Memorial Day Weekend

The longest weekend ever.

A picture from "National Lampoons Vacation" with the Griswald family. This is my life now.

The hubster took Friday off from work. We drove to his dads house (grandpa)... a mere three hours away. Grandpa and John were busy making the house look perfect for a party that they were going to throw, so we took a field trip to Gettysburg.

I grew up near Valley Forge, and have driven through the park many times. There are small log cabins and canons and fields overlooking more fields. There is a small road with trees perfectly lining both sides. Don't forget the monuments of soldiers and horses, and large places to sit on steps.... to contemplate and envision what happened here a really long time ago... or you can hang out with the 40 year old man wannabe soldier wearing a very clean tailored civil war outfit and a leather man purse and fake musket and some fancy boots telling you about his time in the war... it's weird. Or I mean, its so educational.

So Gettysburg is the same thing... without cabins, and it is three times larger. So much land! It was beautiful. We went on the auto tour. "Look more fields! Oh look more canons". There were lots of plaques saying, "West Virginia,  New Jersey, Connecticut, Pennsylvania battalion fought here"

Poor hubster would have to field my questions.... I would ask stupid questions like, "So how did they get here?, West Virginia is like really far" The hubster would mumble... "They walked! That's what you do in the army... walk" "Oh....that's really far" "Yup, it sucked to be them"

"Didn't, like.... a ton of people die here?" "Yeah, a ton" "So don't you think they would think it was stupid that a bunch of people are driving their BMW's on tour, taking snap shots of the worst day of their lives?" "Yup... you would think so..." his eyes start to cloud over my my ignorance.....  "And wouldn't... oh never mind...."

 I just looked out the window as the hubster drove us around the park with the kids quietly snoring in the backseat and van morrison quietly playing on the radio. What a waste of space. There could be horses all over this field.... Oh, and look!  there my friends..., is a sign to ride your horse down that trail... and there is another canon.... and who mows all of this?! And was it this open? I'm picturing "capture the flag" (a childhood field game) with grown starving men running around in the bushes killing each other over some land.

I came home feeling confused and a little dumb. It dawned on me that we didn't really learn anything about the civil war. My school focused hard on the industrial revolution, slaves, Nazis and the pilgrims.

I took a class in college about the civil war, I stumbled through it because I cared more about just getting a passing grade on the test so I could go out drinking on Thursday night.... I was dating a really smart med student at the time, and I'm ashamed to say that I had him write my papers for me. What a waste of an education. I didn't care about colonel mustard and agent orange. I wanted a screw driver and a free ride to the club.

John was born and raised in the area, apparently he was drilled on the civil war as a child, they knew all the commanders and the name of each battle. They had to know this,  so that when people came to visit they weren't going around dumb, like me saying "oh look another canon!"

Anyway, so that was Gettysburg... very pretty....unmarked cemetery.

And then we went to go see some family an hour away. The minute we walk through the door we were questioned on Chickens, and Horses. I was in heaven. Turns out the hubsters cousin is into chickens and living off the land, and grid too! The hubster and his wife stood staring at us as we excitedly chit chatted on stuff that they were forced to love... He knew all the breeds, and had built his coop himself....thrilling chit chat! Needless to say. We had lots to talk about. Or rather I did.... I talked so much that I was feeling shaky by the end... my brain had trouble forming real sentences and speaking to adults... (the aftermath of teaching toddlers and infants the art of speech I suppose).

Then we drove back to grandpas house to socialize some more at his memorial day party. We had trouble getting the boys to bed. They finally fell to sleep around 9 pm which is terribly late for them. James promptly woke up at 1 am, and decided that he only wanted to sleep in our bed. He drifted off to sleep at 3 am (on the floor). Watts then woke up at 5 am completely soaked through and was shaking from his wet and cold PJ's. He stayed in bed with us for an hour playing on my phone. James then woke up... and I wanted to kill myself.

The hubster jumped up at 5:45am and said, "OK time to go home" and with that we packed our stuff, jumped in the car, and drove three hours straight through the morning to get to our house at 9:45 am, for the memorial day parade that was going down our street at 10am.

We couldn't get to our house, so we had to park the car down the road and hoof it. With the boys in PJ's, and Mango my sick baby chicken in a bucket. Oh.... we brought my sick bird on vacation with us...because that is perfectly normal, and that's my life now.

The neighbors looked at us like we were zombies walking out of a war scene. And with that, I plopped us on the front yard and watched the parade of old cars, and veterans walk down our street while the hubster made me some coffee and changed diapers. Stick a fork in me, I am done!

The parade ended... we ate lunch and crawled into our beds.

I feel like I ran a marathon.
I can't wait to get horses so I have an excuse to stay home.... vacations are not what they used to be. It reminded me of a scene out of National Lampoons Vacation.... on our way to "Wally World"

Just talking about Chickens..... 

That right there is a.... canon. Right outside my window! 

On the Auto Tour following some nerds in a rental tour car. going too slow and clearly in our way to see more canons. 

Fear

Little Ravers, the prettiest pony in all the land. 


We all have something that we fear. I'm not sure if fear is the same as being "afraid" though. Some things I'm just too afraid to do... like sky diving, hang gliding, para sailing, or bungee jumping. I will never do this in my lifetime.

Fear however.... I can get over. I can hold a snake for one minute, even though I loath them and think they are Satan in a legless body.

I can go on a roller coaster even though I feel as though I'm pushing myself to have a heart attack and have taken about 5 years off of my life. But who wants to live to 80? I don't.

I'm about to conquer another fear....
Horse Shows.

Yup... I get really really nervous, my chest gets tight, I have trouble breathing, my brain turns off, I'm just a pair of eyeballs trapped in a body sitting on a horse... my eyes frantically look around listening to my heartbeat thump fast and hard in my throat. My ears sometimes will start to ring so I can't hear what the judges want from us.....Just thinking about it has caused my stomach to fill with acid.

I don't know why this happens... I rode on the equestrian team in college and always came out with a ribbon. My coach Dee Jones always put me as point rider, meaning that she put all her faith in me to place so that my points won, would go towards the team package points. This never helped my nervousness.

It might have begun when I started to show as a child. Around 11 or 12 there I was galloping around a show ring jumping things backwards or in the wrong direction. I was hopeless. A real dummy.

I'm extremely competitive. I have always done sports where it comes solely down to me to win. I played basketball once. I couldn't believe how easy it was. The game was over, we lost, and I didn't care, because it wasn't my fault.

I ran track, if I lost a race, it was my fault. I did diving, if I didn't score well, it was because of me.. my toes weren't pointed or, that belly flop did not look so hot. And then Riding.... where my brain was always left at the barn.

This time though I will be riding Raven. My little 5 year old welsh pony project that has only just learned to canter around the ring. If we don't do well it's because my pony can barely trot a circle. This is just practice for her.... and well... I suppose for me too. It takes a lot of the pressure off. She's a baby, she doesn't know how to bend or extend yet. This is just for fun.

Last night Christina came and asked me to show with her. Christina also did the Intercollegiate Shows, and well.... she actually looks like something on a horse. She is a very pretty rider, with a nice seat, a pretty smile, and she even smells good. This girl was made for the show series. She is also my student...

Then there is me.... I feel like a waif of a poop log on a wild animal. I ride like an old man galloping around with some hounds. So before I said yes to making a fool of myself I asked Ginger to pretend that she was a judge at a horse show. "How bout I just be Ginger" Oh that's right.... we aren't five?

Around we went, Christina and I... She was on her perfect green Thoroughbred Bacio, and I was on my tiny baby green wild pony Raven. "Trot, please Trot" Raven picks up her trot and we are swerving around the ring. I can't for the life of me get her to stick to the rail, her head is bent to the outside and her body is gliding sideways towards some jumps, we are about to knock them over. "Halt, everyone halt!" We can do this one. Raven comes to a skidding halt like a roping horse. "Take three steps back" Yup can do this too!, Raven glides effortlessly back.... I can see Christina having trouble.... My confidence builds.

"Canter, please canter" from a halt? You have to be nuts, Ok, Ravers... we got this.... I ask her to do something we havent' gotten to practice yet, and sure enough she goes right into the canter like a pro. She knows! She knows that we are going to win this one. She canters around fully tilting to the inside ears perked up, little legs racing around.... I am working with 50% steering the other half if gone into the wind. "walk, please walk" She transitions down smoothly.

"Reverse" "Canter"
I ask her to canter once more. She picks up the canter... the wrong lead. Shoot.... I normally wouldn't worry too much about this since she is just learning to balance herself. I ask her to come back to the trot and push my weight to the outside and snap her onto her inside leg. Presto, she has the right lead and she did it so quickly I don' think they noticed.... Christina is fighting Bacio for her correct right lead. He is 50/50 on that side. He either gives it or  doesn't.

Raven and I swoosh past the pretty duo and wobble around the ring. This is fun! This is really fun, and both Raven and I have our competition hats on. "And Walk"

Game over....

Ginger is impressed with us! We get the winning vote!
Off to the show we go.
This time I was not nervous... I immediately became clear headed and super aware of what Raven was doing. I felt like I had taken a magic pill that made my brain super fast and my body meld into one with Raven. I think Raven liked it too.

I was so proud of little Ravers. She showed everyone how special she was. Not more then a month ago she was bucking, rearing, avoiding and stubbornly standing still refusing to go forward. Now she flicks her little flashy hooves out and tucks her tiny nose in and her little eyes sparkle like they are made of diamonds. I love this pony- she is stubborn as a mule, pretty as a prom queen, and as friendly as a golden retriever.

Now to get Raven on the trailer....

This could be as hard as asking her to levitate for me.

I can levitate! 

Natural Devastation and some simple pleasures

Here are places not to live. Notice that New Jersey and Pennsylvania are in the clear? That's because I don't want to die today! 

Oklahoma was hit hard by a tornado. It touched down for 40 minutes and mowed down 20 miles of homes, two schools, and a few hospitals.

The biggest tornado in the world hit around the same place in 1999.

As always it is horrible.... but.... if you know that this place is hit hard by reoccurring tornado's... wouldn't you invest in a better shelter? or better yet... move someplace that doesn't suck?

California.... known to have earthquakes because it is sitting on a fault line is a good example of a place to kiss your stuff goodbye. When you live near the water, it is going to flood at some point. If you live below sea level, same thing. You don't have to be smart to know what the weather is going to be like.  Why would you risk your children's lives living there, or risk losing your entire life's belongings?

It's really dumb. Your setting yourself up for major stress, and heartache.

Anyway, I'm truly bummed out by the news as usual. Watching my species work hard to clean up a mess that could have been avoided.... (just don't live there!)

So here is something positive.

Ron is currently outside guarding little Mango. He refuses to leave his post and when the adult hens come over to peck at her he chases them away. He is a compassionate cat. That's an oxymoron. Felines are horrible killing machines. Not Ron though... he is like a sheep dog.

Some more good news?

Giselle my project Thoroughbred horse had her first adjustment from a chiropractor and got some acupuncture. The vet noticed that she had a tattoo from her racing days. I looked up the tattoo and found out that Giselle's name was Miss Bobbie Socks. She was born in Oklahoma on St Patty's Day. She won two races, and had 16 starts. We even found a You Tube video of a lady riding her in their backyard.

I rode her last night for the first time since the adjustment. She stood on the cross ties, she was much more calm. But... she still hates me on her back, and bucks at the canter. So, she basically just hates people on her back. I think she was hurt by humans... and does not want us monkeying around on her.

So it was a happy moment to see her finally relax on the cross ties... but very disappointing to see that she still sucks to ride.
However! Raven also sucked the big one, and one day she just turned a corner and is now a saint. I can only hope for Giselle's sake that once she builds more muscle and trust we can dance.

AND one more thing to celebrate while my TV exhausts terrible news our way....
Watts is almost completely potty trained! He poops and pees on the potty!

The news sucks. I'm thinking of getting rid of the Internet and TV. I don't know how I would write to this blog though....

And with that I have to go because Wattsies little world has come to a skidding halt because he can not... I say CAN NOT get his socks on by himself.

I wish I could throw a tantrum over socks... oh to be two.

Ron watches over Mango because he's a sheep dog.

Mango...

Things are looking up??

My baby chicken mango is still alive... she's not really improving... but she's alive.

I'm learning a lot about chicken conversations. I have long conversations with Mango, especially at night right before she goes to sleep... I make a sound, and with her little head upside down and tucked under her she manages to peep back.... three peeps is a good sound. A loud one peep seems to be a "I'm thirsty!, or "I'm standing on my head!" or... "I'm stuck in the corner again!" The best sound is a purr sound they make.... it almost sounds like a cricket... this is a sound they make to each other.... as if they are gossiping about a neighbor. I try desperately to get Mango to make that sound for me... but she won't... because she knows... I am not a chicken or an equal.

My family came over this weekend. All of them pretty much were like, "Is that a bird?" She is so screwed up that she doesnt even look like anything. just a round lump of feathers. "Yup she's in there somewhere....."

I'm just waiting for her to die at this point. I have stopped force feeding her.... I just make sure she has food, fresh water and is comfortable. I have stopped the medicine. She is eating and drinking when she gets up enough energy to do so.

I have been documenting her by video. If this bird lives, I will be writing a long article about her and submitting it to backyard chickens. I may even make a cape for her to wear, along with a gold crown. I'm not kidding. It will be a miracle if this bird pulls out of this tail spin.

 I just went out to check on my other birds. They are Ok... some of them are improving. One even laid an egg! The first one in a week. I have stopped the antibiotics on them too. I feel like a weeks worth of high dosage is good enough.

As I went to feed my chicks, Spots came running up to me. She is my speckled Sussex.... She is so soft and sweet. She's my youngest and smallest, yet has the best personality. She just wants to be held. I picked her up and she immediately plopped her little body down in the palm of my hand as if it was a warm nest. She closed her eyes and chirped enthusiastically for me to stroke her feathers. Now, after so much time spent with Mango, I know that the sounds coming out of this bird are pure contentment.

I suppose I am becoming a chicken whisperer. I know how to hold them, talk to them, and even how to look at them.

Now, if only I had this magic talent with humans.

Chocolate vs. Stickers

BREAK THROUGH!!!


Yesterday... my naked two year old was playing with his toys, and announced that he needed to go to the potty. He ran to the bathroom....

and yelled out. "I need wipes!"

I went about looking for the turd on the floor.... but no... not this time...
It was actually in the potty.

not only was it in the potty, but my two year old even took the pot out of his potty and dumped it into the real toilet and flushed it.

I was so excited that I gave him a huge sticker AND some of my chocolate morsels.

He was so thrilled that he went and did it again for chocolate.

He screams for chocolate. I scream for poop not on my floor.

We both won.

Now to get him to understand the concept of toilet paper usage after the big poop. He currently just pulls his pants up straight after. Who knew this was such a complicated process.

It's not you it's me

sorry for the "F" word. This is totally worth it though. 

It's going to be another terrible day!!!

I'm due for it. I had a nice day a few days ago, and now I must pay for it two fold.

It is currently 10:12 in the morning. 

So far....

I have found a comment on my white bored from my husband- agreeing with me.... that I suck. Got to read that little added gem first thing this morning and promptly left him a nasty letter for him to drop dead.

I left my coffee on the table to tend to the chicken and James dumped it all over him, my rug, and my table. 

He then took out Watt's potty and drank the pee and dumped that all over his body and face while I was cleaning up the coffee stains off my rug.

Daniel Tiger is not on right now because the husband changed the TV from Satellite to Cable. All the channels are different now.

 My son is throwing a terrible shit storm because he thinks Sesame Street and PBS suck. He likes NJTV or BBC World News.

James who is supposed to be taking a nap, is refusing to, even though he is over tired from destroying my patience. 

My baby chicken is still sick, not dead, but is not improving... I don't think the antibiotics are working or she is just taking advantage of sleeping on my tea towels in my kitchen while being spoon fed. 

The other chickens are not getting any better either, or worse... so who knows what they have, I'm sure it's contagious, I'm waiting for it to strike me so I can die terribly and make headlines on the news.. 

I also have stopped breast feeding which has led to my brain cells to grow back and my hormones to flood into action. It's taking all my strength not to take a baseball bat to something. 

I suppose in a way this is my baseball bat... and I'm beating the shit out of my reasons to give up. 

I use this blog to talk myself off the cliff.....

to calm down...

to take a breather. 

to keep myself from driving into the city and hitting random, pretty, single young people with my car just for shits and giggles. 

or to keep the rope off my neck and away from that very strong looking branch that looks capable of holding my weight. 

or to stop myself from sticking those kids on the curb along with my mom badge saying "for sale"

So- yeah. 

I feel better. 

Thank you blog.... for this amazing beat down.

Now I'm off to make more coffee, and supervise my kid play Daniel Tiger on my phone while we wait for the potty muncher to wake from his well needed nap. 

It helps to just walk away for a minute to assess the situation. 

Fiction

Sorry, not my best... very very quick sketch to get the point across. 

My dad thinks that I should try my hand at writing a fiction children's story. I don't think I have ever really written anything fiction. I had dreams about it all night. I thought maybe the best way to write a fiction story was to find a really interesting photograph and write about it.

When I was a kid hanging out with my best buddy Claire we would sometimes play a game where we would sit and watch people walk by. We would make up stories about them. Claires stories were always very enthusiastic and nice.... mine where always mean, and negative...the worst case possible for that person. 

Claire: see's a woman in a business suit wearing sneakers on her way to work. 

"That's Claudine, she works at a fortune 500 company, she is the boss of everyone and she has a mansion and 5 kids. She can do it all!"

Me: see's the same woman. 

"Nope, that's Hildaguard, or at least used to be. She is trying desperately to get her marriage back after sleeping with her co-worker who got her hooked on meth. She had 3 kids but now they hate her because she is a troll. She only just got another job and is trying desperately to get her husband back, but he's gone now because he's sleeping with Hildy's best friend Martha.... Martha Stewart. Nobody can top Martha, and Hildy knows this. At least she has her Meth! , which is the only comfort she has now-a-days"

With that Claire would look at me wide eyed...."Oh Liz.... can't you just say something nice for once?"

"Nope! Life sucks! Open your eyes, look at these people. They aren't happy, nobody is! They are all salves to "the man."

So dad... I don't really know much about children's stories. I still have that edge that may not be appropriate for kids. 

Oh screw it. 

Here! Here is a story. 

**************************** A lovely children's fiction story **************************

by: Liz the great

Once Upon a time there was an old house. It was put up for sale, and soon a nice little family moved into it. They had a two year old and a 2 month old... boys. It was a fine old house that needed some love and repair. 

This old house was special! It could talk! 

The new family liked it when the house talked to them. The floors laughed when you cleaned them. The walls commented on how pretty they looked with the new art work and pretty colorful paint. The windows admired their new curtains. The rugs loved the vacuum and the vacuum loved the rugs! 

Even the toilets talked. "You missed a spot!" they would yell. Especially if it was your hiney.

The toilets were hungry! They liked it when people peed and poo'd. They especially loved the poo. It made them feel so happy!

One day the two year old boy was told to use the potty. The toilets' were overjoyed to have a new friend. They loved the little boy's hiney. 

They couldn't wait for poo! 

But one day the little boy went and poo'd on the floor!

The floors were scared! So very scared of the poo... they screamed in pain. "I'm DIRTY!!! " they cried. They were soooo very dirty. The vacuum cried too because he could not help to clean the poo off the floor. The toilet cried because he wanted the poo! He was so sad because the little boy was scared of him. 

The little boy hated the toilet! 

The floors were scared of the little boy. 

The vacuum was sad. 

No one was happy!

But one day the little boy went poo on the potty! 

The toilet was overjoyed! He sang with delight! 

The floors cheered and sang. 

The vacuum wooshed around and happily hoovered up the floors in celebration. 

The little boy HAD SAVED THE DAY! Everyone was so happy again!

After that....

The little boy always went to the potty. 

The toilet became his very best friend. 

And they lived happily ever after. 

********************

Fin

There ya go. 

I feel good about it. I think I could totally be a children's author. I made sure not to curse. I think it's going to get one of those gold circle seal things on it. Yup it's a winner all right!