It's not you it's me

sorry for the "F" word. This is totally worth it though. 

It's going to be another terrible day!!!

I'm due for it. I had a nice day a few days ago, and now I must pay for it two fold.

It is currently 10:12 in the morning. 

So far....

I have found a comment on my white bored from my husband- agreeing with me.... that I suck. Got to read that little added gem first thing this morning and promptly left him a nasty letter for him to drop dead.

I left my coffee on the table to tend to the chicken and James dumped it all over him, my rug, and my table. 

He then took out Watt's potty and drank the pee and dumped that all over his body and face while I was cleaning up the coffee stains off my rug.

Daniel Tiger is not on right now because the husband changed the TV from Satellite to Cable. All the channels are different now.

 My son is throwing a terrible shit storm because he thinks Sesame Street and PBS suck. He likes NJTV or BBC World News.

James who is supposed to be taking a nap, is refusing to, even though he is over tired from destroying my patience. 

My baby chicken is still sick, not dead, but is not improving... I don't think the antibiotics are working or she is just taking advantage of sleeping on my tea towels in my kitchen while being spoon fed. 

The other chickens are not getting any better either, or worse... so who knows what they have, I'm sure it's contagious, I'm waiting for it to strike me so I can die terribly and make headlines on the news.. 

I also have stopped breast feeding which has led to my brain cells to grow back and my hormones to flood into action. It's taking all my strength not to take a baseball bat to something. 

I suppose in a way this is my baseball bat... and I'm beating the shit out of my reasons to give up. 

I use this blog to talk myself off the cliff.....

to calm down...

to take a breather. 

to keep myself from driving into the city and hitting random, pretty, single young people with my car just for shits and giggles. 

or to keep the rope off my neck and away from that very strong looking branch that looks capable of holding my weight. 

or to stop myself from sticking those kids on the curb along with my mom badge saying "for sale"

So- yeah. 

I feel better. 

Thank you blog.... for this amazing beat down.

Now I'm off to make more coffee, and supervise my kid play Daniel Tiger on my phone while we wait for the potty muncher to wake from his well needed nap. 

It helps to just walk away for a minute to assess the situation. 

Watts is home and I'm selfish

Watts spent his first three night vacation at Granny's house. I went to go and get him yesterday. It was strange for me to see my toddler after being gone for three days. He was more happy to see James (his 9 month old brother) then he was to see me. 

I guess I can understand his feelings. I'm a monster to him. I yell at him constantly about breaking things in my house, I get mad at him for hurting his baby brother... he is just never doing anything right. 

I would be upset to see me too. 

Granny lets him do whatever he wants and is nice to him. 

He wanted to stay with Granny. 

He did not want to come home with me. 

It wasn't that bad though... I got him in the car, and he was fine. Going home with the monster. I took him to the barn with me, I had some things to do, and he was very good. He fed the horses treats, and stuck to my side. Overall he was a very good boy. 

This morning I fed him breakfast, and told him to go pee on the potty. To my surprise he did his first poop on the potty. He looked in shock. 

Is this a turning point in our relationship?

Could he be a different boy now? I don't know where Watts went... but I'm liking this new kid. I shall name him.... "Cool" 

like from parenthood. 

Anyway, life is ok right now. 

Potty training 

check. 

Baby asleep.

check

Mental Soundness

working on it

The hubster told me this morning that I was "selfish". 

That was a kick to my mental health. 

I mentally punched him in the face....

I just want him to have some friends. A life outside of making money and catering to all of my whims and wants and working on this house. He yelled at me saying that he has no time, he's too busy taking care of things, he has no time for fun... unlike me that is constantly "running away" to go be with horses. 

What a jerk. 

I promptly told him that if I didn't find time for myself I would get a divorce and ditch his kids. 

That shut him up. 

I was going for the wow factor on this, (I like the hubster and the kids... they just don't like me). 

BUT...

I still want him to get a life outside of being a slave to me and the boys. There is always time, if you make it for yourself. 

We can work around a schedule for him. 

He just needs to find something he wants to do first, and then we can go from there. 

Instead, I'm a selfish bitch that sucks the life out of people. 

Oh marriage....

It's just one big blame game. A Duel of the sex's. 

A tug of war of friends, family and life. 

The big suck. 

Bet your sorry now hubster!

Go sign up for Golf lessons on monday. 

just DO it. 

or else. 

You pay the price for snooping!

Amazing what rain will do. It's a cold rainy day, and I am feeling it... I just sat here for a few minutes thinking about what to write about. Of course I really really want to write about horses, but even that is starting to bore me. I can't be happy all the time....

I have been working on the SnapDragon Stables web page, and I think I finally finished it. I think it looks a little more complete now.  You can check out my design skills... if you want... here. http://www.ridesnapdragon.com/

 It went a lot faster once the the hubster sat down next to me and helped me with it. It was a good time working with him.... lots of "Stop pressing that button! What an idiot! Just put it at 385!, I told you this three times already how do you not know this by now?!""Move that over, no the other way, No, up... no no like this!"

 The hubster and I like to degrade each other as much as possible because it's funny. I like being called an idiot, it reminds me of my childhood. We actually make a really good team, and work well together.

So that was great, and then I heard "The Office" was on, and so I dashed out to catch the last five minutes of it.... and then I came back, and the hubster had gone through my facebook emails..... which was awesome!

Not just any emails... he found old emails that I had deleted. Emails that took me about 5 minutes to find, because I'm an idiot. How did he find this stuff so fast? It wasn't bad things... it was just old conversations that I really wouldn't have wanted him to read because it would make me feel uncomfortable.

 So when he confronted me on it... I felt extremely uncomfortable, angry, and annoyed that his snooping habits ( when we first started dating) were still very much a large problem.

Questions started flying at me left and right... Do I answer them? Do I actually have to answer questions that were wrongfully found?

The hubster never lets things go... if I don't answer them he will sit and stew like hot garbage in the sun till he explodes with maggots. If I don't answer these terrible questions he will look too deep into them and answer them himself... wrongly... and much worse then the true answers really are.

I am not a good liar (anymore)..... I find that it just makes things worse to lie. So I tell the truth... which hurts- but it ends things quicker. I warn people before I give a hard truth. "Do you really want to know the answer to this?" If I ask you this question- it's going to be something you really don't want to hear, so you better say "NO!"

I think telling the truth is a rare artform these days. People are so busy being polite and "PC" that they are living a lie without even knowing it. Many people don't even know that they are lying to themselves ,.... most are in complete denial. I wear everything on my sleeve. It's not nice to deal with at times I will admit. But at least you know I ain't bullshitting ya!

Anyway, the hubster got a dose of truth last night that sent him to bed in silence. I can tell he is mad... because he didn't even say goodbye this morning. Yet, he knows!!! He knows, that he was wrong for snooping. He's a naughty man that needs to mind his own business and trust me.

Am I wrong for not sharing my entire life with my husband? I didn't break any vows- and I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't even lie. I just didn't tell my husband I was in contact with this person or that I had a conversation with them through email.

Sure, I knew that he would be mad at me for talking to this person and it might hurt his feelings.... which is why I deleted it. If I want to talk to someone that you don't like, I'm going to do it... I just won't tell you because I know you will be mad. It's not lying, it's saving you from hurt feelings. I'm so rational. Not sneaky... just rational.

I refuse to feel bad about this. There. See. That's how it's done. I was honest with myself, I thought it through, I will not stress about it. Done. (You should read my "stress blog" next. It's a good one).

If you snoop, you will always find something you will not understand, and you may get upset. This is why I don't snoop, especially through drawers next to peoples beds. That is a huge no-no... and EWWW... I don't even want to tell you what sorts of things people keep in their side drawers. Or... underwear drawers, or under the mattress, or a book that has "Diary or Journal" written on it... or the ultimate, a medicine cabinet!!! Just don't bother... you won't find anything that is your business. Am I right?

 YES! Don't snoop.
As my mom would say:
"Eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves"

Shopping List

The hubster is a serious business man. I like to email him about everything.

I just emailed him this. I couldn't help but laugh a little at how funny I am.

Email to the hubster:

I think I am going to go to Wally world to get some stuff. Did you pay the mortgage yet? And how much money am I allowed to spend? 

I need:

Honey

Baby oatmeal

Paper Towels

Appes

Oranges

Juice

White Sugar

Dish brush

Ky Jelly 

Batteries

ski mask

overalls

Can you think of anything else?

This keeps him on his toes. I like to make sure he reads my emails and pay's close attention. He noticed. 

And replied with.

"Oooo someone thinks they are sooooo funny. I did pay the mortgage".

And with that I'm off to Shop Rite. 

Love and Marriage

I am certainly not married to Al Bundy from "Love and Marriage", but I suppose you could say I'm a little like Peggy.

I came with a lot of heavy baggage. I have a lot of college loans and I have really expensive taste. I also am hard to deal with because of my social outbursts. I can't seem to help telling the truth- especially if you smell or look awful. It takes a strong personality with lots of confidence to hang out with me.

I was shocked when the hubby wanted to marry me. I took him up to the Adirondacks for a test run. You either love this place or hate it. If you hate it... I hate you. Plain and simple. I can NOT be in a relationship with a person that is allergic to animals, can't cut wood with an Axe, dresses like a douche, has a huge ego, or screams when they see a mouse. It's not going to work out.

So, the hubby loved the Adirondack mountains, and chopped wood like a champ. One blow straight down the middle, without breaking a sweat. Sexiest thing ever.... he also can sit by a fire while the smoke blows in his face ... he just sat there sipping his beer slugging his whiskey, and enjoyed the fire. Manly.

So I was driving us home, and he was sitting next to me reading the real estate paper... dreaming of owning a house there... because that's how much he liked it.... his bare foot up on the dashboard, paper in hand... we are driving on the New Jersey Turnpike... my favorite place in the world. Listening to some tunes... he looks at me and says "Will you marry me?" "Sure" silence.... for about a minute. "I'm serious" "I know" driving... and then I start hitting the steering wheel. "Really?! I'm driving on the NEW JERSEY TURNPIKE!!!, we just left Eden, and you ask me NOW!?!"

Anyway, he isn't much for romance, but neither am I. He was 22 years old. Young, still in college, working hard at a lock company.... he had potential. He is one of the smartest people I know... and the best part about that is that you would never know it... He is quiet, polite, softly spoken... he comes off as normal.. but he's not. The hubster is a walking computer with feelings. I knew I had the hope diamond in the rough.

Anyway, fast forward 6 years... and here I am in a house that we own, two gorgeous boys, riding horses, doing my art, writing, traveling, and I'm loved by the perfect man. I'm the luckiest person in the world.

He works his ass off, comes home, eats dinner, feeds the kids, gives them a bath and puts them to bed so that I can go out and be with horses. When I come home he has everything under control and doesn't bitch.

Sure he stinks... and is hairy... and can be a complete turd... but hes my stink turd. I love him.

Thanks Poophead... your the bestest. xoxoxo Me so happy. So very very happy.

The hubby when we were first married doing "Tan Dan" He wore all tan and ran around the house "tan danning"... anyway, I keep him hidden because he is a very important man now, so I must hide his identity. This is all you get.