Happy Mothers Day

My mom, with her odd eyes, and her quietness.... This was taken a really long time ago, but this is how I best remember her as a child. 

Little Mango is still alive. I have been nursing her like a newborn since Thursday. It is now Sunday. She still has her head on backwards and walks backwards into corners. I have to hold her head still and take a syringe and feed her water and baby food with her antibiotics.

After I feed her I lay her on her side and put the heat lamp on her for a few minutes. She perks up, opens her eyes, says "thanks" and then tucks her head upside down and under her body.

 She is improving a little bit everyday. I think she may actually make it. The reason I bring this up is because it's Mothers Day. AND...I think I learned how to care for creatures from my mom. My mom is a nurse.

 I would say she was a nurse (she's retired now)... but really my mom has always been and will be a nurse... because she's damn good at it, and seems to always be nursing someone, or giving advice on how or what to do with a sickness or disease, or even just the common cold. She's very intuitive and quick to react.

She has a great story. My mom was born in England during the end of World War II. Her school was bombed, her neighbors homes were bombed... there was a curfew... she wasn't allowed out at night. She even had a black cloak with a muff that her grandmother gave to her. They wore it at night when they walked the streets... actually I'm not sure about this story... I 'm recalling this story from when she told it to me in the bathtub when I was around 7 or 8.

I was very close to my mom. I would take baths with her at night and she would tell me all sorts of stories about her childhood which was way different from mine. I always asked her "do you think we would have been friends if we had been the same age?" "No... I don't think so" she would say. "We are much different in personality"
You could always count on my mom to be brutally honest.
She is a quiet woman... never raises her voice, and will never have a fight with you. I am the opposite. She often looks at me shaking her head and says "I just don't know where you learned that... or why you do that..." I'm a loud mouth, speak my mind, get in your face kind of girl. My mom though....

She doesn't speak her mind if it's offensive, and never says anything to a stranger that is " off color". My mom is very old fashioned. She was raised in an age where children were to be seen but not heard. She is great for advice if you need it. She always has a one liner for you that is valuable.

"What comes around goes around" is one of my favorites.
or
"Always choose your battles"

I feel as though young people don't have lines like that anymore.

Once in a while my mom will get this look in her eye... a glint, and a funny friendly smile. It's youthful.... I can almost see her curls spring up as she remembers a funny story that I haven't heard before. She has had a great life. She has seen and done almost everything....
Almost....
But not quite.

What she really Fancy's is to take flying lessons. She LOVES to fly. She also has no fear of heights... or speed... unlike me. Who nearly poops their pants the minute the plane leaves the ground.

We went flying in a tiny little plane up in the Adirondacks, Lake Placid one summer. She was driving by... and it said, "Come fly with us Today!" My mom was like, " I want to go flying!", she pulled into this tiny little airport next to the Lake Placid Horse Show.... and we waited for our turn to get into a plane. I think I must have been about 9 or 10 at the time.
She had that look.... of excitement. She was so happy. I liked her best when she was lit up like Christmas. I learned a lot about my mom that day... and about myself.

We walked out and got into a plane smaller then my car, and scrambled into the death trap of a back seat. The pilot got in and put his earmuffs on. I was really excited! (This is before I knew that I was scared of planes, speed, and heights).

I was so busy looking out the window... the engine starts. The whole plane shudders. [Is this safe? Is this normal? Is it supposed to sound and feel like this?] Are my thoughts.... We turn... the guy mumbles some lingo into his mic... and we are off... down the runway full of potholes and death.... my mom grabs my arm and squeezes it. Her face lights up... I can see every tooth in her mouth, and her eyes which are odd colors went from green and brown to green and blue. (This is true emotion she was feeling). Her eyes have changed color people.

Anyway, we are flying down the runway, I immediately know that I have made a terrible choice of sitting in this plane. I ask them to stop... but no one can hear me over the roar of the engine. We are up! Up UP and away....
into the turbulence, and flying around mountains.... very close to mountains, dipping and weaving, dropping 50' here being pushed 70' sideways there.... my mom is over the moon. I have now noticed the silver duck tape holding the plane together... I am not thrilled. I feel as though I have left all of my blood on the ground.

Anyway, we got to see Toad Hall from a plane, which made my moms day. She kept grabbing my arm and pulling me over to her side of the death trap. I was clung to my lap belt and was waiting for my life to end.

 So this brings me back to "Would we be friends if we were the same age?" "No" We are totally different people, almost opposites.

I do love to see that woman happy though. Its hard to get that look from her now a days. She's done everything. Nothing really ruffles her feathers anymore. She is content watching her "football" (soccer) on the TV. She loves it. I hate it.... She can sit all day and read a book, I can sit for one hour and read a book about horses.

She does love my kids though.... they make her laugh and smile. And my two year old loves her more then me... I totally understand it though... because I too love her that much.
What goes around comes around I suppose.
She gave love, and now she gets it back two fold.

She's a tough old bird.. my mom. She will give you the shirt off her back. She can pull a tooth out of her own mouth without pain medication or fainting. She can beat you in Trivia Pursuit, She makes a mean cheese cake, She loves to jitterbug to big bands like Glen Miller, and she still smokes and drinks because she knows it ain't going to kill her.

She also has a fine collection of silver, china, and porcelain Royal Dalton figurines, yet her favorite fast food is Taco Bell, and a cheese steak, and pouts like a three year old if you tell her to eat her vegetables.

She could be one of the most interesting people I know, and now... you know a little about her too. She is  truly a great woman, and I'm proud to have her as my mum.
She is my best friend.... and the woman I go to for everything.

I love her more then I love myself.

Sick birds, Rain and Flowers

I dropped Watts off with my mom yesterday for another sleep over. I was able to clean the entire house in under two hours. This is definitely my happiest time... when I am surrounded by cleanliness and order. I tend to freak out and get very agitated by slop, mess, untidiness, chaos, noise..... I wonder if I'm slightly Autistic?

Most that know me would say "YES!"

Anyway, I went out to check on my birds this morning.
Little Mango was sitting on the ground with her head on backwards... they are kinda like owls... they can turn there heads around .... its a freak show.

At first I thought Mango fell off the big bird perch and broke her neck... but on closer inspection I think she is close to dying from sickness... she is trying so hard to breath and is definitely trying to get something off or out of her throat. I might as well be ringing her neck... she does this seizure like motion weave with her head.

I brought her inside, put her in a diaper box, gave her a stuffed animal to hang out with, and put a heating lamp on her... she appreciated it all. She just wants me to stay with her and stroke her and hold her head still. She seems the most content when I support her head, so she can take a peace nap.

The vet was on his way here.... and then I received a phone call that he had an emergency and he would have to reschedule. I told the lady on the phone that I too had an emergency. My birds are in risk of not making it through the night.

Rogue is also extremely ill. She was sleeping in the mud today, AND let me pick her up and put her in a Tupperware container with some dry bedding. She is currently sleeping in the shed, away from the other birds. She too likes me to stroke her head, and talk to her....

Birds are intelligent creatures. They have feelings, and they are masters of communicating with their eyes. They have almost human eyes, with expression. You can really see through them if they are happy, sad, sick, or mad. Birds also like to hide the fact that they are sick... which is why if they are acting sick... it is much worse then they are letting on. They are tough bastards!

So while waiting, I cleaned the house, and to cheer me up I picked some flowers. Purple Iris's are growing in the garden now. I picked them along with some lilacs and used some of my Hosta leaves to fill in the rest. It certainly cheers me up on such a shitty- rainy gloomy day.

Sick Chickens on the Homestead

So, I have a lot to learn about chickens. They are complicated little creatures. It's not at all like having a dog or a cat that you can put into a carrier and take to the vet.

I think Rogue must have been sick when I found her and put her with my flock. She looked somewhat sickly at the time... I should have known better. Learning lesson #1. Quarintine new birds for three weeks! 

It was the first week of Spring, so I cleaned the chicken coop, and changed out all the shavings, and hosed down the walls and scrubbed everything. I then went out and got some chicks and added it to my flock. This all happened within a week about three weeks ago?

Next thing I know Regina is coughing and sneezing and making terrible wheezing sounds. 

I put garlic powder in their water to help naturally cure their cold. 

I thought that maybe it was the dust from the new bedding, or maybe the damp cold air from hosing down the sides of the coop. 

Anyway, now all of my adult hens are sick. I can't give them medicine because I don't know whats wrong with them. 

Ginger told me to call her horse vet. He makes house calls and has chickens. 

This is going to cost a fortune. For chickens....

Anyway, he is coming tomorrow at 12. Fingers crossed that the medication that they need doesn't cost a small fortune. We aren't rolling in money at the moment. 

This morning I opened the coop and normally all the birds come running out to say good morning... today they all walked out slowly, and one was missing. I opened the inside of the coop and there was Martha... still sitting on her perch looking terribly lethargic. Her comb is starting to fade in color and turn blue... which means something is wrong with her air sacs?. This is bad... it's really bad. 

I sat there for a moment petting her, she closed her eyes as I stroked her behind the ear.... I told her to hold on for one more day... "don't you go dying on me now!" I lifted her off the perch and placed her on the ground, she feels lighter then normal. She slowly walked outside to go sit with the other birds... they aren't even interested in looking for bugs. It's a pathetic site. 

I went in and made some hot oatmeal and rice crispee cereal mash for them. This should warm their tummies. I brought it out to them...they gathered around eating and coughing... normally its' a brawl to get to the food. They gathered around the bowl all taking turns. What is going on?! Friendly, Docile Girls eating nicely together without pecking each other? There is definitely something wrong.

Anyway, I put up a video of my birds on You Tube and Facebook. Once I know whats wrong with them, I will tell the world what these symptoms need. 

Anyway, Enjoy the video of my sick birds. 

The Red Hen is Martha, the large hen next to Martha  is Regina, the Hen in the back is Becky, and the skittish hen in the corner that is lacking a comb on top of her head is Rogue. 

When it rains its pours.

I know you may think that I have the perfect life, the way I go on about how great this and that is...and blah blah blah... but man I got to say, that when things go wrong... they really go wrong.

Its a fairly nice day out... I was in a fairly ok mood. I was trying once again to get Watts to poop on the potty. He sat there on the potty for an hour or so.... every five minutes he would get up and bring me his pee. It started to get really annoying. "That's great Watts... I don't really care till I see poop. I just want to see poop now.. ok?" "I went poop!" he kept saying... it was always just pee.

I became desensitized to it. I turned my energy to feeding James. I was getting frustrated with James because he spits his food out all over me... I hate feeding babies. I HATE IT!
They are so gross. I just can't do it. So I was already really annoyed. When I hear.
"Mommy I need wipes! "

There stood watts, standing over a huge turd on the floor.

I broke down... I just can't do this anymore. I fucking quit.
I just started to cry... (more like heaving sobs)....... and I am not one to cry. I like to think I'm tough. You punch me in the face, and I will laugh and punch you back harder... these things don't bother me.

But... this? repetitive brain fucking? I just snapped. I started to scream... not at Watts... just at the world. My head started to shake, tears started to pour, and I fell to the floor, and started to rip my hair out... I just had a complete nervous breakdown...in front of Watts, who immediately ran to the potty, sat on it, covered in his shit and started to cry... "Mommy I'm so sorry I pooped on the floor!, I'm so sorry!" My two year old was clearly upset over my behavior.

I wanted to run from the house, jump in my car and drive to Florida, where I could join the horse community and start my life over.

I stared at Watts through my breakdown, and knew that I had to gather my mind back together and take care of these boys. I was scaring the shit out of him.

As we cried, I cleaned his shit up.... and both Watts and I comforted each other... he was sad that he had caused me to snap.... and I was sad that my two year old may never poop on the potty... he just isn't ready. I will be dealing with poop for the rest of my fucking life... and that's OK! Because I deserve it. I deserve to clean up shit. This is my life, I chose to have children... and this is what it's all about. Dirty shitty poop, vomit, dirt, snot, tears, you name it, it will touch you and your things.

So, I got him all cleaned up and went outside and found an old dirty cigarette on the ground and smoked it... and hoped that it would give me lung cancer... and hated the taste, but pretended that I was back in art school... when the only thing that I worried about was- if I would have enough gas to get home.

I gave the boys a hug and kiss.... and we all took a bath. The boys were thrilled... splashing around... soaking everything in site. I put the clothes in the washing machine, everything covered in shit.... and then I heard something awful. The washing machine drum had come undone, and was beating itself against the outer box of the machine.... it was totally done... broken. fucking SHIT!

Fine.... that's great.
I tell the hubster... he has a mini breakdown about cost of things, how his arm hurts, and how his life sucks because he has really bad allergies.... he's miserable... so of course... I let him know that I'm on the verge of snapping. I can't do this mom thing anymore. I pulled the trump card on him, totally not fair to him... I admit.

And with that... James had diarrhia  all over his crib.... all over himself... on the bumpers.. you name it, it has to be washed.

Fine... that's great. Bring it on!
Just shoot me in the fucking face.

I'm almost hysterically laughing at this point. I take the wet laundry out of the machine to find... a
DIAPER! When diapers go into the washing machine they release gel stuff... everywhere...
not only are all the clothes covered in liquefied crap... but now also covered in gel dot things....

Fine.... that's great.
I will just hang these up on the clothes line and pretend that they are clean, cause I don't know what else to do.... I'm done with this life.
I'm done!
And with that, I sit here writing this blog while Watt's sits in his room playing with his toys refusing to take a nap because he wants me to kill myself.... and James is sound asleep, because he just shit his entire contents out all over his bed....

and I am not OK.... but that's fine.
because this is what my life is all about.

It's great one minute. But man, when SHIT hits the fan, its a real blast.

At least I don't have ALS or Cancer.
This is just another shitty day....
At least it ends.
Right?
It will end.
Its 2:40.
The hubster said it will end when he gets home, he said I could go to the barn.
I have set my timer.
In that way, I am lucky.
So- with that I'm off to clean the rest of the house from the weekend. This is why my Mondays' suck. I took a vacation over the weekend and my house turned into a landfill.

Moral of the story?
Don't put diapers in the washing machine.

James sound asleep after his shit storm

Watts hanging out with the poop laundry

Baby Food Recipes

James (my 9 month old baby) does not like jarred baby food. I suppose this is because I introduced him to my health food that came with nutrition and taste. Whatever I eat he eats.... sometimes this is hard because it isn't baby friendly. Sometimes it's too spicy, or has honey, or is too sharp or hard for him to gum on. I had to get creative.

Everyday, I make a pitcher of my "green juice" in my blender. I normally put 2 green apples, 2 oranges, 1 handful of spinach, 2 peeled carrots, and a dash of cinnamon, blend for one minute and drink it throughout the day.

James will eat baby rice, but gets bored of it. One day I thought to add some of my green juice to it to give it some taste and nutrition. He loved it. He was lunging for the spoon and couldn't get enough of it. My two year old also loves green juice. I only give him a small amount because it has a lot of natural sugars in it from the apples and oranges and I don't want to blow his system . I water it down for him.

Anyway, this got me thinking... I could just blend anything into a juice and add it to his baby rice or oatmeal and it would be better then the baby food in jars.
It takes seconds for me to blend it and store it, and then I have it all day to mix and match as I please.
I can also pour this into ice cube trays and freeze them so he has something to teeth on. I have a pacifier thing that has a clasp with netting. You can put an ice cube or large piece of fruit in it,and the baby can hold it and suck the juices through the netting. It's great.

RECIPES!

Green Juice
Blend:
2 apples
2 oranges
2 carrots
handful of spinach
1-2 cups of water
dash of cinnamon
-mix with rice to thicken to your liking

Hawaiian Delight
Blend:
2 apples
1 orange
3 frozen banana
1 carrot
1/4 cup of water
-mix with rice to thicken it.

The Big Green
Blend:
hand full of spinach
one celery stalk
a pinch of Kale
frozen peas, carrots, and corn
one carrot
1/4 cup of water
-Add to baby rice.

Rice Crispee with Yogurt and Fruit
Let some Rice Crispees soak in whole milk yogurt of your choice till they get soft. Add some cinnamon, or mash some banana or strawberry in it.


Frozen Banana Swirl
Take an over ripe banana and cut it up into small pieces, place in zip lock bag and freeze.
Take frozen banana and put in blender, add a dash of cows milk, coconut milk, soy milk, or almond milk and blend till thick like a milk shake.
Serve.

Pina Collada
Blend
Frozen Pineapple
Silk Coconut Milk
Add rice to thicken

Watts is home and I'm selfish

Watts spent his first three night vacation at Granny's house. I went to go and get him yesterday. It was strange for me to see my toddler after being gone for three days. He was more happy to see James (his 9 month old brother) then he was to see me. 

I guess I can understand his feelings. I'm a monster to him. I yell at him constantly about breaking things in my house, I get mad at him for hurting his baby brother... he is just never doing anything right. 

I would be upset to see me too. 

Granny lets him do whatever he wants and is nice to him. 

He wanted to stay with Granny. 

He did not want to come home with me. 

It wasn't that bad though... I got him in the car, and he was fine. Going home with the monster. I took him to the barn with me, I had some things to do, and he was very good. He fed the horses treats, and stuck to my side. Overall he was a very good boy. 

This morning I fed him breakfast, and told him to go pee on the potty. To my surprise he did his first poop on the potty. He looked in shock. 

Is this a turning point in our relationship?

Could he be a different boy now? I don't know where Watts went... but I'm liking this new kid. I shall name him.... "Cool" 

like from parenthood. 

Anyway, life is ok right now. 

Potty training 

check. 

Baby asleep.

check

Mental Soundness

working on it

The hubster told me this morning that I was "selfish". 

That was a kick to my mental health. 

I mentally punched him in the face....

I just want him to have some friends. A life outside of making money and catering to all of my whims and wants and working on this house. He yelled at me saying that he has no time, he's too busy taking care of things, he has no time for fun... unlike me that is constantly "running away" to go be with horses. 

What a jerk. 

I promptly told him that if I didn't find time for myself I would get a divorce and ditch his kids. 

That shut him up. 

I was going for the wow factor on this, (I like the hubster and the kids... they just don't like me). 

BUT...

I still want him to get a life outside of being a slave to me and the boys. There is always time, if you make it for yourself. 

We can work around a schedule for him. 

He just needs to find something he wants to do first, and then we can go from there. 

Instead, I'm a selfish bitch that sucks the life out of people. 

Oh marriage....

It's just one big blame game. A Duel of the sex's. 

A tug of war of friends, family and life. 

The big suck. 

Bet your sorry now hubster!

Go sign up for Golf lessons on monday. 

just DO it. 

or else. 

Giselle

"I'LL SHOW YOU NUTS!!! How to Train a Crazy Horse"
By Liz


Ginger got me a new horse to work with a week ago. We went to Auction and Ginger spotted this really lovely looking chestnut (orange in color) horse eating hay very quietly. I thought it was a nice horse too... but I think all horses are nice. 

"She's a little over the knee" says Ginger as she stares down this mare. (girl horse). "I have no idea what that means" "Her knee is over the front of her leg, her conformation is not great... but she sure is pretty"

We left before we even saw the pretty horse run around... all we saw of it was... it eating some hay. 
Ginger bought her a few days later. 
We go to pick her up. A man in his 70's comes out of his trailer hut, bow legged, wearing old man jeans, boots, a hat... blazing blue eyes, with crows feet from the sun. You can tell this guy has been around the block a few times. 
"Now... this horse has been returned twice now... she's too much horse for the last two people, she also jumped out of the pen, she sure likes to jump, do you have a good rider?" Ginger just smiles, and replies "yup" I'm sitting there like an idiot not knowing what to think... 

We get the horse on the truck and bring her home. 
My mind is racing. Who is the good rider going to be? I can't wait to watch this person ride the crazy horse! Turns out... this horse is for me. I named her "Giselle" originally I was thinking Gazelle.... but now it's after the ballet called "Giselle". Her show name is "Peasant Girl". 

I waited a few days, and the day had come, I was going to hop on my new horse that is crazy! Whooo can't wait to die. 

To make a long story short. I didn't die. But Giselle does have many issues. One being cross ties. (Ropes that clip onto the horses collar to keep it still while you brush and put stuff on it) 
She hates them, and told us this by kicking a huge hole in the wall. 
Now she gets groomed and tacked up in the ring. She loves to eat grass while being brushed, she is an angel. 
Next, she hates people on her back that own a pair of legs. If you touch her with your heel, she pins her ears back and kicks, or bucks. 
Someone has done something terrible to this girl. Maybe spurs? Maybe kicked the crap out of her.... it's either pain, or fright. 

Next, she hates to run left. She thinks this sucks and likes to give a nice big buck. It doesnt bother me... I think it's cute. 
Anyway, a week later, I have the kicking down to a minimum, and the bucking seems to happen from discomfort which we are still looking into, or balance issues. The great thing about auction horses, is that they are a mystery. 
I jumped her last night. She sure likes to jump. I figure I might as well be a little crazy with her. Let her act out, be as bad as she wants, and all she's going to get in return is a ton of love and praise. She gave a few good bucks last night, and then scared herself... thinking that she was about to get a beat down... nope, nothing but "Thats it? That was cute, c'mon let's ride now, enough of this silly stuff, we are here to have FUN!" And with that, her ears perked forward and she sailed me over a jump.
I jumped off, gave her a hug and kick, and she closed her eyes as if to say. 

I'm home.