Its all bad.

I havent had a single second to write my blog today. I normally write this in the morning, but I willingly gave my computer over to the hubster so he could do our tax's. He kept asking me where stuff was filed, and if it wasnt there, it was my fault. I love that game. He is currently yelling at me because I told him that the movie that he was enjoying is total crap. (Train spotting with Ewan McGregor). I have heard good things about it... but I'm not much of a fan of negative movies. It started with him injecting this girl with heroin and in the background is a baby. I don't like that one bit. It makes me want to rip my hair out. He turned it off. I think he does that to make me feel bad. He is a people pleaser. I am not... so I don't care that he is no longer enjoying the movie. I didnt tell him to turn it off, that was of his own free will. So now he is watching "Workaholics" which is a much better show. I quietly think it's funny. We are all much happier now. I just saved us both from a bad night.
Anyway, I think the hubster is addicted to watching anything that makes me feel terrible. If I stick around while he watches TV I have terrible dreams and sleep walk. One time I found myself hovering over James just making sure he was alive. It turned out that he was.

 It's the same with his music selection. It's better since I met him, but at first it was all very angry, lots of yelling. Meanwhile, I'm listening to Bob Marley and hugging trees and talking to my animal friends. I think Ace Ventura is my alter ego even though I despise Jim Carey. He is not funny, funny looking yes... but not funny. I think talking about movies is boring.  I shall stop now.

Anyway, I made veggie pizza the other night using my home made dough. It smelled amazing. I'm a pizza eater.. I have eaten some amazing pizza, this was not one of them. This healthy eating is starting to get to me. I am not enjoying my health bread. I have never liked whole wheat bread.

We made eggplant parm sandos tonight but didn't have rolls, so we used the rest of that pizza dough. It made for a nice roll. It was still too healthy for my taste though. It tasted like the health bread at Subway. I like to splurge on Saturdays with a cheese steak or a pizza or a hoagie. This will be the second weekend that I have gone without a treat. I'm feeling a little moody. It's like going without cake on your birthday. The only upside is that I am losing half a pound a day now. I am now the same weight I was before I got pregnant with my first kid. I havent had any white sugar since January 14th. I havent had a drink of alcohol since around the same time. I would kill for a beer.... The Hubster wont get me any, and I refuse to go to the beer store. I feel like a hick buying it. I like to pour my beer into a glass and sip it slowly like wine... mmm.... its like coffee in the morning , only it's night time. Anyway, instead I have this in my fridge. No beer, but we have cabbage! I love purple cabbage. Did you know that purple vegetables are packed with all sorts of good stuff?

Every Saturday we go to produce junction and get this for the week. This all costs around $30. 

We got this bread from ALDI, it was one of the worst things I have ever put in my mouth (number one on the list is Mango Chutney). I told my mom and dad that it was awesome... just to see their reactions. My mom needed to swish her mouth out after, havent seen her run that fast in a while... My dad on the other hand ate almost half of it saying it was great with cheese. He says the pumpernickle is way better. I will no longer trust his opinion on anything when it comes to taste testing.

Here is my whole wheat dough. Smells great, but tastes like the health bread from Subway.

spinach, kale, basil, broccoli, tomato, red pepper, onion, sauce and cheese.  Before going in the oven.

After. The crust was bleh, and the cheese sucked because I ran out of mozzerella and had to grate up some swiss, which tasted like feet. Overall I would give this pizza a 3 out of 10. You know it's bad when your two year old spits it out.

So this is what I'm eating... and what I really want right now is some crap ( that will make me double over in pain and give me the farts for a few hours) just so my brain can shut off for a second and bask in pleasure. But then I know I will feel terrible... not worth it.

The whole point of this healthy eating was that it was not a diet. I'm going to bed hungry, and feeling angry that my food tastes boring. It doesnt have to be that way. I think it's the lack of meat. I need to find some better vegetarian dishes. 

Fresh Homemade Bread at 8 am.

FOOD PORN by Liz. 

I'm still recouping after one of the worst days ever. So to treat myself I have made some fresh bread and my usual morning fruit and veggie juice.

 Let me start by saying that bread is not that easy to make. I was very skeptical about doing it. All the homemade bread that I had tasted sucked. It was bland, chewy and meaty. (My brother went through a faze of making fancy health breads in his bread machine). AND it took too long, way too much effort for my lazy butt. My mom would come over and be like "why don't you bake your own bread you little tree hugger you?" And by the way she never said that, she's British and was more like, "why don't you have any bread? I'm hungry- I used to make bread all the time, it's easy -even you couldnt screw it up!" She didnt say that either, but that's what I heard.

I was trying to cut out bread and was using whole grain tortillas to make Watt's Peanut Butter and Jelly Sando's,  burritos , quesidias and tacos... I love you mr tortilla, such a wonder.

 But this didn't stand a chance with my English mother who eats pretty much a loaf of white bread a day. So I thought about it, and thought about it some more, and was like. "No it's a pain in the ass". But then my father started making fancy breads.

The deal with my dad is that he gets into "hobby mode" as I like to call it. He does everything from the book exactly as they tell him to do it, and the product is almost always perfect. like a week and $500 worth of supplies later... and then I get to sit back and listen to him blather on about how making bread is the new black.

So anyway, now my dad was making bread and telling me I gotta try it. Which made me really not want to do it, cause everything he does is a pain and takes too much effort and fancy gear. Until he brought over one of his loafs. It was still warm and looked as if he had stolen it from Panera. (a really nice Bread store). AND not only did he trick me into eating his bread but he also brought me a 15 page print out of how to make bread the easy way. So I took that 15 pages and cut it down to one page and did it my own way. The really easy way. Keep in mind, this bread is super bland and tastes like oatmeal. Its bland because you put tasty things on it like peanut butter or jelly or an egg. Let the food be the taste. Here is the recipe on the side of my King Arthur Bread Bag. If you don't want to read the directions, you can just skip to the pictures below. The directions are boring to read, even for me. 

Oatmeal Sandwich Bread:

3 cups of King Arthur Flour

1 cup old fashioned oats

2 Tablespoons of butter (I don't use butter)

1 1/2 teaspoons salt (I don't use salt)

3 Tablespoons of honey or brown sugar ( I use my local honey)

2 teaspoons  or 1 packet of active or instant yeast

1 1.4 cup luke warm milk ( I use 1 cup hot almond milk and 1 cup hot water) 

3/4 cup raisins ( I havent tried this yet)

As you can see I make it my own. I never like to follow the sheep off the cliff. I found with the first batch of bread that it was too dry and clumpy, I needed to add more water in order for it to be like dough,( like soft moist dough you see Pizza makers flipping around). 

Ok now get a big bowl and mix this together. I like to knead it with my hands so I can feel the consistency of it. May I suggest you take your rings off for this... what a mess. I knead it into a ball and then put it back into the bowl and let it rise for an hour. Then I knead it again, line the bowl with saran wrap and then put my dough ball in it and cover it for another hour. It can stay in the fridge for a few days, and will get more sour as it waits for you. 

30 minutes to a day later... I take it out of the fridge and knead it into a shape of my liking and then wait for it to rise one more time for a half hour. 

Then I put it in the oven at 425 for about 20-30 minutes. 

AND THIS IS SIMPLE? Sounds like a lot of work. It is. If your lazy don't bother. 

First off this is a bag of bread that I would normally eat. Please take a moment to look at all the ingredients in this bag. One of which is HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP. Too many ingredients for my liking. If you don't know what an ingredient is or if you cant pronounce it, don't eat it. 

This is my bread after being in the fridge for the night . The ingredients surround it. King Arthur Bread Flour, Mill Creek Apiary Honey (local guy that makes the best honey in the world) , Active Dry Yeast, and Old Fashioned Oats.  The recipe is on the King Arthur Bread Bag. 

Here is my bread hanging out with crap in the bag. This is for size comparison.  

This is what it looks like when I'm done making it into a shape of my liking.  

I dust it with some flour, and I personally like to give it a spritz of water to help it expand in the oven. Some people put a tray of water under the bread, but thats too much work for me. I'm not a chemist.

25 minutes later I have this space ship. As Forrest says, "you never know what your gonna get". This is not what I had in mind, but whatever. 

Which one do you want? Crap in the bag or hot fresh bread? Shut up- I know, the bag looks better. oh..well.. 

It tastes good though. Very yeasty when warm, but once it cools down it has a little bit of a sweet taste of oatmeal and honey.

It took longer to write this blog then it did to make the bread.... In the meantime.....
Just got a phone call from my dad saying that one of his kids (he has 5 including me) is eating a giant hole in his fabulous artisan bread. This is a crime and you will be punished. You're a bread muncher that hates crust and we all know what your doing. So in order to right a wrong I am publishing your crime on my blog for everyone to see what you have done to our dad's hard work.

There was even a note... hard to read yes, but she knew what she was doing.

She just grabs the middle part out like a mouse. 

and then plays with her technology devices without a care.