Update on: Miss Bobbie Socks after she left me….

Well here I thought my blogs were just stupid rants and raves about my little life....

I wrote a story about my horse Giselle (Miss Bobbie Socks) that I had re-homed. At the time I could barely write the story due the excessive crying while typing... it was not an easy story for me to write about.

Yet, the story worked it's way to Google, and a girl who was on a mission to find her once loved horse now knew where to find her. I knew that Giselle had a story, a good one... and magically her story came to light when I received an email from a girl named Mallory. I was in shock.... she sent pictures of Miss Bobby Socks at the Hampton Classic, with this girl on her back.

The email was this:

Good afternoon,

My name is Mallory ******  and due to the help of many friends I have come across your blog post about "Miss Bobbie Socks"- or "Giselle".

Almost three years ago I was shown a horse that was picked up from auction in my search to lease the perfect child/adult jumper. Miss Bobbie Socks, or "Hope" as she is known to me was one of them. I leased her for a year and a half and we ended our run at the Hampton Classic right before I left for college (photos attached). When my lease was up she returned to her owner, Wayne Dougal, who later sold her to the Strain family horse farm. I was confident that this was a good home until recently when I became informed that she ended up at Camelot. Attached are her photos from Camelot, as well.

I have been desperately trying to track down her new home in an effort to make sure she is safe. I am completely torn apart over the fact that she ended up at auction but your blog post has sincerely given me so much hope for her safety.

Please, if you know who has her or who got her from you, let me know. I am on a crazy manhunt here and judging by your post I'm sure you know why- this is an amazingly special horse. By the way, we had trouble picking a show name when I had her until finally we saw her jump. We then settled on "SuperGirl"- you know why!

Thank you for taking care of her for the time you had her. I am so relieved to see that. I am hoping I can see her again.

THANK YOU

Funny enough.... I came up with the Name "Giselle the Gazelle" in the truck coming home from Auction.... the guy at Camelot said that this horse had jumped out of the round ring, and was too much to handle for the two other people that had adopted this horse before us.... well now we know where she learned to jump! 
Of course... I was over the moon about this new information.... Mallory and I quickly started writing back and forth and now Mallory is on a good path to finding her beloved horse... I hope they can meet again.... If anything, the power of this blog has helped a girl find her friend once more. I am so happy for her, and do hope that she in the end gets her horse that we both loved so much back.
Good luck Mallory!
And my love will always be with you my sweet peasant girl....I think of you every day, and miss you terribly... if only you knew how much you have touched those around you. A very special animal indeed.
Here's to a happy long life with lots of people that love you unconditionally. 

My first day with Giselle the Gazelle my Peasant Girl.

Mallory and "Super Girl" (her show name).

Mallory and "Hope" as she was also called.

Mallory and Hope 

Mallory and Hope

Me and Giselle after our first ride.

Giselle after she kicked a hole in the wall....

Giselle a few days later

The race horse....very scared and unsure at first.... looking at the blueberry farmers in the field in front of us.

BUT WAIT…. the story still goes on for this poor horse. I just got an update on Miss Bobbie Socks.
I sold Giselle (Miss Bobbie Socks) on July 20th 2013.
I was just notified by (Miss Bobbie Socks) current owner of her history so far since she has left my pasture plus she did extensive research and found all the places that Giselle has been before she hit Camelot.  (Where I found her)
I sold her to a Trainer in Connecticut that would find her a forever home.

The trainer I sold her too sent me this after she sold her to her new home.  This is a picture of Chris (her current owner) riding her.

which is where the current owner Christina and her partner bought her. She now lives in Malvern, PA only an hour or so away from me. She is currently being worked from the ground up and will hopefully have a forever home. If Christina does not want Miss Bobbie Socks anymore I have agreed to take her back. Because she is so close to me, I may even go visit her.

Christina sent me this picture of her 1 month ago in her current home. 

Miss Socks all ready for lunging. Chris takes exceptional care of her and dressed her in they fly sheet to help her concentrate while lunging. 

That is one happy and healthy horse. I'm so pleased to have met Chris and correspond with her regularly with fabulous stories of the horse that was once a mystery. 

Lets hope this is the last update.
Goodnight Miss Bobbie Socks. I'm thankful to know where you are. I can sleep well tonight.

Off the Track

Miss Bobbie Socks or as I called her. Peasant Girl "Giselle"

My dad called me and requested that I write a blog about my horse Giselle... it's a sad story to me... one that I have been keeping on my back burner.

When I worked at a local barn down the road from my house I was in the process of training Raven, and riding a bunch of the school horses. I really wanted to start training for eventing. Eventing is usually a three day event where you take one horse and do Dressage (ballet for horses), Cross Country jumping (a three mile dash across the country side jumping natural obstacles) , and Stadium Jumping (jumps that fall down). It is a triathlon for horse back riding.

I wanted to find a horse that was capable of doing this, and was sorta prepping for it. I wanted to find a rescue horse that was athletic enough to do so. Ginger (my old boss) has a great eye for picking rescue horses that turn into gold. I trusted her opinion. I went with her to Camelot Horse Auction to take a look at the horses.

We roamed the back stable where the horses were kept, and she got her eye on this Chestnut Mare with four white socks. "She sure is purdy, but a little over the knee" Ginger mumbled as she leaned against the fence looking at the rear end of this Thoroughbred as it calmly ate hay out of the manger. I wasn't that impressed. "Yeah I guess... what is over the knee mean?" "Her knee is over her hoof... see how it's not straight?, I don't think it will be  problem"

To make a long story short... Ginger bought the horse without ever watching her be ridden.

A week later, I was on this horses back. She was a little nuts... I couldn't put my heal against her body without her bucking, she was nervous, and had a bunch of stable vices... you couldn't tie her to the wall without her ripping out the rope, she kicked a hole in the wall, and she pretty much hated me. She was scared, and very anxious.

I wasn't sure if I had found the one for me. Ginger just kept saying "If you want her she is your horse" I wasn't sure what that meant. Who buys someone a horse with no strings attached? Even my own parents wouldn't do that for me. I was naive... and untrusting. Giselle and I had something in common.

Ginger closed the barn about a month later and three horses came to stay with me in my field next door.

Ginger said that Giselle had a tattoo on her upper lip from when she was a race horse. The cool thing about tattoos is that you can send in the tattoo to the jockey club and they look it up and send back all of the horses history.

I got a reply identifying the horse. No name horse which I named "Peasant Girl, Giselle the Gazelle" was actually named Miss Bobbie Socks. She had two wins and raced about 20 times. She won over $200,000 and was born in Oklahoma. She ended up with the Strain Family in Connecticut. A well known family for turning out some great and expensive horses.

This horse sure did have a history, and the more I researched her the more I ended up loving her. Meanwhile, she was casually grazing in my field next door and had become a happy well adjusted horse that was a total sweet heart... except when she came into heat... to which case she no longer let me groom her, and would spin around and try to kick my teeth out. She was mare-ish, as we say in the horse world.

Other days I could hop on her back and gallop her around the field as if we were on the track... she loved it, I could feel the winner in her. She put her whole heart into galloping, and once at the top of the field she would collect and balance herself under my leg and become a rocking horse under my weight as we did a perfect circle over a jump without hesitation. I would hop off her back and she would always take her head and tuck it into my chest and close her eyes and let me scratch her face... a horse hug is what I call it.

Raven would bully her though... and chase her away as she ate her food. She needed to eat desperately... loosing weight was her new hobby. Thoroughbreds are notoriously hard keepers and will eat you out of house and home... and sure enough that was what was happening. Squeals were often heard as Giselle and Raven would back their asses against each other and kick and buck relentlessly at each other. Watching this was horrible. Bare hoofs would make full contact with each other.. and leave giant round welts for days... my pony would walk around with a stiff limp and Giselle had missing fur from a quick kick. It was getting out of control. Meanwhile, Ellie was a protective mom to both, head of the pack and was equally a mother to both Raven and Giselle. She always had her eye on both of them, and kept the heard together.

I had lost my passion for riding momentarily... and because Giselle was withering away in weight and hoof I decided to find her a perfect home.

The day came that I found a lady that would take her... She came out with her horse trailer... it was a perfect day. I groomed Giselle and of course the bond between us made it ever so much harder.

Tears rolling down my face, I brushed her mane... "I found you a perfect home, your going to love it... many acres, only two other horses, top notch horse feed, a barn even... you will be so happy there..." Giselle rested her head against my shoulder and gave out a sigh. I was boring her....she just wanted to get this over with. The lady came over and introduced herself. I immediately liked her. She was well put together and already had done all of her research on Giselle. She was a trainer like me that rescued off the track horses and sold them to permanent homes.

She rode Giselle around the field... Giselle was in good form, and was behaving herself, ears back and nasty faces was all she gave... if only this lady had seen this horse just a month ago... the bronco bucking, the spins and dips to get rid of the rider... now she was trotting around in a frame, and the lady rode her beautifully. It was a sight to be seen. My horse was being ridden by an expert rider, and the two of them looked like they were ready for Devon. She was a little apprehensive to canter or jump her... "Do you want me to show you her real talent?" The lady was eager to see. I jumped on and quickly trotted Giselle down the field. On cue we stopped at the bottom... Giselle ears perked up knowing what was going to happen next. "GO!" As if I had gunned a porshe, her back legs dug into the ground and her rocket boosters ignited. We launched up the field at the women, her eyes wide and scared, the ground shook with the hoof beats. I laughed as we came up around her, I shifted my body weight back and immediately Giselle tucked her nose in and we did a slow canter around the lady.... "Want to see her jump?!" "YES!" And with that I asked for a flying lead change, jumped, and asked for another lead change and without pulling on my reins, I shifted my weight back and down, and Giselle came to a skidding halt.

I jumped off effortlessly.

The lady was impressed. "Ok I can work with that!"

Next thing I know Giselle is in my driveway as I went to get the Coggins papers. It happened so fast. As we walked across the street to the horse trailer Giselle screamed out... she threw her head up and looked back at the field. Then the thunder started... Ellie and Raven broke through the electric fence at the bottom of the field and were now in the upper corner of the field crying back. You could see the fence shaking as Ellie threw her body into it trying to get to Giselle. The screaming back and forth was one of the worst sounds I have ever heard.. my body started to shake, and I knew I couldn't hold out much longer... this was hard... this was really hard. I almost grabbed Giselle and took her back to her family. Yet, she gave out one finale goodbye and walked effortlessly onto the trailer. I took her leadrope, gave her a pat on the butt and told her I loved her.... more then anyone would know.

I walked shamefully back to the field to calm down the girls. I gave them some food which they ate, screamed, ate some more. I stood in the field and watched as the trailer left. My horses in view as the trailer drove away. I could see Giselle turn her head and give one finale goodbye... it trailed off into the distance, and then I collapsed.

Sobs.... I have never felt so much pain.... I wasn't expecting this.

Raven came over and looked at me like I was the biggest traitor in the world. Ellie trotted back and forth... calling... calling... for her friend to come back... for two days. All night long... she called.

The horses demeanor changed. They both clung to each other for dear life after Giselle left. They became like mother and daughter. I had Ellie up for sale too.... but after that... I couldn't do it. I promptly took down the for sale ads, and decided to keep her.

Since then the horses have been much better and easier to keep.
They are happy and content. They have forgotten about Giselle... even though I know that if she came back they would gallop around, celebrating her return.

I have been in touch with the lady that took Giselle. She has gained weight and loves her new boyfriends. She is adjusting well to her new home till she finds the perfect home. When that happens I will know about it... and the new owner will have all of her paper work, her history, and know exactly who this horse is.... she will never go back to auction, and she will never be a no name horse. This is the only thing that can help me sleep at night.

I still think about her everyday. I miss her... even as I write this I have tears trickling down my cheeks. Over a horse.... she was so much more then that though. I learned a great lesson from her. I had bonded with her. I had gained her trust. I came to understand her... and I can't help but feel like I let her down in some way.

It's a sad story that I didn't really want to tell... but my dad seems to think otherwise.
Anyway, moral of the story. Rescue a horse, take the time to know them, and then keep them, love them, and care for them.

Many horses are going to meat markets. They are majestic creatures.... and will give you their soul for just a little bit of love and care. They are easy creatures to love, and they certainly love you back. They are a natural drug... they are a psychiatrist... they are the Adderall for your kid, they are structure for an unruly teenager, they are the teachers, of responsibility to youngsters. They are the living teddy bear of your childhood, the smelly blanket attached to your fist as you suck your thumb. They are sunshine up your ass.

Ok thats it... I'm done talking about Giselle. This chapter is closed. My heart hurts.

Homestead Renovations

Rave (left) Ellie (right) Appreciating me... because I am the best horse mom ever. 

What a great weekend for getting things done. My mom babysat Watts for Friday and Saturday night so the hubster and I used it to our advantage to really get some things done around the homestead. We needed to fix the footing in the run in shed for the horses.

James in the tall grass before mowing.

The hubster went and had 4 yards of gravel delivered to our house. In our driveway. The run in shed is about 4000 feet away. The hubster put a tarp in the bed of the truck and manually shoveled gravel into it and then I would let him through the gate into the field and he would back up the run in shed and the both of us would pull the tarp into the run in shed and spread the gravel. It was not an easy job.

 After about 5 loads we had some decent footing. The hubster then spread the rest out in our driveway to make it look like a real driveway instead of a patch of dirt to park the cars. Every time I went out to check on him his only comments were "I hate rocks, I never want to see a rock again, this is really hard, and I don't mind manual labor"

 While he was spreading and hauling rocks I had James strapped to the front of me in the baby bijorn and mowed the tall grass in the horse field. James loved it, and I loved it too because I was killing two birds with one stone. The horse field looked like Kentucky blue grass by the time I was done running down the weeds and tall grass.

After that we piled into the truck and went shopping for my wedding anniversary gift. Four stall mats, a 6' gate and two posts. We put the stall mats over the stone in the run in shed, and are going to install the gate from our property to the horse field. Currently, I just cut the wire fence and am holding it in place with bungee cords. It's embarrassing.

I also had the horse dentist come out to float Ellie's teeth. It's an interesting process. The dentist has files that fit over the back teeth and he files them down so that they grind evenly. It looks barbaric, but Ellie just stood there on a loose lead rope while he did it. I was amazed... I think she actually appreciated it. Meanwhile, Pony Raven was going into the dentist bucket and pulling out tools for him to use. She wanted to help, and was two inches from Ellie's face the whole time.

Last night I was outside and the hubster noticed an animal sitting in the dark.. a calico kitten.... I called for her to come up and eat some food. She was wild but gradually came up to eat, and then let me pet her. She was skin and bone and maybe about 6 months old. An ugly cat, but very sweet.

This morning when I went out to feed the horses she was hiding in the bushes. I called her over and she came scampering up to eat and again came for some love scratches. Am I becoming a cat lady? On top of this we have taken in one of my moms cats... Wicker. We don't let her in the house because she is notorious for hacking up hair balls, pooping and peeing in the house. She is very happy to be here though and sleeps on our porch. She was not thrilled to be sharing with "Kit" as I have named her. Short for Kitten.  She hisses at her, but then lets her eat.

Oh my I have so much news..... So then, we have decided to go to England for a week in September for my Uncle Johns 80th birthday. It's a big deal, and may be the last time that my huge family will all be together again. We booked the tickets for the hubster, my mom, James, Watts, and myself to go. It is going to be a problem because I need someone to look after the homestead while we are away. I need someone to feed the horses, chickens, cats, and look after my koi. I put an ad on Craigslist for a farm sitter, and I found a few people that were interested. So problem solved!

Things are working out it seems. We have also been busy moving my mother out of her house of 42 years. It's been very stressful. The dump guy is coming today to take away all the unwanted stuff and then on Thursday the moving guys are coming to move things into storage. So by the end of the month my mom will be officially living here until we find her a new perfect and even better place to live.

I'm looking forward to the end on the move. It's really sad on one hand... the house is in shambles, everything is everywhere, and it is proving hard to put emotions on the back burner. It is a beautiful house, and now that most of the stuff is gone you can really see the bones of the architecture and then all the memories come flooding back to what it used to look like and all the Christmas dinners, Thanksgiving feasts, and birthday parties I had... floating around like a ghost memory.

The only thing that gets me through it the thought that I can find a place that is up to date, with central air, with new appliances, and a landlord that will take care of the house that my mom will move into. She can start fresh with no more stress.

I also won't have to drive an hour to see my mom. She will be right here... no more phone calls every morning, no more worrying about what she's eating, no more concern over helping to upkeep a yard. She will be here, and that's how I want it.

Everything is great right now... my animals are happy and healthy. My family is happy and healthy... and I am happy because everything is running like a well oiled machine. Things are great... for now.

We have a ton of butterflies. All I can think of when I see butterflies is "CHANGE" can be a great thing. 

Off the Grid

I have had enough... of the horse world and industry. It seems the only thing that has ever hurt me worse then boys are women that are in charge of the horses that I work with. I take it all very personally. I can't seem to catch a break. After telling my mom about my anxiety attacks, depression issues, and extreme paranoia, she said it plain like a mom does.

She basically said that I have been trying for the longest time to get into the horse world, enter the cult of people that play with horses. I keep getting spit out. I desperately want to be in it, but they sniff out my flaws and reject me... I'm not good enough, not serious enough, not proffessional enough, not strong enough, not knowledable enough and most importantly I have no money... gotta have lots of money floating around to be taken seriously. She rather I concentrate on my artwork and go back to work as an interior designer. Immediately my brain shut off... I have no confidence in that shit, even though I went to school and excelled in it.

Meanwhile, the horses love me, and I love them...

I am in.... way over my head with the three horses in my field. The two thoroughbreds are hard keepers meaning that being outside 24/7 is not doing them well, they need a stable to sleep in. They lose weight, and their feet start to fall apart out in the open.  They also will not last well in the winter without a proper shelter. I want to keep the pony, she eats less then me a day, is a joy to be around, her feet are hard as rocks, and I love her. She is what is called and easy keeper.

I have decided to find homes for the two thoroughbreds and use the money to pay for the pony. I will have one pony, and that is enough for me. I will keep to myself, stop trying to join the elite, and rubbing shoulders with horse experts, they are clearly too good for me.

I have also decided to get away from face book. I need to make some real friends, not watch the lives of people that I once enjoyed the company of. My true friends will call me on the phone, or email me. The others can roll down the mountain with my ego.

Then I will slowly pull away from society and become a hermit.

Just me and Raven (the pony) sipping some brandy down by the river growing old together with signs on our backs for people to go fuck themselves.
Sounds like a dream.

A not so good month....

That is a lot of mud.... 

When it rains it pours... literally. I never really thought about the weather so much or how it can change time. It has rained consistantly for the last three weeks. Almost every night we have thunderstorms with scattered down pours so strong that a tidal wave comes pouring off the roof.

It wouldnt make a difference to me... except for the fact that since I moved three horses into the field next to my house, it has done nothing... but rained. I have a tiny run in shelter for them, which two of them stand in, and one of them does not. The option is there, I can't force her into the house.... it's her decision to stand all pathetic in the rain.

The rain makes the ground wet like a sponge, and the horses are beating the crap out of the land with their hooves. Giant patches of deep mud holes filled with water are everywhere from every step that they take. The ground is so soft that they sink up to their ankles in mud.

With water brings mosquitos. The horses are being eaten alive. No matter how much fly spray I put on them, it rains, and washes it off, and once again they are covered in tiny and large bites from green flies, horse flies, you name it. Its a mess.

Since the ground is so wet, I can't ride safely. The ground is too slippery and the footing is too deep. An injury could happen that would cost time and money- totally not worth it for a quick perk of a ride.

Not only am I affected by this, but it effects all sorts of other people too. Take the farmers.... their crops are ruined, (and so are mine by the way). Corn, Soy Beans, wheat, alfalfa... stands in water logged fields of mud. Millions of dollars are washed away, and now produce prices are up!  Glad I'm not a farmer.

On top of this it has affected the barn that I worked at. I say worked at because it closed today. Can't ride in the rain, lessons have been cancelled on and off for a month. Ginger couldn't keep up with the dwindling lesson loss, and has called it quits. I wonder how much of this was due to the rain. Rain certainly does bring a depression of sorts.

Meanwhile, I'm here now.... jobless, hopeless.... just biding my time and thinking of a time when I used to jump in my car and go riding every night with my friends before all this happened. Now, it's like a dark cloud has come over, shit on everything, and tossed a bill at us for cleanup.

Rain Rain go away..... you ruined every thing in my day.

Learning Lessons

I have just been given a great lesson about horses that I was not taught at summer riding camp, or working in the barns. You don't learn this lesson till you have to take care of your own horse all by yourself.

I thought that when I moved three horses into the field next to my house that it would be free. Free land, to put three free horses. All I would have to do is provide water and the occasional vet bills, farrier, and dentist. They would just eat grass and it would be affordable.

The first big expense was to divide the field in half. The lower half had openings in the fence, and was too overgrown to mow, and it was very wet and swampy. I needed an electric fence. I needed to get a Solar Fence charger because it was too far away from our garage to supply electricity. I had to research the fence how to put it up, get the fence tape, and grounding rod, and boom I had fence.

This all cost about $350-$400. And this was a cheap alternative to getting real fence put up. As I drive by horse barns now I notice their PVC, or wooden fence. How did they afford that? Your looking at about $1,500- $10,000 in materials and labor to have a real fence. I never thought about fence before, it had always just been there.

Next, I had to focus on the grass... was there any poisonous plants? Was the grass too rich? Was there any holes from groundhogs? After a week of the horses living in the field, they started to drop weight. How could they be losing weight so fast if they are constantly eating grass? I have poor quality grass that has lots of weeds, it clearly wasn't enough to keep their weight on.

 I would never had known this otherwise... every place I worked at always just put their horses in the field, and then in the morning they were fed grain, hay, and supplements and then they were fed again in the PM. I never thought about horse food before... never realized that even though these horses were turned out to pasture that it wouldn't be enough for them.

So I had to go and buy bags of horse food. I started with regular grain. $12 a bag. After a few days, I noticed it wasn't enough, they weren't gaining weight. I had to give them more food. I decided to add some sweet feed. $12 a bag. I mixed the two together, and was giving them a quarter of a scoop, which went up to a half scoop, which then turned into a whole scoop of food. About 1-2 lbs of food for two horses and a quarter pound for the pony. The bags of food are 50 pounds. About 50 scoops of feed are in each bag. The horses were going through 5 scoops of food a day. After twenty days I needed more food.

After all of this my horses were starting to gain weight except for Giselle the lowest on the pecking order. She eats very slow. Ellie, the other horse would eat her food fast, and then push Giselle off her bucket and then eat her food too. Giselle was only getting about a quarter worth of food, and was losing weight. I decided to add a supplement feed. Empower Balance. $22.79 a bag. It has all the nutritional benefits, and is high in fat. I had to research all the different feeds. Which kind of food would be good for horses in light work that are pastured? I had a few options. I learned about Rice Bran, and Beet Pulp, but decided on the expensive supplement.

Now that Ellie has put on weight due to eating all of Giselle's food, I decided to make a makeshift stall to put Giselle into so the other two brats wouldn't eat her food. I put up some posts and made a box with some poly tape. Giselle can finally eat her food in peace.

Now I have them all figured out with the feed, and they all have their special diet plans.

Today I spent $42 on 150 lbs of horse feed that will last about 20-30 days (hopefully)

There is no such thing as a free horse. They all cost money.

A month: for three horses
$42 horse feed

and then in the winter I'm going to have to give them hay which is $5-6 a bale. They will go through about one-two bales a day. Lets just say $10 a day. $70 a week $280 a month....

If I had stalls I would need bedding not sure how much that would cost for straw or shavings.

And this is just the start.
I need a truck to haul the stray and hay before winter comes, and a trailer to haul my horses to shows, or trails, or clinics.
A good used trailer is about $6,000-12,000.
And a truck with a V8 engine and tow package strong enough to haul a horse trailer. New is $20-30,000. Used in poor condition $2,000.

To board a horse it costs about $350-600 a month.

And here I thought boarding a horse was really overpriced. You wonder why these barns charge an arm and a leg to care for your horse.

The horse world is a money pit, and I really didn't understand the costs of running a business till I watched my boss Ginger struggle with the payments every month.

I don't know why we never learned about this at camp, or at the barn. I think that should be a lesson for the kids when they ride... they should know how expensive it is to keep horses. They need a lot of care and they eat a lot of food and they are delicate creatures that need a lot of time, and medical care.

It's been a wonderful experience, and I suppose I'm really lucky to have learned this before trying to start a business. In order to have horses you need to have a lot of cash just floating around- nothing about horses is free.

How to win the trust of a horse.

I just had a Monty Roberts kind of break through. Two weeks ago I had three horses put into the field next to my house. It then rained, poured and made my field into a sponge. I was beside myself... The two horses that I had in the field are in constant training, and I could not ride them.

To pass the time I groomed them, watched their behavior, and worked on trust games. My little pony Raven is a five year old baby, and to challenge her trust I would jump on her back with no bridle, no helmet, no saddle and sit on her back while she ate grass. She acted as if there was nothing wrong with this situation. I was waiting for her to bolt, drop her shoulder and dump me to the ground. Instead, Ellie, her lover came over and would nudge my leg, as if to say, "Get off my girlfriend"

Giselle is my other project horse. Ginger bought her from Camelot Auction house. We had no idea how this horse moved, where she came from, and we didn't test ride her. The day had come when she was at the Stable with us, and I was to ride her. She was nervous, and quick. It took all of my strength to calm my nerves, to keep this horse from taking off and bucking me off. She kicked, she bucked, she was a hot mess to ride. I was scared of her, and was a full hot horse full of nervous scared energy.

Over a month I gradually worked with this horse. She still bucked at the canter enough to throw any beginner rider to the ground. I kept my heel planted and my leg on her and rode her through the bucking. Still, I was nervous to ride this horse. Ginger had an acupuncturist come in, to do her magic. After a few days, I went to ride her once again. Still the same horse. I was terribly disappointed, but held strong to my hope. I had to think back to when I hated to ride little Raven, and then one day she turned a corner and became a joy to ride. I learned from this that with consistent slow work one day it seems to click with these horses. My second ride was better, and then she threw a shoe.

Now I have Giselle in my field. I had all of her shoes pulled and her feet looked at. She is now barefoot. I don't know much about her.... her health background or who owned her before me... She is a Thoroughbred off the track. She has had two wins. She is by no means a loser. She has won $20,000 in winnings. What happened to this horse? The more I found out about her the more I tried to win her over. I wanted her to trust me.

She was head shy- I couldn't touch her head without her thinking that I was going to hurt her in some way. This was a sign to be gentle, no matter what this horse does wrong. I touched her face all over... over and over again, to the point where now, she knows... that I will never ever put a hard hand to her body or face. When I come to her she walks up to me, and places her whole head into my body. She relaxes like a Golden Retriever and lets me hold her head for a massage of the for head, and kisses to the muzzle. Then on cue Raven will be nickering at my rump, asking me to love her too. I have been accepted as the head of the pack. They follow me around with their heads bowed low, and trust me to groom them with out being tied up. They stand still while I brush their legs and face.... they enjoy my company. I don't have to raise my voice, yet, with a stern voice I can tell one to go away, or one to stand better for me and they obey. I have respect from these enormous animals.

Tonight was magic.

I had received some terrible news, and was very stressed out. I was itching to get a release in some way. I knew that riding was the only way to calm my nerves and to get my mind off of the tragic news. I decided that tonight was the night that I was going to ride in the field. I wanted to ride Raven, because she was a safe bet... yet, I have no bridle that fits her yet... My bridle fits Ellie and Giselle. This morning I lunged Giselle to check the footing. It seemed hard enough.... and she was having no problems going around on the uneven grass. I grabbed my saddle, helmet, bridle, and marched out to the field determined to get something done.

I put Ellie on the other side of the fence this morning. She has separation anxiety, and the only way to rid her of this is to separate her. She had finally calmed down. I grabbed Giselle, and without even putting a halter on her I put my saddle on her, she stood like a rock. No kicking. I held her head and asked her for one huge favor.... "Please give me a nice ride... please don't buck me off, I am so stressed out... I really need you to make me happy...." She bowed her head into my chest, and took the bit happily. I took one last breath and threw my leg over the saddle. I was on ..... here we go.... this should be interesting. Raven was loose in the field with us, and followed us at the walk for a couple minutes before she relized that Giselle was a working girl right now... she got bored and wandered over to the run in shed, and stood in there as if it was a stall. Watching.... Meanwhile, Ellie was trotting up and down the fence line calling out to Giselle.... Giselle ignored her- almost as if to say, "Shut up! I'm working!"

I was able to put my leg on her, no kicking.... or ears pinned. She did a nice slow trot, not the usual extreme stride bouncy, uncomfortable urgent trot that I was used to. Am I on the right horse? I was able to do a wonderful sitting trot figure eights, Giselle went right onto the bit, collected up on a loose light rein... she was ready for the deadly canter. Do I dare ask her to do this? I was envisioning her to pinn her ears, give a huge buck and gallop uncontrolably down the field over the fence and dump me next to Ellie. I was expecting it. This is something Giselle would do. I asked her... "ARe you ready to Canter?" and with that she picked up a canter, a slow controlled canter bending effortlessly around the circle I had made up in the field. It was comfortable, I could have ridden her at the buckle of my reins. And then I noticed that her ears were perked forward... was she actually liking this? YES! She was happy, to do this for me. I asked for the walk, and she responded. I walked her down to the bottom of the field. There is a slight hill going up to the end of it. I was going to see if I could control her on this. I asked her to come to a stop at the bottom, and then asked her to "Canter!" and she took off up the hill in a wonderful controlled hand gallop, within seconds we were at the top. She circled, balanced, bending.... and then when I asked her to halt she slowed down and came to a dead stop. She gave out a big sigh.

It went on like this for the next 15 minutes. Walk down to the bottom, canter to the top, circle, stop. It was the best ride I have had in a while. I jumped off her.... I took the saddle off, and the bridle, and with a huge Thank you, I wrapped my arms around her next. her head went limp on my shoulder, she was hugging me back... I pulled away and her eyes were closed. That is one... happy relaxed horse. She opened them slowly. "Thank you! For that my sweet girl... you are amazing!" Then Raven came galloping out of the run in shed and demanded that I too tell her how amazing she was for staying put in her "stall"... The breeze had picked up... I stood there with my two favorite girls... Both demanding my love, and me absorbing every moment with both of them.

I am a horse trainer.... I know that I have a special gift for animal behavior. I took a pony that is as stubborn as a mule and made her into a a wannabe show pony. I took a scared, abused off the track race horse and made her into an event prospect. I did this in under two months.... and all it took was lots of ground time with them. I spent lots of time hanging out with them as if I was one of them. I spend a half hour every night grooming them, massaging them, scratching their itchy spots, and treating them as if I were another horse...I just look different.

I don't think enough people take the time it takes to gain the trust of their horses. They are too busy breaking them.... throwing devices on them to make them do things that are un natural to them. They work them too hard too fast. They do things the same way for too long.

 I do it differently. I become one of them, I gain their trust, I become their mothers.... I treat them with respect, and I love and care for them as if they are my own kids. I feed them well, I give them fresh clean water, I make sure they are comfortable. That's all horses want... They want to be free, they want to be horses, they will take your love and turn it to gold. They are quick to forgive, but will remember the day you harm them.

Like I said, it can't be a fluke that I just won over two horses... I must be doing something right.

Poison Ivy

Poison Ivy from Batman... if only this is what it looked like in the field, I would have no problem finding her. 

Poison Ivy the plant... looks like every single plant growing in my yard.

It's green and has leaves.....

I just came into contact with some Poison Ivy. I can't find it anywhere. Thankfully the hubster didn't come into contact with it, he has a tendency to turn into a giant swollen blister it's disgusting.

 I on the other hand don't get blisters. I get something that looks like a heat rash, and a raised tuft of skin with small bumps that weep.

So, how does one get Poison Ivy even though they can't find it anywhere in the garden? I thought at first it was Ron my cat... who came running in from outside and gave me a nice cuddle. I have it all over the inside of my arms which almost outlines the cat that I was cradling.

However, now I have it on the tip of my nose on my cheeks, on my stomach, on my legs, and a few patches on my shoulder blades.

Ron didn't touch most of these places.... and I was exposed to more areas after I gave him a bath. Who could be the culprit?? Nobody else seems to have poison Ivy... just me.... and then I started to realize...

I was out in the field last night grooming the horses. First Giselle, and then Raven came up and was rubbing her muzzle all over my neck and my back, especially the shoulder area, and then when I went to ride Ellie bare back I felt my shirt lift up and my belly touched her coat.... exactly where the poison ivy is.

And who do I make facial contact with? Raven. Raven gets so many kisses.... which would explain why my lips are swollen.

Do horses get poison Ivy? Raven has strange looking marks all over her muzzle. So....

Yes. They are up to their arm pits in it... out in the field. Now I have it, and I'm in hell. My face is so itchy. I wash my face with dishwasher detergent every half hour and then cover myself in calamine lotion. My skin is taking a beating.

Please be careful of your pets fur this summer! I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with my animals this summer without constantly coming into contact with the Ivy. I suppose I could go and find it....but first I would have to identify it, and that seems to be impossible.... I suck at plant identification almost as much as speaking another language.

Giselle

"I'LL SHOW YOU NUTS!!! How to Train a Crazy Horse"
By Liz


Ginger got me a new horse to work with a week ago. We went to Auction and Ginger spotted this really lovely looking chestnut (orange in color) horse eating hay very quietly. I thought it was a nice horse too... but I think all horses are nice. 

"She's a little over the knee" says Ginger as she stares down this mare. (girl horse). "I have no idea what that means" "Her knee is over the front of her leg, her conformation is not great... but she sure is pretty"

We left before we even saw the pretty horse run around... all we saw of it was... it eating some hay. 
Ginger bought her a few days later. 
We go to pick her up. A man in his 70's comes out of his trailer hut, bow legged, wearing old man jeans, boots, a hat... blazing blue eyes, with crows feet from the sun. You can tell this guy has been around the block a few times. 
"Now... this horse has been returned twice now... she's too much horse for the last two people, she also jumped out of the pen, she sure likes to jump, do you have a good rider?" Ginger just smiles, and replies "yup" I'm sitting there like an idiot not knowing what to think... 

We get the horse on the truck and bring her home. 
My mind is racing. Who is the good rider going to be? I can't wait to watch this person ride the crazy horse! Turns out... this horse is for me. I named her "Giselle" originally I was thinking Gazelle.... but now it's after the ballet called "Giselle". Her show name is "Peasant Girl". 

I waited a few days, and the day had come, I was going to hop on my new horse that is crazy! Whooo can't wait to die. 

To make a long story short. I didn't die. But Giselle does have many issues. One being cross ties. (Ropes that clip onto the horses collar to keep it still while you brush and put stuff on it) 
She hates them, and told us this by kicking a huge hole in the wall. 
Now she gets groomed and tacked up in the ring. She loves to eat grass while being brushed, she is an angel. 
Next, she hates people on her back that own a pair of legs. If you touch her with your heel, she pins her ears back and kicks, or bucks. 
Someone has done something terrible to this girl. Maybe spurs? Maybe kicked the crap out of her.... it's either pain, or fright. 

Next, she hates to run left. She thinks this sucks and likes to give a nice big buck. It doesnt bother me... I think it's cute. 
Anyway, a week later, I have the kicking down to a minimum, and the bucking seems to happen from discomfort which we are still looking into, or balance issues. The great thing about auction horses, is that they are a mystery. 
I jumped her last night. She sure likes to jump. I figure I might as well be a little crazy with her. Let her act out, be as bad as she wants, and all she's going to get in return is a ton of love and praise. She gave a few good bucks last night, and then scared herself... thinking that she was about to get a beat down... nope, nothing but "Thats it? That was cute, c'mon let's ride now, enough of this silly stuff, we are here to have FUN!" And with that, her ears perked forward and she sailed me over a jump.
I jumped off, gave her a hug and kick, and she closed her eyes as if to say. 

I'm home. 

Am I too old?

I sit here at the age of 32 and am filled with passion. I have finally found what I want to do with my life. I know what I am good at, have mental soundness and am in great physical condition to do it along with this feeling of drive.

Why couldn't I have felt this when I was 12? I could be at the Olympics by now if I had this sort of feeling.

Why did it take so long?
I wasted so much time watching TV, going to school for the wrong thing... twice, working small jobs with no ladder in site, laying in bed depressed, pumping my body full of harmful chemicals, and beating my Ego up with the constant supply of negative thoughts.

Biggest regret so far is taking too damn long to know myself.

I want to be an Event Rider (a person that does dressage, stadium jumping, and cross country jumping, it's like being a triple threat) , a horse trainer, and an instructor. On the side I will be a writer and an illustrator.... and I guess a mom and wife, farmer, goat herder, chicken breeder, painter, violin playing belly dancer.

The number one problem with this is... of course.  money. I have none of my own. I need that to take the classes. I then need a horse that can handle eventing, and then I need to trailer to events, and pay for them. Not to mention pay for lessons from a top notch trainer... All of which is too expensive.

I could still be a trainer and instructor though. I just need insurance, and I would like to get certified. These are also expensive. In a time where many people can barely pay for their horses feed... why on earth would they want to pay for a private lesson from me? Why would they pay a trainer fee for me to play with their horse?

 Because I'm good... that's why. I want to be the best in the business! I want to have my writing published in the Chronicle of the Horse. If I believe in myself then people will invest in me.

 Yet, I know myself now... and I know that I can also fizzle out once I hit a brick wall. A Large bucket of Water can easily be dumped on my fire.

However, I have never felt a fire this large before.... could it be a forest fire by chance?
Will it take helicopters and magic to put it out?
I hope so.
Like I said, I get what I want... if I really want it. I'm going to have to work hard, study, and be patient.

Patients.... one of my worst qualities... I have none.
NOW NOW NOW! screams my brain and heart.

I want it all now. I suppose that's what makes me stronger then most. I have never been given a horse. I have never been handed a silver platter. I earned those things myself. So when I do get them I appreciate them and love them... because I worked hard for it. I never got anything NOW... I had to wait.... forever... and I'm too proud to take hand outs- it's all business with me. Nothing is free in my world. Nothing.

Anyway, I'm going to have to work hard for this. It may even be impossible. I'm going to try though, and if I fail, at least I can talk about it. I have nothing to lose.

If I succeed though... well then my wildest dreams will have come true. And I can talk about it on the Chronicle of Horse! Or my new book, and I can illustrate about it! Because I'm doing everything I said would happen PLUS MORE!
I'm so excited.... my heart is beating, I know I am alive.... Sky is the limit.

And....You lucky people get to sit back and watch it all unfold. Go ahead... there will be no "I told you so's.... I'm going to do it. You can't stop me. It's going to happen you know.

And with that, I'm off to research and call a few people. The hubster is not going to like this blog... I can already tell.

My sketch book is full of this now

Silly Pony, flowers are fake!

I drew this after I witnessed a pony try to eat a jump this weekend in a clinic.

"Finally a lunch break!" thought the pony as he came up for the jump. Meanwhile, the horses waiting in line are laughing at him, "Yo WILBER! Check out the new guy! Hes eating the jumps!" Says stud muffin.
All the horses giggled and mocked the silly pony. He didn't know any better, after all- he was a western pleasure pony. Why jump over flowers when you can eat them??, he thought to himself. He was no dummy... till he tasted them and realized they were fake. Oh my... I really am a dummy!. Poor little pony. Good thing his mom trailered him here, how embarrassing! 

My first week back in the saddle.

I did not draw this... This is a Norman Thelwell cartoon... he died in 2004 and was an amazing pony cartoonist. He is from England, and worked for Punch magazine. He is one of my favorite artists.

Thelwell Website

It has been about five years since I have consistently rode a horse. I was surprised at how quickly my muscle memory came back. My body knows what to do but is lacking the muscle to keep me in place. I am , after a week, starting to get my muscle back in all the right places so that I can stay put in one place and let loose in another. Without my muscle I am gripping everywhere just to stay still and am overcompensating by using my hands or lower leg. Riding looks easy, but every muscle is involved from your head down to your heal.

Last night I rode a horse named Ellie. I also rode her on Sunday. She has been ridden a handful of times since coming to Snap Dragon Stables. I brought her in from the field and hooked her up to the cross ties.. She immediately started to dance and weave nervously all over the place.

Horses are herd animals. They can't be by themselves. Ellie has made friends with a horse named Lucy, and they are best buds. Ellie was freaking out without Lucy by her side. One of the barn girls brought Lucy in while I brushed Ellie and tried to get her tacked up. She was very upset... but I was reassured that she would be fine in the ring. My favorite saying is "bad in the barn, good in the ring" I was hoping this would be true this time.

Ellie is a teenager, and must have been a show horse at some point. She was a little stiff at first, but was very quiet at the trot. She didn't pull anything sneaky, and responded well to my leg. A tap with my left heal and she drifted right. This old mare had some training, and she was letting me know about it.

Her attention soon left Lucy, and within moments we were dancing. I was Ellie's new partner in crime. No toes were being stepped on and we glided across the ring in sync. Both of us having something in common. Out of shape, old girls, diamonds in the rough, wanting to dazzle each other with our skills.

I dismounted, and Ellie nudged me, head held low, calm, relaxed, a low snort (a comforting relaxed sound a horse makes).  This was a completely different horse then what I had brought out of the barn.

The next day I was to ride her again. I brought her into the barn and hooked her up. I started to brush her... and then it dawned on me... she wasn't like this yesterday. She was skipping and sashaying every which way... but  today, she stood like a rock, watching me, listening to me as I gabbed to the girls. Could she possibly remember me?

I saddled her up and walked out to the ring. We started to work, and already she was much better then the previous day. She was loose, more limber, more agile, and more graceful. She floated, extended, collected, bended and responded as if she had been in serious training for months. Ginger, the owner was watching. "I heard she can jump" No need to ask... let's get the jumps set up.

Ginger set up the course, and soon I was trotting up to my first cross rail on a horse that nobody has seen jump... Ellie could see the jump coming and turned into a Porshe... wanting to gallop down the line... me holding her back, collecting her up, keeping her straight and focused without getting in her way. She sailed over the jump... no problem. She liked it, and so did I. We did it a few more times, and it became less sloppy every time. Could I ask her to bend this hard at a canter? I didn't know, I asked, and she happily responded... bending sharply, while collected and balanced she sailed over the jumps. This was no spring chicken. This was my new fancy girl!!

She is my new Bestie... this is what I love about horses. I can always find something in common with them. It sounds cliche... but riding is very much like dancing. Some dance partners have no rhythm and step on your toes and it takes time to get on the same page. While others are like your right arm, they are just meant to be there at your side.

I'm excited, I feel like a kid again. I got fire in my belly, and energy in my step... I wonder what Ellie is doing right now... I wonder if she feels sore from yesterday, or happy to be back into work... I think horses like to be worked, and praised. I hope so anyway. I know I do.

It's raining today, I don't think we will be dancing tonight. That's ok though- I have time.

Positive Thinking Brings Positive Things

I am so excited it might as well be Christmas! No... scratch that, I hate Christmas... I'm just so excited. My face hurts from smiling cause I never do it.

I have been checking out this riding academy down the road from my house (about 2 miles away) for about a month now. I made friends with them on face book and look at the pictures on their website longingly... and dream about one day of riding a horse again.... I kept telling myself that I couldn't ride because I couldn't leave the kids for more then two hours. I was still breast feeding James, and I didn't want him to be formula fed.

Anyway, guess what bitches?!?! Jbone no longer needs me. He is a big boy and eating real food, and he has two teeth coming in, which tells me that my services are done. YeeHAAAA....

So the Stable posted last night on facebook that they were in need of a working hand, someone to help out around the barn in the evening. Say what? The evening? I can do evenings now. The hubster gets home from work and all he needs to do is eat dinner and put the boys to bed. I wouldn't be a bad mother if I worked nights. Everything was pointing to me to do this. Ride horses, get paid, be happy, not miss out on raising the boys. AND the hubster said it was OK.

I didn't even have to think about it, I just automatically wrote the stable a letter telling them my wants and needs, and within 5 minutes I had a reply to come on by the following day. I just went for my interview to check out the stable.

Its a cute little ten stall barn with 13 horses, mostly rescues. They teach lessons to little kids to adults. There is an outdoor ring with good footing and a small indoor ring. The lady that runs it is awesome. She is young and not ugly. Rare in the horse world. It isn't snobby, and everyone I spoke to was normal. I'm normally shy, and won't know what to say to people... and end up sweating and drooling a little and then will blurt something out inappropriate... not this time. I had this in the bag. I was confident, and told good stories, and introduced myself to everyone. "Hi, I'm Liz... I'm amazing, and you are?" It was like I was standing outside of my body and watching this God walk around, and it was me.

Horses are the only thing I have confidence in... so I took charge and left with a whole week of riding for free to get my core and legs back in shape with the potential to work there training and teaching when money starts rolling in. I tried not to look like this was the best deal of my life. I just smiled and said I would see her tomorrow. Inside though... my little head? Was the fourth of July. My heart was beating for the first time since I had James, and my hands and face were frozen solid, I couldn't wait to get back into the car.

I'm so excited I'm shaking... mostly from the cold it was so cold there that I thought at one point I could have easily snapped my finger off. I was going to call my mom and dad to tell them the news, but they don't care about me and horses... They can just read this instead.

AND at 3:00 today we are going to pick out some new family members. (chicks)

Me on "Moon" right before I started dating the hubster. Last horse I had in 2007?. 

It feels good to be happy, I should try this more often. Sure beats depression.

Wild woman

My first riding lesson with Caroline

 I was a small kid that didn't do well in school. My parents agreed to hold me back in first grade under the guidance of Lisa Sherman my first grade teacher. Little did these adults know that this would pretty much destroy all of my confidence and set me up for another five years of constant ridicule and endless questions of "Why do you have the same teacher again, are you dumb?" I was now the older child in my classroom which gave me a one up to be the toughest, fastest, strongest most athletic kid which allowed me thankfully to be able to stick up for myself. Yet I was still the dumbest one in the class next to Geoffrey BeeBee who couldn't tie his shoes and was called "bubble butt" and was hated by my third grade teacher. She was a horrible woman and I think Geoffrey might have needed to be in special ed. 

Looking back on it... I wasn't dumb. I was bright... my teachers always had a fondness for me, or maybe they just felt sorry for me? I will never know. What I really needed was extra attention and someone to teach me differently than how I was being taught. I needed visual aids, and lot's of repetition. I needed someone to hold my hand through math problems and ask me questions like, Does 1 + 1 = 5? Think about this one... I did everything way too fast. My first grade teacher took tape and put it on my seat, and made me sit on it... because I kept getting up with the wrong answers. She would always tell me to just "slow down and think."

"Slow down and think" followed me everywhere.

My mom took me to our local Stable. Ashford Farm in Miquon, Pennsylvania when I was eight. She thought it would help my confidence to control a large animal.

She also put me in Gymnastics, Ice Skating, and Tennis. Nothing like a few backflips on my face,  a few bent rackets and some blisters on my feat to know that this was not for me.

The Riding stuck though. I had one instructor... Betsy Tyler that I liked very much. She would scream at me over the hoof beats of my galloping out of control pony that I was a "crazy wild woman" and to slow my pony down. I loved it. Nothing like flying over fences or getting a stubborn "Diamond Jim" pony to go into the corners of the ring when he really just wanted to follow all the other horses through the middle.

For one hour every Sunday I was not stupid. I was getting something done. I was training the most stubborn ponies in the barn to listen to what I wanted and not to take advantage of me. Sometimes they didn't want to go over the jump and would come to a skidding halt... my first real lesson was that this was not the horses fault. It was my fault. I did something wrong and it was up to me to figure it out, and as a team we would fly over the rails.

This taught me at an early age to stop blaming everyone else for my mistakes. To this day I am quick to blame myself before others.

Later on as I graduated to over night camp in Virginia. It was day in, day out, horses. I learned fast that taking care of horses isn't just riding and looking pretty. Someone needs to feed them, clean them, and care for them. I think I started at New Meadow Farm when I was 11. An awkward age, seeing as my parents just separated. I was an angry little monster... and now I was shoveling horse crap on a farm very far away from my mom. I was not as horse crazy as I thought.

Now I look back and would have died and gone to heaven to play horse all day... but not then... I just wanted my mom.

Can you blame me for missing my mom? She was my only comfort.

It was hard work, and I always tried to be the first one done... with sloppy work my counselors noticed. "Your not done yet, there is still dirt all over his neck", or "I can tell you didn't Lexol that saddle", or "this stall still has a lot of pee in it". Jane was a saint of a person for putting up with me.

After art school I came back to Ashford and worked there in the winter months. It didn't take much to get yelled at by Caroline (the owner)... she would call me a "slacker" which was the ultimate insult. I didn't scrub the buckets well enough, I wasn't moving horses fast enough, I was always the last one done mucking stalls, I had unorthodox way's of cleaning the barn and was told that "you just don't think!"and then I got sick from the dust and ammonia and was kicked by the horses numerous times in the leg from being careless.... I wasn't cut out for this. So what do you do when you suck at something? Go for the Grand Prix... the biggest of the best.

I got a job in Connecticut with a Grand Prix dressage lady. Caroline couldn't wait to get rid of me and gave me an outstanding recommendation. I got the job. I drove to this ladies mansion and with in seconds of seeing this place I knew I was in big trouble.

First off her horses were in her house. There were 12 stalls attached to her mansion with a fully loaded apartment upstairs. She vacuumed the aisles, and she used a fresh bag of ceder chips for every stall- every day. It was spotless and did not smell of horses. Her horses were turned out for one hour a day  and were not to "run" in their paddocks. I was to sit and watch them and stop them if they got too crazy... my first question was "How do you stop a horse that is running?" She hated me, I hated her. She couldn't have them twist an ankle after all... cause then they would be nothing to her. She had video cameras everywhere and would sit in her kitchen and watch me take care of her very badly behaved angry monster horses that would sit and kick at their stall doors while weaving their heads back and forth like mental patients. Her horses were miserable, gorgeous, extremely athletic... and controlled. I felt bad for them, this was no Ashford Farm where the horses were as happy as the kids riding them.

I lasted three days. The bitch of a woman came in and told me I was done because her pony bit me and I yanked on his halter and told him to "knock it off!". You can't have horses walk all over you. They need discipline. I happily told her that I was happy to go, thank you for you time, and drove home with no pay and no money to get home. I had to beg the toll guy to let me over the George Washington Bridge because I had no money to pay him. He didn't argue, he could see my red eyes full of tears. I was desperate.

I waited a week... before I called Ashford. Caroline quietly said that she would never give me a recommendation again. Julie Sollomon had called her to tell her that I was one of the worst people that she had ever employed. That evil horrible woman had ended my horse career without even knowing me or how much I loved horses. Caroline was rightfully embarrassed. I couldn't defend myself. It had gone horribly wrong, I was way in over my head. I knew nothing about Grand Prix Dressage. It was terrible and had caused a great amount of pain and ruined yet another piece of my dignity and self esteem.

I have dreams at least once a week about Ashford... As a child I always looked up to Caroline and I always wanted her approval... but I disapointed her and this makes me feel sick inside. She was my key to the horse world... and now it is gone. This was way worse then being called stupid, or having rocks thrown at your face. This shattered my world. No amount of therapy has fixed it. It still haunts me to this day. I took a chance, and it went wrong. Now the only thing I can do is get some horses of my own. This won't stop me... it never did. I learned a great lesson. Will it stop me from taking another chance at something... certainly NOT!.

Anyway, this isn't the first story you will hear from me about utter failure. My mom once said after my tenth attempt of stupidity.. "why do you keep setting yourself up for failure?" She said this before I was about to enter myself into a swim suit competition. I have no boobs, and a boys body... I came in last place... she knew this was a dumb idea... why didn't I?  I am full of stories like this one. But how will you learn?. Life is a pony, if they dont want to jump... its your fault. "Get over it" , literally and mentally.

This is from a video of my riding... I like mid-air shots. 

This was my first time on a horse with my Aunt Leelia. which is a whole other story all together. 

My first horse show on "Lily" age 9.

Me at camp age 11 with "Leonard". 

camp a few years later with "Badger" I loved this little pony. Notice how clean my tack is. 

I loved to canter... I literally was thinking I was a "wild woman"

My first horse lease. "Pippin" . The holes are from being placed in my binder at school... I loved this horse more than McDonalds. And that says a lot. I still name everything "Pippin" R.I.P old buddy.