are in charge of the horses that I work with. I take it all very personally. I can't seem to catch a break. After telling my mom about my anxiety attacks, depression issues, and extreme paranoia, she said it plain like a mom does.

She basically said that I have been trying for the longest time to get into the horse world, enter the cult of people that play with horses. I keep getting spit out. I desperately want to be in it, but they sniff out my flaws and reject me... I'm not good enough, not serious enough, not proffessional enough, not strong enough, not knowledable enough and most importantly I have no money... gotta have lots of money floating around to be taken seriously. She rather I concentrate on my artwork and go back to work as an interior designer. Immediately my brain shut off... I have no confidence in that shit, even though I went to school and excelled in it.

Meanwhile, the horses love me, and I love them...

I am in.... way over my head with the three horses in my field. The two thoroughbreds are hard keepers meaning that being outside 24/7 is not doing them well, they need a stable to sleep in. They lose weight, and their feet start to fall apart out in the open.  They also will not last well in the winter without a proper shelter. I want to keep the pony, she eats less then me a day, is a joy to be around, her feet are hard as rocks, and I love her. She is what is called and easy keeper.

I have decided to find homes for the two thoroughbreds and use the money to pay for the pony. I will have one pony, and that is enough for me. I will keep to myself, stop trying to join the elite, and rubbing shoulders with horse experts, they are clearly too good for me.

I have also decided to get away from face book. I need to make some real friends, not watch the lives of people that I once enjoyed the company of. My true friends will call me on the phone, or email me. The others can roll down the mountain with my ego.

Then I will slowly pull away from society and become a hermit.

Just me and Raven (the pony) sipping some brandy down by the river growing old together with signs on our backs for people to go fuck themselves.
Sounds like a dream.

How to win the trust of a horse.

I just had a Monty Roberts kind of break through. Two weeks ago I had three horses put into the field next to my house. It then rained, poured and made my field into a sponge. I was beside myself... The two horses that I had in the field are in constant training, and I could not ride them.

To pass the time I groomed them, watched their behavior, and worked on trust games. My little pony Raven is a five year old baby, and to challenge her trust I would jump on her back with no bridle, no helmet, no saddle and sit on her back while she ate grass. She acted as if there was nothing wrong with this situation. I was waiting for her to bolt, drop her shoulder and dump me to the ground. Instead, Ellie, her lover came over and would nudge my leg, as if to say, "Get off my girlfriend"

Giselle is my other project horse. Ginger bought her from Camelot Auction house. We had no idea how this horse moved, where she came from, and we didn't test ride her. The day had come when she was at the Stable with us, and I was to ride her. She was nervous, and quick. It took all of my strength to calm my nerves, to keep this horse from taking off and bucking me off. She kicked, she bucked, she was a hot mess to ride. I was scared of her, and was a full hot horse full of nervous scared energy.

Over a month I gradually worked with this horse. She still bucked at the canter enough to throw any beginner rider to the ground. I kept my heel planted and my leg on her and rode her through the bucking. Still, I was nervous to ride this horse. Ginger had an acupuncturist come in, to do her magic. After a few days, I went to ride her once again. Still the same horse. I was terribly disappointed, but held strong to my hope. I had to think back to when I hated to ride little Raven, and then one day she turned a corner and became a joy to ride. I learned from this that with consistent slow work one day it seems to click with these horses. My second ride was better, and then she threw a shoe.

Now I have Giselle in my field. I had all of her shoes pulled and her feet looked at. She is now barefoot. I don't know much about her.... her health background or who owned her before me... She is a Thoroughbred off the track. She has had two wins. She is by no means a loser. She has won $20,000 in winnings. What happened to this horse? The more I found out about her the more I tried to win her over. I wanted her to trust me.

She was head shy- I couldn't touch her head without her thinking that I was going to hurt her in some way. This was a sign to be gentle, no matter what this horse does wrong. I touched her face all over... over and over again, to the point where now, she knows... that I will never ever put a hard hand to her body or face. When I come to her she walks up to me, and places her whole head into my body. She relaxes like a Golden Retriever and lets me hold her head for a massage of the for head, and kisses to the muzzle. Then on cue Raven will be nickering at my rump, asking me to love her too. I have been accepted as the head of the pack. They follow me around with their heads bowed low, and trust me to groom them with out being tied up. They stand still while I brush their legs and face.... they enjoy my company. I don't have to raise my voice, yet, with a stern voice I can tell one to go away, or one to stand better for me and they obey. I have respect from these enormous animals.

Tonight was magic.

I had received some terrible news, and was very stressed out. I was itching to get a release in some way. I knew that riding was the only way to calm my nerves and to get my mind off of the tragic news. I decided that tonight was the night that I was going to ride in the field. I wanted to ride Raven, because she was a safe bet... yet, I have no bridle that fits her yet... My bridle fits Ellie and Giselle. This morning I lunged Giselle to check the footing. It seemed hard enough.... and she was having no problems going around on the uneven grass. I grabbed my saddle, helmet, bridle, and marched out to the field determined to get something done.

I put Ellie on the other side of the fence this morning. She has separation anxiety, and the only way to rid her of this is to separate her. She had finally calmed down. I grabbed Giselle, and without even putting a halter on her I put my saddle on her, she stood like a rock. No kicking. I held her head and asked her for one huge favor.... "Please give me a nice ride... please don't buck me off, I am so stressed out... I really need you to make me happy...." She bowed her head into my chest, and took the bit happily. I took one last breath and threw my leg over the saddle. I was on ..... here we go.... this should be interesting. Raven was loose in the field with us, and followed us at the walk for a couple minutes before she relized that Giselle was a working girl right now... she got bored and wandered over to the run in shed, and stood in there as if it was a stall. Watching.... Meanwhile, Ellie was trotting up and down the fence line calling out to Giselle.... Giselle ignored her- almost as if to say, "Shut up! I'm working!"

I was able to put my leg on her, no kicking.... or ears pinned. She did a nice slow trot, not the usual extreme stride bouncy, uncomfortable urgent trot that I was used to. Am I on the right horse? I was able to do a wonderful sitting trot figure eights, Giselle went right onto the bit, collected up on a loose light rein... she was ready for the deadly canter. Do I dare ask her to do this? I was envisioning her to pinn her ears, give a huge buck and gallop uncontrolably down the field over the fence and dump me next to Ellie. I was expecting it. This is something Giselle would do. I asked her... "ARe you ready to Canter?" and with that she picked up a canter, a slow controlled canter bending effortlessly around the circle I had made up in the field. It was comfortable, I could have ridden her at the buckle of my reins. And then I noticed that her ears were perked forward... was she actually liking this? YES! She was happy, to do this for me. I asked for the walk, and she responded. I walked her down to the bottom of the field. There is a slight hill going up to the end of it. I was going to see if I could control her on this. I asked her to come to a stop at the bottom, and then asked her to "Canter!" and she took off up the hill in a wonderful controlled hand gallop, within seconds we were at the top. She circled, balanced, bending.... and then when I asked her to halt she slowed down and came to a dead stop. She gave out a big sigh.

It went on like this for the next 15 minutes. Walk down to the bottom, canter to the top, circle, stop. It was the best ride I have had in a while. I jumped off her.... I took the saddle off, and the bridle, and with a huge Thank you, I wrapped my arms around her next. her head went limp on my shoulder, she was hugging me back... I pulled away and her eyes were closed. That is one... happy relaxed horse. She opened them slowly. "Thank you! For that my sweet girl... you are amazing!" Then Raven came galloping out of the run in shed and demanded that I too tell her how amazing she was for staying put in her "stall"... The breeze had picked up... I stood there with my two favorite girls... Both demanding my love, and me absorbing every moment with both of them.

I am a horse trainer.... I know that I have a special gift for animal behavior. I took a pony that is as stubborn as a mule and made her into a a wannabe show pony. I took a scared, abused off the track race horse and made her into an event prospect. I did this in under two months.... and all it took was lots of ground time with them. I spent lots of time hanging out with them as if I was one of them. I spend a half hour every night grooming them, massaging them, scratching their itchy spots, and treating them as if I were another horse...I just look different.

I don't think enough people take the time it takes to gain the trust of their horses. They are too busy breaking them.... throwing devices on them to make them do things that are un natural to them. They work them too hard too fast. They do things the same way for too long.

 I do it differently. I become one of them, I gain their trust, I become their mothers.... I treat them with respect, and I love and care for them as if they are my own kids. I feed them well, I give them fresh clean water, I make sure they are comfortable. That's all horses want... They want to be free, they want to be horses, they will take your love and turn it to gold. They are quick to forgive, but will remember the day you harm them.

Like I said, it can't be a fluke that I just won over two horses... I must be doing something right.

Poison Ivy

Poison Ivy from Batman... if only this is what it looked like in the field, I would have no problem finding her. 

Poison Ivy the plant... looks like every single plant growing in my yard.

It's green and has leaves.....

I just came into contact with some Poison Ivy. I can't find it anywhere. Thankfully the hubster didn't come into contact with it, he has a tendency to turn into a giant swollen blister it's disgusting.

 I on the other hand don't get blisters. I get something that looks like a heat rash, and a raised tuft of skin with small bumps that weep.

So, how does one get Poison Ivy even though they can't find it anywhere in the garden? I thought at first it was Ron my cat... who came running in from outside and gave me a nice cuddle. I have it all over the inside of my arms which almost outlines the cat that I was cradling.

However, now I have it on the tip of my nose on my cheeks, on my stomach, on my legs, and a few patches on my shoulder blades.

Ron didn't touch most of these places.... and I was exposed to more areas after I gave him a bath. Who could be the culprit?? Nobody else seems to have poison Ivy... just me.... and then I started to realize...

I was out in the field last night grooming the horses. First Giselle, and then Raven came up and was rubbing her muzzle all over my neck and my back, especially the shoulder area, and then when I went to ride Ellie bare back I felt my shirt lift up and my belly touched her coat.... exactly where the poison ivy is.

And who do I make facial contact with? Raven. Raven gets so many kisses.... which would explain why my lips are swollen.

Do horses get poison Ivy? Raven has strange looking marks all over her muzzle. So....

Yes. They are up to their arm pits in it... out in the field. Now I have it, and I'm in hell. My face is so itchy. I wash my face with dishwasher detergent every half hour and then cover myself in calamine lotion. My skin is taking a beating.

Please be careful of your pets fur this summer! I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with my animals this summer without constantly coming into contact with the Ivy. I suppose I could go and find it....but first I would have to identify it, and that seems to be impossible.... I suck at plant identification almost as much as speaking another language.

Fear

Little Ravers, the prettiest pony in all the land. 


We all have something that we fear. I'm not sure if fear is the same as being "afraid" though. Some things I'm just too afraid to do... like sky diving, hang gliding, para sailing, or bungee jumping. I will never do this in my lifetime.

Fear however.... I can get over. I can hold a snake for one minute, even though I loath them and think they are Satan in a legless body.

I can go on a roller coaster even though I feel as though I'm pushing myself to have a heart attack and have taken about 5 years off of my life. But who wants to live to 80? I don't.

I'm about to conquer another fear....
Horse Shows.

Yup... I get really really nervous, my chest gets tight, I have trouble breathing, my brain turns off, I'm just a pair of eyeballs trapped in a body sitting on a horse... my eyes frantically look around listening to my heartbeat thump fast and hard in my throat. My ears sometimes will start to ring so I can't hear what the judges want from us.....Just thinking about it has caused my stomach to fill with acid.

I don't know why this happens... I rode on the equestrian team in college and always came out with a ribbon. My coach Dee Jones always put me as point rider, meaning that she put all her faith in me to place so that my points won, would go towards the team package points. This never helped my nervousness.

It might have begun when I started to show as a child. Around 11 or 12 there I was galloping around a show ring jumping things backwards or in the wrong direction. I was hopeless. A real dummy.

I'm extremely competitive. I have always done sports where it comes solely down to me to win. I played basketball once. I couldn't believe how easy it was. The game was over, we lost, and I didn't care, because it wasn't my fault.

I ran track, if I lost a race, it was my fault. I did diving, if I didn't score well, it was because of me.. my toes weren't pointed or, that belly flop did not look so hot. And then Riding.... where my brain was always left at the barn.

This time though I will be riding Raven. My little 5 year old welsh pony project that has only just learned to canter around the ring. If we don't do well it's because my pony can barely trot a circle. This is just practice for her.... and well... I suppose for me too. It takes a lot of the pressure off. She's a baby, she doesn't know how to bend or extend yet. This is just for fun.

Last night Christina came and asked me to show with her. Christina also did the Intercollegiate Shows, and well.... she actually looks like something on a horse. She is a very pretty rider, with a nice seat, a pretty smile, and she even smells good. This girl was made for the show series. She is also my student...

Then there is me.... I feel like a waif of a poop log on a wild animal. I ride like an old man galloping around with some hounds. So before I said yes to making a fool of myself I asked Ginger to pretend that she was a judge at a horse show. "How bout I just be Ginger" Oh that's right.... we aren't five?

Around we went, Christina and I... She was on her perfect green Thoroughbred Bacio, and I was on my tiny baby green wild pony Raven. "Trot, please Trot" Raven picks up her trot and we are swerving around the ring. I can't for the life of me get her to stick to the rail, her head is bent to the outside and her body is gliding sideways towards some jumps, we are about to knock them over. "Halt, everyone halt!" We can do this one. Raven comes to a skidding halt like a roping horse. "Take three steps back" Yup can do this too!, Raven glides effortlessly back.... I can see Christina having trouble.... My confidence builds.

"Canter, please canter" from a halt? You have to be nuts, Ok, Ravers... we got this.... I ask her to do something we havent' gotten to practice yet, and sure enough she goes right into the canter like a pro. She knows! She knows that we are going to win this one. She canters around fully tilting to the inside ears perked up, little legs racing around.... I am working with 50% steering the other half if gone into the wind. "walk, please walk" She transitions down smoothly.

"Reverse" "Canter"
I ask her to canter once more. She picks up the canter... the wrong lead. Shoot.... I normally wouldn't worry too much about this since she is just learning to balance herself. I ask her to come back to the trot and push my weight to the outside and snap her onto her inside leg. Presto, she has the right lead and she did it so quickly I don' think they noticed.... Christina is fighting Bacio for her correct right lead. He is 50/50 on that side. He either gives it or  doesn't.

Raven and I swoosh past the pretty duo and wobble around the ring. This is fun! This is really fun, and both Raven and I have our competition hats on. "And Walk"

Game over....

Ginger is impressed with us! We get the winning vote!
Off to the show we go.
This time I was not nervous... I immediately became clear headed and super aware of what Raven was doing. I felt like I had taken a magic pill that made my brain super fast and my body meld into one with Raven. I think Raven liked it too.

I was so proud of little Ravers. She showed everyone how special she was. Not more then a month ago she was bucking, rearing, avoiding and stubbornly standing still refusing to go forward. Now she flicks her little flashy hooves out and tucks her tiny nose in and her little eyes sparkle like they are made of diamonds. I love this pony- she is stubborn as a mule, pretty as a prom queen, and as friendly as a golden retriever.

Now to get Raven on the trailer....

This could be as hard as asking her to levitate for me.

I can levitate! 

Get'in some Cardio

Raven and I practicing for a triathlon.

Yesterday I was working with little Raven the pony. She is getting much better every time I go to lunge her. This time I wanted to see if she would jog next to me. I started to jog and she picked up her trot right next to me. It was a neat feeling. If I stopped she stopped. She kept her distance about 4' away  to my side. I ran over some poles laying on the ground and she followed without a problem.

Ginger the owner of the barn walked past the ring and yelled out "What are you doing?! Getting some cardio in?" I immediately felt stupid and lost my self awareness and must have veered into Ravens path, next thing I know I have a horse pummeling the back of me, coming close to almost running me down.

She regained her footing as did I... and we kept on jogging around in the ring both looking a little embarrassed but determined to regain our composure.

 It reminded me of when I used to go running on trails with my dads Great Dane "Lucy". I had a vision of taking Raven with me to the same park and going for a two mile run with her.  She was a better running partner then Lucy, and isn't much bigger. Who knows, maybe this horse could be my new partner. Then who knows... marathons maybe, screw three day eventing, she rather do a triathlon.  Anyway, here is a drawing of what I had in mind.
Enjoy!

Finn and Raven

I drew this today... while thinking of my two favorite horses. When I teach lessons sometimes I bring Raven into the ring so she can watch how a horse is supposed to behave with a rider on their back. She gets bored and spends most of her time looking for something to eat. 

Easter Weekend

Watts has discovered money and candy are hidden in these eggs. We had to do a practice run before he went to do the real Easter egg hunt. 

It was Easter weekend and we got a ton done! My mom is finally back from her vacation which allows the hubster and I to work together to get projects completed.

My dad came over to help again and brought with him a 17' bamboo pole that he chopped down on his way here. He pulled into the driveway with it sticking out of his sunroof. I can't believe he drove around like that, but if you have ever met my dad you will clearly see that he is aloof when it comes to wacky looking things.

The bamboo pole was the perfect addition to the chicken coop roof. The hubster erected two beams and then laid the bamboo pole across the top to act like a roof ridge line. We then pulled chicken wire over it, and secured the edges to the sides.

With three people working on it, we completely covered the top in chicken wire and it only took 5 hours. Not bad. I can now go and get more baby chicks and actually watch them grow into ladies!

I also planted my peas into the new garden beds. However, I forgot to harden them off first. (to put them outside for the day, and bring them in at night to acclimate them to the weather) They will most likely die. I can just plant some more.

We also made it to nanny and pop-pops house in Reading, Pa for an Easter Egg Hunt. The weather blew chunks, but Watts and James had a blast.

James turned 8 months old yesterday, and with that he decided to climb all the way up the stairs on his own, looking back at me, as if to say... "really your going to let me do this?!" Watts decided that James was getting too much attention from me, so he brought some toys up the stairs and they played on the stairs for a while.

I also managed to teach a jumping class on Friday. It was so much fun. I rode a horse named Finn who is super fancy. I can't get him out of my mind. I would like to own him... only he is 17, and that is a bit old. I also worked with pony Raven. I jumped on her back and got her to walk, trot and canter. I gave the ok for her to do lead line classes, which is a big deal because she can now earn her own keep and will no longer be a useless pony sitting around eating and farting her day away.

It was a good weekend to say the least!

James and Watts getting ready for the Easter weekend. Watts is feeding James  a banana. 

James is 8 months now and proved it by climbing the stairs. Watts played with him on the stairs to pass the time. 

Our new Alcatraz chicken coop. We shortened the one side away from the trees where the hawks like to sit and wait. 

The 17' bamboo pole that my dad brought works as a great ridge line for my chicken wire. 

Rogue and Fluffy- best buddies! And now safe and sound.

Our vegetable gardens waiting patiently for plants. Notice my pea's? 

Doh! I forgot to harden it off first. Hopefully it will still thrive. Hardening off means to bring it outside for the day and bring it back in for the night till it has become used to the outdoor climate. 

Regina, Becky, and Martha behind two layers of fence. Safe and Sound, and hating me for coming empty handed. 

Finn and I cantering up to the next jump. Isn't he a handsome boy?! We get on marvelously. He's my new bestie! 

Finn and I jumping for the first time together. He over jumped it by about a foot. I don't mind. The higher the better!  He agrees with me because we share a brain. 

Stubborn little pony!

I was thinking of Raven today, and drew this. 

Not feeling it today.

I have nothing to say today. I still feel a little dead inside from the weekend. In the meantime, here is a person dressed as a snail crawling across a road. I also included a drawing I did of the pony Raven I have been riding. She is more like a dog. Terrible to ride because she knows nothing, but once you get on the ground with her she is a love bug... so docile that I could put her in a half nelson and wrestle her to the ground like a great dane. I have a lot of work to do with her. Too bad the weather sucks the big one today. Rain, cold, shit of a day. Oh just shoot me.