Fear

Little Ravers, the prettiest pony in all the land. 


We all have something that we fear. I'm not sure if fear is the same as being "afraid" though. Some things I'm just too afraid to do... like sky diving, hang gliding, para sailing, or bungee jumping. I will never do this in my lifetime.

Fear however.... I can get over. I can hold a snake for one minute, even though I loath them and think they are Satan in a legless body.

I can go on a roller coaster even though I feel as though I'm pushing myself to have a heart attack and have taken about 5 years off of my life. But who wants to live to 80? I don't.

I'm about to conquer another fear....
Horse Shows.

Yup... I get really really nervous, my chest gets tight, I have trouble breathing, my brain turns off, I'm just a pair of eyeballs trapped in a body sitting on a horse... my eyes frantically look around listening to my heartbeat thump fast and hard in my throat. My ears sometimes will start to ring so I can't hear what the judges want from us.....Just thinking about it has caused my stomach to fill with acid.

I don't know why this happens... I rode on the equestrian team in college and always came out with a ribbon. My coach Dee Jones always put me as point rider, meaning that she put all her faith in me to place so that my points won, would go towards the team package points. This never helped my nervousness.

It might have begun when I started to show as a child. Around 11 or 12 there I was galloping around a show ring jumping things backwards or in the wrong direction. I was hopeless. A real dummy.

I'm extremely competitive. I have always done sports where it comes solely down to me to win. I played basketball once. I couldn't believe how easy it was. The game was over, we lost, and I didn't care, because it wasn't my fault.

I ran track, if I lost a race, it was my fault. I did diving, if I didn't score well, it was because of me.. my toes weren't pointed or, that belly flop did not look so hot. And then Riding.... where my brain was always left at the barn.

This time though I will be riding Raven. My little 5 year old welsh pony project that has only just learned to canter around the ring. If we don't do well it's because my pony can barely trot a circle. This is just practice for her.... and well... I suppose for me too. It takes a lot of the pressure off. She's a baby, she doesn't know how to bend or extend yet. This is just for fun.

Last night Christina came and asked me to show with her. Christina also did the Intercollegiate Shows, and well.... she actually looks like something on a horse. She is a very pretty rider, with a nice seat, a pretty smile, and she even smells good. This girl was made for the show series. She is also my student...

Then there is me.... I feel like a waif of a poop log on a wild animal. I ride like an old man galloping around with some hounds. So before I said yes to making a fool of myself I asked Ginger to pretend that she was a judge at a horse show. "How bout I just be Ginger" Oh that's right.... we aren't five?

Around we went, Christina and I... She was on her perfect green Thoroughbred Bacio, and I was on my tiny baby green wild pony Raven. "Trot, please Trot" Raven picks up her trot and we are swerving around the ring. I can't for the life of me get her to stick to the rail, her head is bent to the outside and her body is gliding sideways towards some jumps, we are about to knock them over. "Halt, everyone halt!" We can do this one. Raven comes to a skidding halt like a roping horse. "Take three steps back" Yup can do this too!, Raven glides effortlessly back.... I can see Christina having trouble.... My confidence builds.

"Canter, please canter" from a halt? You have to be nuts, Ok, Ravers... we got this.... I ask her to do something we havent' gotten to practice yet, and sure enough she goes right into the canter like a pro. She knows! She knows that we are going to win this one. She canters around fully tilting to the inside ears perked up, little legs racing around.... I am working with 50% steering the other half if gone into the wind. "walk, please walk" She transitions down smoothly.

"Reverse" "Canter"
I ask her to canter once more. She picks up the canter... the wrong lead. Shoot.... I normally wouldn't worry too much about this since she is just learning to balance herself. I ask her to come back to the trot and push my weight to the outside and snap her onto her inside leg. Presto, she has the right lead and she did it so quickly I don' think they noticed.... Christina is fighting Bacio for her correct right lead. He is 50/50 on that side. He either gives it or  doesn't.

Raven and I swoosh past the pretty duo and wobble around the ring. This is fun! This is really fun, and both Raven and I have our competition hats on. "And Walk"

Game over....

Ginger is impressed with us! We get the winning vote!
Off to the show we go.
This time I was not nervous... I immediately became clear headed and super aware of what Raven was doing. I felt like I had taken a magic pill that made my brain super fast and my body meld into one with Raven. I think Raven liked it too.

I was so proud of little Ravers. She showed everyone how special she was. Not more then a month ago she was bucking, rearing, avoiding and stubbornly standing still refusing to go forward. Now she flicks her little flashy hooves out and tucks her tiny nose in and her little eyes sparkle like they are made of diamonds. I love this pony- she is stubborn as a mule, pretty as a prom queen, and as friendly as a golden retriever.

Now to get Raven on the trailer....

This could be as hard as asking her to levitate for me.

I can levitate! 

The Weekend.

Ellie and her baby birds

Once again the hubster and I got many things done this weekend. We adopted three new chicks. A Buff Easter Egger born in February. This bird should produce blue eggs. We also got a White Plymouth Rock born in March along with a Speckled Sussex born in March. They are already in the coop having a great time with the rest of my girls.

Nancy is my bird lady, or rather a bird breeder that I go to; to get my birds. She showed me around her place and let me look at all of her adult birds. She had one White leghorn rooster that was the size of a Beagle. Only bigger.

She also had a three year old daughter with long shaggy hair that would go in and grab all the baby birds and place them on a running machine that was in the same room as the babies. Her name was Ellie. It was hard to watch little Ellie grab babies by a wing or a head and play with them as if they were little dolls. Yet Nancy assured me that she wouldn't kill them, she knows better now. You can tell this kid will end up becoming a Steve Irwin type that loves birds.

 I assume there were lots of killings before the age of 3? Nancy is passionate about her birds, and gets very excited about them and talks really fast. I was trying so hard to pay attention and once and a while I would get a tiny poke or a pull from Ellie. "Yes Ellie?" "I like your car!" "Thanks! you have good taste!" poke poke "Yes Ellie?" "What does tem-per-mint mean?" "uh..... it means.... uh..... ummm.... " meanwhile... Nancy hasn't skipped a beat and is throwing more birds into my arms to "hold". "Do you like this one? Here hold her for a second while I get this one"

 We were in Nancy's house and I was standing on what looks to be a nice rug... and there... goes a poop onto the rug...."oops that one just pooped" Says Nancy...casually. "I am so sorry!, I don't know... what....to... do about that" "Oh no worries, it happens all the time". Ellie comes running out with a squirt bottle in hand ready to clean up.

I came home with the three chicks.... absolutely drained. I was there for an hour. I was jammed with new knowledge but was exhausted from three year old Ellie, baby bird screams, and the constant push to look at an IPhone to see what these chicks would look like when they mature. I hate looking at Iphone pictures. I HATE IT! I especially hate looking at the internet on an iphone. It's not a computer, it's just too small. I have a dumb phone. I refuse to upgrade to the future.


So baby birds... check!

 Then we went to my mom's house to see a strange man. We went out to lunch and feasted. The weather couldn't have been nicer. I decided to pluck some fish from the pond. Check. Done.

We now have 7 Koi... swimming around on our front porch. Alive and well! They made the transport. Which means I can go and get some more. I think there are at least 25 fish to be plucked... or not plucked... we will see, I think my mom wants to keep the pond and fish. Which means it needs to be repaired. Which is not an easy task.

I also cleaned out the chicken coop completely. I even hosed it all down with a pressure washer. It is so clean I could sleep in there and that is saying a lot. (Chicken Coops can be notoriously disgusting).

I also went to watch a horse clinic this weekend at Snap Dragon Stables http://www.ridesnapdragon.com/. I finally got to meet Coelli Netsky. http://cnetskyequine.com/ . She is  a big deal where I live. She judges horse shows, and is a certified horse trainer.  I wanted to make my best impression on her; so... I dressed as a professional horse trainer. It did the job. I gained some respect, and hopefully have re-launched my reputation as a good riding instructor and horse trainer.

I'm hoping that my cartoons take off too. I havent' decided whether I will eventually make this into a book, or just do an illustrated novel like Robert Crumb. http://www.crumbproducts.com/ . I'm getting a lot of feedback from the cartoons on facebook. I would like to be the next american Norman Thelwell http://www.thelwell.org.uk/. I will never do it like him of course, but maybe with time I will get my own style. As I have mentioned before I love his work.

So that was my weekend!
Here are some pictures and maybe a cartoon if I have time.

Feasting with family.

James likes the strange man

James and Watts lounging and reminiscing about the old days.

Fish in the new pond!

Say hello to the new chicks. Mango, Spots, and Honky

a boy and his bird

My boy Watts (age 2) and his bird.

My first week back in the saddle.

I did not draw this... This is a Norman Thelwell cartoon... he died in 2004 and was an amazing pony cartoonist. He is from England, and worked for Punch magazine. He is one of my favorite artists.

Thelwell Website

It has been about five years since I have consistently rode a horse. I was surprised at how quickly my muscle memory came back. My body knows what to do but is lacking the muscle to keep me in place. I am , after a week, starting to get my muscle back in all the right places so that I can stay put in one place and let loose in another. Without my muscle I am gripping everywhere just to stay still and am overcompensating by using my hands or lower leg. Riding looks easy, but every muscle is involved from your head down to your heal.

Last night I rode a horse named Ellie. I also rode her on Sunday. She has been ridden a handful of times since coming to Snap Dragon Stables. I brought her in from the field and hooked her up to the cross ties.. She immediately started to dance and weave nervously all over the place.

Horses are herd animals. They can't be by themselves. Ellie has made friends with a horse named Lucy, and they are best buds. Ellie was freaking out without Lucy by her side. One of the barn girls brought Lucy in while I brushed Ellie and tried to get her tacked up. She was very upset... but I was reassured that she would be fine in the ring. My favorite saying is "bad in the barn, good in the ring" I was hoping this would be true this time.

Ellie is a teenager, and must have been a show horse at some point. She was a little stiff at first, but was very quiet at the trot. She didn't pull anything sneaky, and responded well to my leg. A tap with my left heal and she drifted right. This old mare had some training, and she was letting me know about it.

Her attention soon left Lucy, and within moments we were dancing. I was Ellie's new partner in crime. No toes were being stepped on and we glided across the ring in sync. Both of us having something in common. Out of shape, old girls, diamonds in the rough, wanting to dazzle each other with our skills.

I dismounted, and Ellie nudged me, head held low, calm, relaxed, a low snort (a comforting relaxed sound a horse makes).  This was a completely different horse then what I had brought out of the barn.

The next day I was to ride her again. I brought her into the barn and hooked her up. I started to brush her... and then it dawned on me... she wasn't like this yesterday. She was skipping and sashaying every which way... but  today, she stood like a rock, watching me, listening to me as I gabbed to the girls. Could she possibly remember me?

I saddled her up and walked out to the ring. We started to work, and already she was much better then the previous day. She was loose, more limber, more agile, and more graceful. She floated, extended, collected, bended and responded as if she had been in serious training for months. Ginger, the owner was watching. "I heard she can jump" No need to ask... let's get the jumps set up.

Ginger set up the course, and soon I was trotting up to my first cross rail on a horse that nobody has seen jump... Ellie could see the jump coming and turned into a Porshe... wanting to gallop down the line... me holding her back, collecting her up, keeping her straight and focused without getting in her way. She sailed over the jump... no problem. She liked it, and so did I. We did it a few more times, and it became less sloppy every time. Could I ask her to bend this hard at a canter? I didn't know, I asked, and she happily responded... bending sharply, while collected and balanced she sailed over the jumps. This was no spring chicken. This was my new fancy girl!!

She is my new Bestie... this is what I love about horses. I can always find something in common with them. It sounds cliche... but riding is very much like dancing. Some dance partners have no rhythm and step on your toes and it takes time to get on the same page. While others are like your right arm, they are just meant to be there at your side.

I'm excited, I feel like a kid again. I got fire in my belly, and energy in my step... I wonder what Ellie is doing right now... I wonder if she feels sore from yesterday, or happy to be back into work... I think horses like to be worked, and praised. I hope so anyway. I know I do.

It's raining today, I don't think we will be dancing tonight. That's ok though- I have time.

Positive Thinking Brings Positive Things

I am so excited it might as well be Christmas! No... scratch that, I hate Christmas... I'm just so excited. My face hurts from smiling cause I never do it.

I have been checking out this riding academy down the road from my house (about 2 miles away) for about a month now. I made friends with them on face book and look at the pictures on their website longingly... and dream about one day of riding a horse again.... I kept telling myself that I couldn't ride because I couldn't leave the kids for more then two hours. I was still breast feeding James, and I didn't want him to be formula fed.

Anyway, guess what bitches?!?! Jbone no longer needs me. He is a big boy and eating real food, and he has two teeth coming in, which tells me that my services are done. YeeHAAAA....

So the Stable posted last night on facebook that they were in need of a working hand, someone to help out around the barn in the evening. Say what? The evening? I can do evenings now. The hubster gets home from work and all he needs to do is eat dinner and put the boys to bed. I wouldn't be a bad mother if I worked nights. Everything was pointing to me to do this. Ride horses, get paid, be happy, not miss out on raising the boys. AND the hubster said it was OK.

I didn't even have to think about it, I just automatically wrote the stable a letter telling them my wants and needs, and within 5 minutes I had a reply to come on by the following day. I just went for my interview to check out the stable.

Its a cute little ten stall barn with 13 horses, mostly rescues. They teach lessons to little kids to adults. There is an outdoor ring with good footing and a small indoor ring. The lady that runs it is awesome. She is young and not ugly. Rare in the horse world. It isn't snobby, and everyone I spoke to was normal. I'm normally shy, and won't know what to say to people... and end up sweating and drooling a little and then will blurt something out inappropriate... not this time. I had this in the bag. I was confident, and told good stories, and introduced myself to everyone. "Hi, I'm Liz... I'm amazing, and you are?" It was like I was standing outside of my body and watching this God walk around, and it was me.

Horses are the only thing I have confidence in... so I took charge and left with a whole week of riding for free to get my core and legs back in shape with the potential to work there training and teaching when money starts rolling in. I tried not to look like this was the best deal of my life. I just smiled and said I would see her tomorrow. Inside though... my little head? Was the fourth of July. My heart was beating for the first time since I had James, and my hands and face were frozen solid, I couldn't wait to get back into the car.

I'm so excited I'm shaking... mostly from the cold it was so cold there that I thought at one point I could have easily snapped my finger off. I was going to call my mom and dad to tell them the news, but they don't care about me and horses... They can just read this instead.

AND at 3:00 today we are going to pick out some new family members. (chicks)

Me on "Moon" right before I started dating the hubster. Last horse I had in 2007?. 

It feels good to be happy, I should try this more often. Sure beats depression.